Angry All The Time
by MeteorOnAMoonlessNight
Summary: Bella had it all, until she lost it. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, is it reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end?
1. Prologue

**Just fair warning: There is no cheating, but there is angst, as you can tell by this prologue. This story is New Moon inspired, not just in the way that Edward leaves for Bella's sake. Don't be surprised when New Moon type things happen. Yes, there is an HEA, but it's a bumpy ride. Please hang in there with me.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for helping me out with prereading and beta help! You're the best!**

 **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length.** **No copyright infringement is** **intended. New banner is credited to twifanfictionrecs!**

 **.**

 **Atelophobia~ defined as the fear of imperfection. Accompanied with this fear also comes thoughts of comparison with other's goals, accomplishments, and expectations. Ultimately, it is the fear of 'not being good enough'.** **Atelophobia is classified as an anxiety disorder that can affect relationships and makes the afflicted person feel like everything they do is wrong.**

* * *

 _Here we are_

 _What is left of a husband and a wife_

 _I'm not old but I'm getting a whole lot older every day_

 _It's too late to keep from going crazy_

 _I've got to get away_

 _The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love_

 _And I understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough  
But you ain't the only one that feels like this world's left you far behind_

 _I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time_

 _I hope someday we can see past what you have become  
I remember every time I said I'd never leave_

 _But what I can't live with is memories of the way you used to be_

 _Many years have came and went since I walked out of your door_

 _I never quite made it back to the one I was before_

 _And God it hurts me to think of you  
_ _For the light in your eyes was gone  
_ _Sometimes I don't know why this old world can't leave well enough alone_

 _~Tim McGraw, Angry All The Time_

* * *

 **Prologue**

 **BPOV  
June 2011**

The hole in my chest has gotten so wide, so deep that I can't breathe. Gasping for air and squeezing one arm around my rib cage, I peer up to the bathroom counter. It seems so far away right now, like I'm under a heavy weight and everything is a huge effort. Grabbing the white plastic stick, I pull it down to my place on the floor. The cold tiles are shocking on my hot cheek as I see the plus sign. Somehow, I'm flat on my face on the bathroom floor, with no real memory of laying down. Holding the one thing that I've wanted so desperately for over a year. I would have given anything for it, and I guess I did. I gave up everything, only to gain this one gift. It seemed fate wasn't done with me yet. My head spun, and I forced my deadened muscles to heave myself up to the toilet bowl to be sick.

All I can think of now is him.

What I gave up. What I lost. The man that was my everything.

Edward. My husband.

 _He was yelling at me again, probably hoping I'd show some sign of emotion. I didn't; I just couldn't. I had forgotten how, in the months where everything dragged me down, under the water. These days, I always felt like the world around me was muted, and my ears were full of the water that I drowned in. I couldn't let myself care anymore. I was safer under the water. Protected. Hiding._

" _I can't do this anymore." Edward was suddenly whispering. After the storm of shouting and accusations, this got my attention. His eyes were dark, jade and evergreen. How had I not noticed the pain consuming his features before? He looked like a man burning at the stake._

 _"Do what?" I asked in confusion, my voice hoarse from disuse. I frowned. I should know what he's talking about, shouldn't I?_

 _"I can't live like this. I have to get away from here." He turned to the window, and his hands pulled at his bronze hair before scrubbing over his face. "I'm leaving."_

 _My deadened senses had yet to register that this was serious. "Ok." I resumed staring at the wall, cowering under my imaginary blanket._

You can't see me if I can't see you.  
 _  
Edward turned back to me, incredulous. "Ok? Did you not hear what I said, Bella? I'm leaving." He knelt in front of me, grasping my chin not very gently and forcing me to meet his eyes. "I'm leaving_ you _."_

 _There was nothing but silence as he waited for me to respond. My brain churned sluggishly, but when I saw how serious he was, panic finally set in. My heart started pounding wildly, my eyes widened, and I stood abruptly. My chair fell over with a clatter, but I barely registered the noise. I dragged in uneven breaths, my hands clutching his shirt desperately._

 _"You can't leave me, Edward!" Tears stung behind my eyes, and my ragged breathing had turned to gasps. The words were a feeble expression of my inner anguish._

Everyone else had _, that little voice reminded me._ Only to be expected.  
 _  
Edward circled my wrists with his hands, prying them from his shirt. He held my hands briefly, then dropped them where they hung limply to my sides. His eyes burned green fire into mine. I blinked rapidly, singed. "I've tried everything, Bella. I don't know what to do for you anymore. I can't keep doing this one-sided."_

 _His eyes looked more distant now, dead, like he'd shut off his emotions the way I had. That was something I'd never seen before from him. Cold, as if he was talking to a stranger. Was I a stranger?_

 _"But you-you always swore you'd never leave me. It's in the vows, and-and I love you! I don't know what to do without you!" I sounded pathetic, but at least I was aware of this. I didn't know, didn't realize that he felt like this. I had pushed him to this point without even being present enough to see what I was doing._

 _"I remember every time that I vowed not to leave you, Bella. The thing is, it's for your own good. You aren't happy anymore, and if I give you space, maybe you can find what does make you happy." He turned, dropping his head, and that was when I realized that there was a suitcase by the door. When had he done that?_

 _"I love you, Bella. I always will. It's clear now that I'm not enough." I couldn't absorb the amount of pure agony in his voice as it broke over those words. He picked up the suitcase. "I'll be at my parents' until I figure out what to do. If you need anything." He spoke very quietly with his back to me before heading for the door._

"I need you _!" I shouted. Realizing suddenly that I had to do something, I raced for him. The adrenaline had finally kicked in, and I launched myself at his back before he could open the front door. Caught by surprise, Edward dropped the suitcase and spun around. I slid uselessly to the floor. "I can't live without you!" I screamed, tears pouring down my face. They were so hot, and my entire body felt like it was being attacked by flaming arrows._

 _Sighing, Edward leaned down and helped me to stand. He kissed me gently on the forehead. That only brought on more tears, scalding my cheeks. "I can't live_ with _you. Not anymore." Hastily grabbing the suitcase again, he wrenched open the front door and strode out. It slammed behind him, echoing in my brain._

 _I heard an excruciating, guttural sound of anguish, and it terrified me with its intensity. Until I realized it was coming from me._

* * *

 **I promise chapter one is gentle, and a lot more fun. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm overwhelmed with the number of people that read the prologue, so thank you to everyone willing to give me a shot.**

 **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for pre-reading and beta-ing! You rock!**

 **Time has jumped back here.**

* * *

 _One day  
someone  
will walk into your life  
and you'll suddenly realize  
why  
it never worked out  
with anyone else_

~Anonymous

* * *

 **BPOV  
September 2008  
**

The sky was a beautiful shade of sapphire as I walked along the pier down at the Waterfront district. It was mid-September, a great time of year in Seattle before the weather turned colder and rainy and made it harder to enjoy the outdoors. I was really enjoying the time by myself, mostly browsing and doing a little buying. I chose a bench and sat down; I'd just dropped my bags at my car and was debating whether or not I was hungry. I closed my eyes, leaning back against the bench and taking a deep breath, practically tasting the salty air. A shadow moved in front of me, blocking off the warmth of the sun. I opened my eyes, squinting a bit behind my sunglasses. Adonis had appeared before me, surely an apparition caused by too much sun.

"Hi," said Adonis.

"Uh, hi," I brilliantly replied. I blushed.

He grinned, and I was struck through the heart. And the loins. "I saw you sitting here, and wondered if I could sit next to you."

"Of course," I answered without hesitation, then smiled tentatively. He really was gorgeous, tall and broad shouldered. He had messy hair that shined red with the sun behind him. His jaw was sharp enough to cut glass, and he had full sexy lips.

"My name's Edward," he told me as he sat next to me. _You mean it's not Adonis?_ "It's a family name."

I was staring, sure and bold behind my sunglasses. His eyes appeared like an evergreen forest, with the afternoon sun filtering down. "That's not bad for a family name. Not like Hubert, for instance." I flashed him a grin, hoping my flirting wasn't rusty.

He laughed, and it was a rich velvet sound that went straight to my gut. "I got lucky then, because I had a Great Uncle Hubert."

I laughed too. "Well, my name is Bella. Not a family name, but short for the stuffier Isabella." I stuck out my hand, more interested in touching him than in being polite. When his hand met mine, it felt like static electricity running between our palms.

"Gorgeous." He was looking at me so intently, I pulled off my sunglasses to meet his eyes. "Your name is gorgeous. And actually, so are you." Edward reached out and caught a strand of my dark hair, tucking it behind my ear. I shivered.

"That's, uh. . . very sweet of you." I almost couldn't catch my breath.

"Would you be interested in having lunch with me?" He asked rather abruptly. "I mean. . . If you have nothing else to do. No other plans." He grinned, and it only pulled up on one side, like a sexy smirk. He was flustered.

"I would love to." Again, I didn't hesitate. First, I didn't want him to be flustered, even though it was kind of cute. Second, he was hot, and we were hitting it off. "Ah, it's my birthday. Today. I'm 23. So I would love a birthday lunch with a handsome stranger."

He smiled again, crookedly, and his eyes lit up. "Well, then happy birthday." He stood and offered me his hand. I accepted it, and as I slid my hand into his warm grip, a feeling of rightness washed over me.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

"I'm telling you, Jazz, it was like something out of a soap opera. Or a rom-com." I absently shuffled the papers on his desk. "Everything was perfect. The food was magnificent, the view was spectacular. The conversation rarely lulled, and when it did it was still comfortable. He even respected the truck." I met the eyes of my best friend and coworker over his desk.

"So, you're sayin' love at first sight," he drawled. "Kismet, if you will." His blue eyes sparkled as he said it, and I playfully shoved his arm. "Alright, I'm happy for you. When are you seein' Adonis again?"

As he typed something on his computer, I stared out the nearest window at nothing in particular. "He asked if we could have dinner this Wednesday." I refocused on Jasper. "I said yes. He knows of a place called Eclipse."

Nodding, Jasper looked up at me again. "Sounds good. You gonna go home with him?" He winked.

I snorted. "Leave it to you to say such a thing." I pushed my long brown hair behind my ear. "No. I don't have sex on the first date, you know that."

"Technically, it'll be the second date." Jasper gave me a wide smile. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Ugh. Shut up. I'm going back to my desk." I smiled and walked away, heading to the bank of elevators.

I thought about my lunch date from the weekend, and I couldn't help but sigh. It had really been perfect. I couldn't think of a better way to describe it. We liked a lot of the same things. Our home lives were similar. Edward was charming, sweet, and funny. When he asked if I minded the waiter singing to me, he didn't laugh at me when I balked. He didn't pressure me to 'be more fun', like some dates I'd been on. He accepted that I don't like the spotlight, and quietly wished me happy birthday over a shared dessert. When he walked me to my truck and asked me on a second date, I couldn't help but say yes.

When I returned to my desk, Mike was waiting for me. He was a co-worker who wished mightily to be a boyfriend, and he was not subtle about it whatsoever. He had greasy brown hair and baby blue eyes, and a soft round face that made him look ten years younger than he was. He made me uncomfortable.

"Whatcha doin', Bella?" I didn't appreciate the way he eyed me as I walked up. I resisted the urge to tug on my knee length pencil skirt.

"Running some paperwork to the 3rd floor. You?" I grit my teeth in my effort to be polite.

"I came by to see you, of course." Mike reached out to touch me and I took a purposeful step back. He frowned. "I'm up for a promotion, since Alec wants to retire. They're interviewing in house today. It's a process." His smile was oily.

My stomach dropped to my toes. If he was offered the position, Mike would be my direct supervisor. I swallowed. "That's. . . great, Mike." I couldn't force myself to be any nicer. I hated conflict, or hurting people's feelings; but I couldn't genuinely tell him I wanted him to get the job.

He smiled again. "Well, I better get in there. I'll see you later, Bella." He managed to catch my sleeve with his fingers as he passed. Ugh, I should grow some nerve. I shook my head and went back to work.

* * *

 **Swoon! I'm loving Edward already, and we got to meet Jasper. Any feelings about Mike?**

 **Tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 2

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! You're awesome!**

 **This is technically their second date, since they had lunch on the pier a few days ago.**

* * *

 _When you smile, I melt inside_  
 _I'm not worthy of a minute of your time_  
 _I really wish it was only me and you_  
 _I'm jealous of everybody in the room_

 _Please don't look at me with those eyes  
I dread the thought of our very first kiss  
A target that I'm probably gonna miss_

 _Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost over_  
 _Honest, let's make this night last forever_  
 _Forever and ever, let's make this last forever_

 _~Blink 182, First Date_

* * *

"Yeah, Mom, I'm going out with him tonight to a bar and grill he knows of, called Eclipse." I paused to put the phone on speaker and pulled my dress off its hanger.

"Did you get something new to wear?" My mom asked, as though she had ESP.

"Yes, I went and got something new." I giggled. "I couldn't help myself!" I threw the dress on the bed and went to stand in front of the bathroom counter, setting the phone down.

"He must be special. You hate clothes shopping. What does it look like? Ooh, will you take a selfie and send it to me?" she rattled off breathlessly.

I groaned. "The art of selfies eludes me, Mom. I suck at it. Maybe I'll get someone to take a picture of the both of us; two birds, one stone." I pulled some makeup towards me, debating on what to do.

"Oh, perfect idea, Bells! Ooh! Ooh! Do a cat eye. It's the one makeup look you're good at. Leave your lips bare, just some gloss. What color is your dress?" Typical Renee, unable to focus on one subject. I laughed.

"You're going to give yourself an aneurysm. It's red, sleeveless. Boat neck, shows off my collarbones." I picked up my eyeliner.

"Red? Good pick! You wear too many neutrals. You're gonna knock him dead, I just know it. I'm so thrilled for you, sweetie."

"Me too, Mom. I'm really excited about Edward." Just saying his name out loud made my heart pound. "I'm going to work on my makeup. Tell Dad I said hi and love you."

"I love you, Bella. I'll tell Charlie what you said. I think even he's getting pumped over your date."

"Ok, sure he is. I'll call you later, Mom."

 **~~~oOo~~~**

The place was busy when I reached the door. Edward had offered to pick me up, but I couldn't let him. I didn't think I was ready for him to come to my place just yet. The exterior of the building was stone, with plenty of windows. There was outdoor seating with white lights strung around the overhang.

I saw him just inside the second set of doors, speaking to the hostess. I just stared for a second, absorbing the sight of Edward in dark slacks and a white button down, its sleeves rolled up to the elbows. He turned and opened the door when he saw me. The smile he had for me was huge and bright.

"You look stunning," he said, bringing my knuckles to his lips. I shivered. Every time Edward touched me it felt like a streak of lightning racing from the contact point.

"Thank you," I responded shyly. I wasn't really used to compliments. Well, except for Mike, who's just creepy.

"I was just speaking with the hostess, and she has assured me there's a spot opening up that's somewhat private."

I looked over the main floor, tables and chairs set up around the room. A long bar on the far wall. What one would expect, basically. "So. . . What is it that's special about this place, exactly?"

Edward leaned in close to whisper in my ear. "Honestly, Bella, I don't know." His breath tickled my ear, sending more shivers down my spine. He ran a fingertip over my exposed collarbone. The warmth spread down to my belly, pooling in between my legs. "It's been talked about endlessly since it opened, but I'm not sure what's so interesting. The food is superb, and they have local bands on the weekends." He looked around. "And they are packed for a Wednesday."

I could only hum in some sort of agreement. I couldn't focus on anything he said when his mere presence was turning me on. Lucky for me, the hostess came to seat us. True to her word to Edward, she sat us in a corner booth near a partition.

"My sister is dying to meet you," he said while he looked over the menu, running his hands through his hair and putting it into even more disarray.

I looked up, surprised. "She is?"

"I have to admit," he said as his emerald eyes met mine, "that I've talked about you so much that she's curious."

"You-you've talked about me. To your sister." For some reason, this was vitally important to me. And scary. "What, uh, what have you said?"

He laughed. "Don't worry, good things. Alice thinks you two could be great friends. Of course, she loves to shop, and I remember you saying the other day that you hate the mall."

I sat back to look at him fully-purely for my own benefit. The man was gorgeous. "I like to shop on the waterfront, but I strongly dislike clothes shopping. I did, however, buy this dress specifically for tonight." I fingered the material.

His eyes lit up. "It was definitely worth it. You truly look fantastic."

The waitress appeared to take our orders, and I couldn't help but notice how she stared at Edward as he spoke. I couldn't blame a bitch, but it was rude with me right there. Edward, however, completely ignored her.

When we had both ordered, Edward reached across the table and grasped my hand, linking our fingers together. His thumb stroked back and forth across my knuckles, and I felt that electric charge running the course of his touch. "Bella. I would love for you to meet my family. At least my sister, if the parents would make you nervous."

"I-I think I would like that." I bit my lip. "It's just that. . ." I trailed off, unsure how to articulate what I was worried about.

"You're afraid of. . . what, exactly?" he asked patiently. "Alice will love you. You're very alike, except that she's exuberant and loud." He flashed a quick, crooked grin. "You are quite amazing. I have no doubt you two would be friends. We could meet in a public place, maybe a coffee shop."

I took a deep breath. "That's a good idea," I said shyly. "I don't. . . I don't have a large number of friends and acquaintances. I have two very good friends, and of course my parents."

"You mentioned your college roommate, Angela, the other day. Did you say where she lives?" Edward sat back as our food arrived, releasing my fingers.

"She went back to our hometown, Forks." I looked down at my dish, and when I looked back up, Edward was frozen with his glass halfway to his mouth.

He set it down. "You didn't say Forks at lunch." His face was unreadable.

I frowned, confused. "No, I don't believe I did. Why?" Had I put my foot in my mouth?

"That's my hometown. I graduated from Forks High School."

My eyebrows rose up. "No kidding? I did too. You must have been in a class ahead of mine, since we never ran into each other." I didn't add that I never ran in a group, was never a popular kid. Angela was my only friend in high school, which was actually okay. She was quiet like me, shy, and never felt the need to fill the silence with pointless chatter. We were inseparable even through college.

He smiled again. "I am older than you, so that must be so. My father is a surgeon at the hospital there." He started on his dinner.

"Well, my father is the chief of police," I laughed. Small town chief that never had much to do but play solitaire.

"I was never, ah, involved with the police. I don't suppose I've met your father." He grinned.

"Well, I should hope not," I laughed.

"What a small world," he mused.

"My, um, my only serious boyfriend lived in La Push on the res. Have you ever been out there?"

He nodded. "Sure, to First Beach. Alice and I spent some time there over summer break. Was your ex Quileute?"

"Yes." I fidgeted with my glass. "He was a year older than me, and extremely tall." I huffed a laugh. "I guess 17 year old me was flattered that someone like that wanted to date me." I took a bite to calm my nerves, chewing slowly. Edward never pushed me to continue, but ate quietly as he watched me. "Honestly, he wanted to control me. It took awhile for me to figure it out. I lied to everyone, including myself. I insisted that he was a great guy, but he constantly told me what I should and shouldn't be doing." Once I'd started, the words flowed freely. "I should be more outgoing, more sexy. I should wear makeup, wear my hair different. I tried for a good year, until I was heading off to college. I finally told my dad about Paul, and he went with me to the res when I broke up with him."

Edward reached his arm across the table to take my hand in both of his, stroking my knuckles. "Everyone makes those mistakes, especially at that age. I'm glad you came clean to your dad."

"I'm sure you've never had a relationship like that. There's nothing about you that anyone could complain about." I was teasing, but I saw a shadow flicker across his face before he composed himself again.

"I've had my share of bad breakups." With that declaration, I decided not to push him for answers.

We settled into silence as we finished. It was just as comfortable as the lunch date we'd had on Saturday. When we were finished and Edward had paid, he took my elbow as we headed outside into the cooling air. Walking across the parking lot with him, I wondered what to do next. I was always awkward at the end of a first date. Did you kiss, or not? What if he didn't want to kiss me but I leaned in awkwardly?

He smoothly erased my worries by lifting my hand and turning it over, kissing my palm. Between the tingling and the soft, wet feel of his lips, it was all I could do not to jump him in the parking lot.

"I'll call you about meeting up with Alice," he said in his deep velvet voice. He released my hand and I fumbled to unlock my ancient, faded red truck. Sliding in, I turned my head in his direction to thank him. His face was suddenly there, and I closed my eyes. Edward very carefully kissed my forehead, then retreated and closed my door. He waved, and I tried to remember how to drive.

* * *

 **Next chapter we meet Alice! I loved their date, and we learned a bit about Bella's background.**

 **This song has been added to the playlist, along with** **a picture of the dress Bella is wearing on my FB group, and a sexy Edward in his white button down. I'll add teasers the day before the chapter posts!** **facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/**


	4. Chapter 3

**Someone asked in a review if there's cheating in this story. I have my rules listed on my profile, but I will just go ahead and say it here.**

 **NO CHEATING, ever. I couldn't stomach writing about it.**

 **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! Thanks for the encouragement!**

* * *

 _When I saw you_

 _I fell in love,  
and you smiled _

_because you knew._

 _~William Shakespeare  
_

* * *

When my phone vibrated Friday mid-morning, it jolted me a little in surprise. I was concentrating on my work, and it started jumping it's way across my desk. I had already saved Edward's number, so I knew it was him. I finally snatched it up to answer, instead of just staring at it.

"Edward?" I breathed. It was a little ridiculous how excited I was to hear from him.

"Yes," he chuckled in response. "How is your morning, Bella?"

I stared at my gray cubicle walls. "Boring, actually." I laughed a bit.

"That's too bad. Well, I told you I'd call about Alice. She's available tomorrow around ten. Is that good for you?"

"Oh! Yes, it is. Coffee?" I shifted in my seat to make sure no one was paying attention to me.

"Sure," he said easily. "There's a place near Kerry Park, if you want to meet there first." I just wanted his voice in my ear forever.

"I love that place. Makes moving here worthwhile. I was thinking of asking my friend, Jasper, to come along. For, you know, support." I looked behind me again, for some reason feeling a little paranoid. I wasn't breaking any rules.

"If that would make you more comfortable. Alice said to tell you she's dying to meet you. She wanted to see a picture of you, but we haven't taken any."

"That reminds me," I groaned. "I promised my mom I'd get a picture with you at dinner, and she's been nagging me because I forgot. We'll have to tomorrow, for sure." I frowned. I'd see him in less than twenty-four hours.

"It would be my pleasure," he said, in that velvet smooth voice that made me forget what we were talking about. "We'll see you tomorrow morning, then. Goodbye, Bella." His voice caressed my name, and I clenched my thighs.

"Goodbye, Edward." I clicked off the call and set my phone down. I took a deep breath and spun my chair to get up.

Mike was standing directly behind me. Creeper.

"Excuse me," I said pointedly, hoping he'd back up so I could stand. There wasn't any room, he was so close.

"Who's Edward?" Mike demanded. He had a look of righteous indignation on his face that made me want to hit him.

I frowned at him. "Why?" As though I would tell him anything.

"I heard the end of your conversation. I was coming to tell you my interview went well for the supervisor position." He sounded smug.

"Oh, great." I worked really hard to make sure it didn't sound sarcastic when I said that. I didn't think I succeeded. "Well, I was about to head to the restroom, if you don't mind?" I wasn't, but at least I knew he couldn't follow me in there.

Mike backed up, and I scurried to the ladies room. He was getting too nosy, too irritating. I didn't want to tell him who Edward was, it was none of his business. I washed my hands for something to kill time, then walked quickly out and to the stairwell. I didn't want to risk running into him outside the elevators, and I needed to see Jasper.

It was not much fun taking the stairs in heels, but at least I wasn't completely out of breath when I reached Jasper's desk. I was most certainly not an athlete, but I liked to go to the park and take hikes. It took coordination to be an athlete.

"Hey, Sunshine," he greeted me when he saw me coming. He was typing away at his computer.

"Hey, Jazz." I plopped down in an empty desk chair and rolled over to him.

He looked at me closely. "Took the stairs, dintcha?" One eyebrow was arched at me.

I growled. "How can you always tell? I thought I did pretty decent." I looked down at myself, certain I still looked professional.

"Your face is flushed." He shrugged. "I know girls don't sweat, but your face is glowin'." He grinned.

"Ugh. Damn Mike," I muttered, pushing at the hair around my face.

Jasper put his pen down. "What did that slug do now?" He studied me more closely now that we weren't teasing.

"He was standing directly behind me when I turned to get up. And I had just hung up with Edward. He wanted to know who I was speaking to." I could hear the disgust in my voice.

"Such a tool." Jasper shook his shaggy blonde hair. "So you avoided him by takin' the stairs?"

"I ducked into the ladies' room first." I fanned my face a little. "Anyway, the reason I'm here is to ask you to come with me to coffee with Edward and his sister tomorrow. I'm really nervous to meet any family."

He smiled warmly. "Of course, Sunshine. What time and where?"

I knew Jasper would agree. We'd been friends since our first class in college, and I always felt comfortable around him. He had that effect on people. He was always calm and fearless, no matter the situation. "I'm meeting them at Kerry Park at ten, then we're going to get coffee somewhere nearby."

"That sounds good. Have you talked to Renee, 'cause she's blowin' up my phone."

"Mm, yeah, I know. I forgot the selfie I promised her." I rolled my eyes. What did she think Jasper could do about it?

"We'll do it tomorrow. She made me promise, too." He smiled lazily.

"I'm sure she did." I stood and ruffled his hair. "See you tomorrow, hotshot."

 **~~~oOo~~~**

I arrived at the park at a quarter 'til ten. I was nervous, as I had told Jasper. My hands were a little clammy, so I rubbed them on my jeans. I'd picked a dark blue long sleeved tee that looked nice with my creamy skin, then added a printed scarf to appease my mother. She was right; with my chestnut hair loose around my face, I looked pretty good.

The little sign for the park was surrounded by purple and white petunias, and that made me smile. I walked to the bench closest to the sculpture, sitting down and pulling out my phone. There was a text from Jasper; he would be here in minutes. That relaxed me a bit, knowing the calmest person I'd ever known was almost there. I closed my eyes and took two deep breaths, then opened them to admire the view. There was no doubt that this was a wonderful spot; Mount Rainier in the distance with a cloud cover ringing the top, and the Space Needle that always made me smile. I'd never been to the top, but I had tried to imagine the thoughts going through the head of the artist to first sketch the idea for the tower. Come to think of it, the artist had been named Edward.

As I thought of his name, Edward appeared before me with a shorter, darker haired version of himself. She had his sharp jawline with a more feminine chin, the perfect straight nose that upturned on the end. Her mouth was a flawless bow with a full lower lip. She had the same evergreen eyes as Edward, but her hair was a short jet black shag. There was no mistaking they were related. She was so pretty it hurt.

"Hello, Bella," Edward said. "This is my sister, Alice." He smiled crookedly at me. Alice bounced on her toes.

"Hi, Bella! It's so good to meet you!" Well, Edward was right. She was exuberant.

I stood to greet them properly. "Um, hi. . . Alice. It's nice to meet you, too." I had my hands in my pockets and I forced myself to pull them out and try to look normal.

"Bella!" I heard from behind me. I turned to see Jasper's tall, rangy form walking our way. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief, and gave him a brilliant smile.

"Oh, who do we have here?" I swore I heard a purr from Alice.

"Jasper, ma'am, pleased to meet'choo," he drawled in his best Texas accent.

Oh, man. The two of them were grinning like Cheshire cats. I glanced at Edward, who wore a slight frown. "Edward, Alice, this is my best friend Jasper." I was starting to think they were no longer listening to me. Jasper reached out and took Alice's hand, kissing the back of it genteelly. Sweet Lord, I didn't know he had that much charm.

"Shall we give them a minute's privacy?" I heard murmured in my ear. I shivered, the same reaction I always had when Edward was this close, whispering in my ear. I nodded, swallowing thickly. He led me to the railing, then turned so he was facing me instead of the view.

"Your sister is lovely," I said quietly, sneaking a look at him. He was watching me, and his hand went through his hair the way I'd seen him do a few times before.

He smiled. "We have good genes." Now he shrugged. "She loves to use it to her advantage, but I've never been comfortable doing so." He caught a strand of my hair as it blew in the wind. "Though I've not seen her so taken with any one man the way she seems to be with your friend Jasper." He glanced at them as they talked animatedly, then back at me.

"What can I say, I'm a matchmaker." He gave me his crooked smile again. I didn't feel as nervous as I had before, despite the butterflies declaring war in my stomach. "Um, we promised my mother a picture?" My statement came out as more of a question.

"Oh, of course," Edward agreed. He took the cell phone I handed him and held it out at arm's length. The camera showed the two of us, with Mt. Rainier in the background. "Couldn't get more touristy, but I'm sure it will please your mother." He took the picture and handed the phone back to me. I quickly sent it to her so I couldn't forget.

"Did you want to get that coffee?" he asked. He was watching me again.

"Oh, sure." I'd already forgotten. It seemed we were staring more at each other than the Seattle scenery.

"Alice," Edward called. "Let's get a little sustenance before you decide to eat someone for breakfast." He lowered his voice. "You'd be surprised how much she can pack in that tiny body."

I laughed, glad to know that Alice wasn't actually perfect. We got back in our cars, Jasper sharing with me, to head to the coffee shop. It was very easy to stand in line next to Edward and order as if we were an established couple. I couldn't help but notice that Jasper and Alice did the same. We found a couch that was available and sat down together, Edward pulling me into his side. It was cozy, and I could suddenly envision the four of us doing this for years.

Alice was really an amazing person. She was bubbly, exuberant, and sweet. She literally never met a stranger; she was so kind and patient with everyone, they loved her instantly. Of course, her patience ended with her brother.

"Edward, you ass! I told you it's too soon to ask Bella to meet our parents. You've only known her for a week!" She clucked her tongue as Jasper laughed at her.

"Alice," Edward said dryly, rolling his eyes, "I know. She knows. I was just telling her I want it to happen, not that it has to be tonight." He smiled at me indulgently.

"Well, I'd like to spend time with her first. I like you so much, Bella, I would love to do something with you tomorrow," Alice said as she turned to me.

I set my cup down. "Oh, uh. . ." I looked to Edward for help.

"We have plans, Alice. But maybe you can monopolize her some other time." Edward smirked at his sister while I looked incredulously at Jasper.

"I feel like a child being fought over by divorced parents." That earned a chuckle all around. "Edward and I were planning to have brunch tomorrow and then spend the afternoon together. Would you mind coming over for dinner?" I asked Alice.

She gave me a megawatt smile. "I would love to! Can we make dinner? Can I bring the ingredients, and we can make dinner together? Is your kitchen big enough for the two of us? If not, we can make do." Her hands moved as rapidly as the words flew from her lips. I wondered when she would take a breath.

"That would be. . . great, actually." I smiled, a bit tentatively. "My kitchen should be big enough for the two of us."

"What if Edward stayed, and Jasper joined us? Would you mind the four of us sharing dinner? It doesn't have to be at your place, if you're uncomfortable." Another winning smile.

"Alice, you're going to give her a headache," Edward chastised. "What would you like, Bella?"

What would I like? I really would like to bite that full lip of his. Or maybe that jaw. Hmmm, I could kiss his throat, making my way down to. . .

"Bella?" Edward prompted with a squeeze to my fingers. I jolted back to reality, then I flushed. _No, I was not totally having a sex fantasy about you just now.  
_  
"I think everyone coming over is a great idea. If Alice and I cook, the two of you can do the dishes." That sounded like an excellent plan to me.

Jasper groaned a little. "The only downside to Bella's fantastic cookin' is havin' to wash the dishes afterwards."

Alice swatted him lightly on the knee. "It's only fair," she trilled. "Besides, I'll repay you." She leaned over and nipped at his lips.

I turned away, only to find Edward watching me. He leaned in close, skimming his nose along my cheek, to my jaw line and then kissing the shell of my ear. I got goosebumps all over. "Will I get repayment if I wash dishes like a good boy?" he whispered in my ear. I just managed to swallow my moan.

"Maybe I'll pay you upfront," I said, and it came out much more breathy than teasing.

His grin was a quick flash as he looked into my eyes. "Maybe we'll skip brunch and work out our barter system instead."

I laughed. Sunday was going to be a good day.

* * *

 **If you haven't joined my facebook group yet, _why not?_ But seriously, if you haven't, I add chapter teasers a day before posting, and you can find pics and songs there. And who here doesn't like to ogle sexy pictures of Rob? Yum. The link is on my profile!**

 **I'll give everyone a free hint for next chapter: Diet Lemonade**

 **Sunday is a very good day for these two.**

 **Leave a review!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hello, everybody! Here we are at Chapter 4, and I'm amazed by the number of follows and favorites this story has received. Thank you!**

 **I have finished writing this story, and am so ready to go to sleep at a decent hour at night now. It seems that ideas always hit me the strongest right before bedtime. It was worth it, though.**

 **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! She's the best!**

 **I'll stop talking now so everyone can get to the citrus action.**

* * *

 _Love  
one another,  
but make not  
a bond of love;  
let it rather  
be a moving sea  
between the shores  
of your souls_

~Khalil Gibran

* * *

Edward knocked on my door at 9:30. I tripped over my feet as I rushed to open it, thankfully breaking my fall on the back of the armchair. Then I couldn't seem to work the simple deadbolt, so it felt like twenty minutes had passed by the time I wrenched open the door.

There he was, my own personal Greek god. Sculpted from creamy marble, bronze locks holding onto tiny droplets of water from the rain. His leather jacket smelled heavenly, and his black jeans were absolutely painted on. Helplessly, I leaned into him, standing on my toes and raising my mouth to his. He caught up immediately and claimed my mouth with his own.

This was the first time we'd actually kissed. There had been plenty of times that Edward had kissed my head, my hands, but this was full glory. He pulled my upper lip into his mouth, sucking on it; he backed me into the apartment, shutting the door soundly behind him. I didn't even realize I was pushing against him until his back met the door. His hands were in my hair at the base of my skull, and his long fingers gripped my head like he was afraid I'd disappear. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and he moaned as electricity seemed to shoot between us. This did wonderful things between my thighs, and they clenched together.

Coming up for air, I felt his chuckle vibrate through his chest. "I like this greeting very much," he growled as his lips descended on my throat. Tilting my head back with the hand still in my hair, Edward thoroughly ravished my neck and jaw. My legs turned to jelly just as he pulled back, placing a soft kiss on my lips. I met his eyes, my brown reflecting back from his green.

I started laughing.

An eyebrow went up. "I amuse you?"

"Oh, God," I gasped. "Not you, me." I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. He finally joined me.

"You did attack me," he pointed out.

"That's what's so funny! I've really been wanting to do that," I admitted. Though I didn't get as much time on that jaw as I would've liked, the day had just begun.

Brunch was good, and I was stuffed, so we walked around a bit before heading back to my place. We didn't have solid plans for the time before Alice and Jasper showed up, so we were in no hurry.

"My parents are really great," I said as we meandered along. The rain had abated for the time being, though the clouds were still heavy. "They've always supported me in everything. I was never terribly popular, so I guess I spent a lot of my time with them. They've been married for such a long time, but they're still romantic with each other. My dad doesn't show too much emotion, but he'll grab my mom now and then for a hug or kiss, and you just see the love."

"Mm," he responded. "We're a close family too. Alice was the popular one; I just wanted to write music." He gave me one of those crooked smiles, where only half of his mouth turned up. It was really sexy.

"You said piano, right?" I glanced down to his long fingers.

"Yes." He nodded.

And suddenly all I could think about were those fingers and what he could do with them. I cleared my throat. "I would enjoy hearing you play sometime." I realized my voice was husky.

Edward looked down at me, and we both stopped walking. The rain started up again lightly, but it didn't faze either of us. Bending his head, Edward leaned in to my face. "Should we go back?" he murmured, brushing those luscious lips across mine softly. I wanted to devour him, so I figured it would be a good idea to go. He grabbed my hand, and we dashed through the rain back towards my place.

When we returned to my apartment, I let us in quietly and set the keys on the table by the door. I turned to Edward, and he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I could feel his heart against my cheek where it beat under his shirt, and I breathed in the scent of leather, rain, and just Edward. I felt his lips on my head, the breath that he exhaled ruffling my hair. It felt incredibly right to be held by him.

"Do you-do you feel it, too?" I asked almost silently. I held my breath waiting for his response.

"I do, Bella. I feel like we belong with each other. I feel like the luckiest man to have met you." He led me to the couch, where he sat and pulled me down sideways across his lap. Our lips met again, hands skimming arms, faces. I tugged his hair, putting it into more disarray than usual. He softly ran his fingertips over my cheeks, down my jaw to my neck, and around to the base of my skull.

Impatient with his coat, I pushed it off his shoulders, and he helped me take it off his arms and then tossed it somewhere on the floor. His hands found their place in my hair again, and his eyes were such a dark jade as he looked at me greedily before dipping his head. His tongue found the hollow of my throat, his hands massaging the back of my neck. I might have whimpered when he tilted my head and ran his tongue behind my ear, sucking the sensitive skin there.

My face was flaming, and my internal temperature must have been rising as well. I was only grateful when he shoved at my raincoat until it fell off my shoulders, but then my hands were trapped behind me. For some reason this excited me, and I arched my chest toward his. The friction of my nipples against the hard planes of his chest caused me to moan, and he lifted his head from my throat to look at me.

"You like that, don't you, Bella," he said, and it was not a question. It was obvious I was on the verge of boiling over. His head lowered, and I gasped loudly as he took one of my nipples between his teeth, through the fabric of my shirt and bra.

My hands were still in my coat, trapped behind my back. I struggled the rest of the way out of it, and my hands were in his hair, holding his head to my chest. He teased each one in turn, leaving wet spots on my shirt. Shifting, I straddled his legs with my own. I looked directly in his eyes as I rolled my hips. I could feel his erection pressing through his jeans, and thanked whatever sex god there was that I had decided to wear leggings. He felt amazing, right where I wanted him most. His long fingers gripped my hips as I rolled them again, and I was rewarded with a loud groan. My hands fisted his hair again as I kissed his lips roughly, nipping the bottom one between my teeth.

Needing the friction, my hips rocked faster of their own accord. My head dropped back as my orgasm built. His hands moved, and then one long finger stroked me over my leggings. His other hand gripped my hip, holding me still. A second finger joined the first, and he managed to catch just the right spot.

"Oh my God, Edward!" I cried out as the orgasm washed over me. My thighs clenched against his as I tried to breathe evenly and come down from my high. Then I realized that I just humped Edward on my couch.

Lifting my head, I looked sheepishly up at him. He was wearing a big ass grin, so I didn't feel too bad. "I didn't plan for that," I said quietly. My body was like molten lava, so hot, but loose and soft.

"I'm not complaining," he said, but then he reached down and adjusted his pants.

"I didn't. . . I mean, you didn't. . ." I wasn't sure what to say. _Sorry you didn't get your rocks off too?_

"That's ok," he laughed. "I was dangerously close. That's why I stopped you. As wonderful as it felt, I don't have a change of clothes, and we're expecting company."

"We are?" I clapped a hand over my mouth. "Oh, God, Alice! Jasper! I need to clean up, or at least brush my hair. Jesus, I must look a mess," I rambled.

"Don't panic. I'll straighten the living room, you head to the bathroom." He kissed me gently, and I scrambled off his lap to fix myself.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

Alice and Jasper arrived on time, carting bags full of groceries. We were making carbonara and a salad, so I got started frying the bacon. Alice moved around me fluidly as she washed and chopped the veggies for the salad. It was like we'd done it hundreds of times.

"Brunch was excellent, then we walked until the rain got to be too much," I told Alice. I thought I would be more awkward than usual, but instead I felt completely at ease. Jasper sat at the counter watching us work, while Edward opened the wine Alice brought and set the table.

"We took a drive, then had lunch together at Michou while it rained. It's at Pike Place, have you been, Bella?" Alice was chopping yellow bell peppers as she spoke. I shook my head.

"It was nice to look at the stalls and pick what we wanted for dinner. We'll definitely have to go back and spend the day; there's so much to do there," Jasper said. I was not oblivious to the fact that they were making plans for future dates.

"Have you never been, Jasper?" Edward asked from the table. He was almost done setting out the silverware.

"No, I'm not much for shoppin'," he answered. "I knew there were restaurants, but never thought to go. Until Ali suggested it, that is." He grinned at her, and she blew him a kiss.

I glanced at Edward; he was smiling softly, so I hoped that meant he approved of my best friend and his sister. I dumped the noodles into the bacon pan and stirred them around, then whipped a few eggs before adding them and stirring some more. Alice added some green onions at the end, and I smiled in thanks. We had a synchronicity going that I enjoyed.

Dinner was loud, full of laughter and good-natured ribbing. The Cullens were so easy to get along with, and Jasper had always been comfortable with himself. I was usually the spaz in the group, but instead I felt like I belonged with these three people. We fit together like a little family, and I loved it.

The boys cleaned up the kitchen after dinner while Alice and I sat on the couch and drank wine, swapping stories about Forks High. She was younger than me, so the three of us were rarely together. We most likely ate in the cafeteria at the same time, but I would never have dreamed of asking to join someone's table. I always sat with Angela. Alice admitted that she would sit with Edward, since it was easier than navigating cliques.

It was odd to me that we'd grown up in the same town, but never met until we were adults. And we hit it off now as though we'd been friends from the cradle. I was thanking my lucky stars as everyone left that evening. It had been magnificent.

* * *

 **Any guesses who we meet next chapter? Join the Facebook group and you'll find out early when I post a teaser! Link is on my profile!**

 **Next chapter Edward tells us about his ex.**

 **It's my birthday, I'd love it if you tell me what you think!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Almost 50 reviews! Thank you to everyone who is sticking around to read my little story.**

 **No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! XOXO**

 **Let's see how everyone feels about Rosalie and Emmett. Oh, and a tiny lemon warning. Not that I think anyone minds.**

* * *

 _If I can stop one heart  
from breaking  
I shall not live in vain;_

 _If I can ease one life the aching,_  
 _or cool one pain,_

 _Or help one fainting robin_  
 _unto his nest again,_

 _I shall not live in vain._

 _~ Emily Dickinson_

* * *

 **October 2008**

A few weeks later, Edward invited all of us to come to his place for a get together. He wanted me and Jasper to meet his best friend Emmett and his wife Rosalie. Alice and Rose were already close, and Edward was hoping we could all get to be friends with each other. He'd already warned me that Rose came across as a mega bitch; she was tough as nails, and looked like a supermodel. Emmett, he said, was built like a linebacker but was really sweet and brotherly.

After I'd helped Edward set out the snacks, I went to stand at the windows overlooking the city where I could just make out Pioneer Place Park. I had not slept well the night before and I was exhausted. I watched the sun sink lower behind the skyline, the buildings awash in red-orange light. Edward walked up behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around me.

"Thank you for helping," he said quietly in my ear. I loved the tenor of his voice, velvety and smooth.

"Of course," I answered automatically. I was more than worried about meeting Rosalie. Despite what Edward said about her being nice once you got to know her, I was afraid I'd be a shrinking violet and just piss her off. I didn't know what would happen if she didn't like me.

Edward turned me in his arms, kissing my lips sweetly before touching his forehead to mine. "Don't worry," he whispered, as though he could read my mind.

"How did you know?" I asked, pulling back to look at him.

"I can read your face fairly well, Bella." He ran a fingertip over the frown between my brows. "You're anxious, because you want to make a good impression. The only way to do that is to just be yourself. Be Bella, the way you are with me and Jasper and Alice. Remember how much we all like you." He smiled, reaching up to run his hand through his hair and tug on the ends.

The doorbell rang as he finished his little speech, and then it opened. "Hello, big brother!" I heard Alice's soprano voice.

"Alice, come on in. I assume you have Jasper in tow?" The two appeared around the wall that separated the rest of the loft from the kitchen. Alice set a bag down on the dining table before hugging her brother. Jasper came and hugged me tightly before ruffling my hair, then shook hands with Edward while Alice gave me a little one armed hug, not letting go.

"It's a beautiful view, isn't it?" she asked rhetorically. The lofts each took up a corner of the building, so there were two walls with windows, but I enjoyed the view from the dining and kitchen area the most, as it overlooked the entrance and afforded views of the historic park.

"Mm," I responded. Alice must have sensed the same mood in me as Edward had.

"Really, Rose is great. She's an ice queen at first, but Emmett is such a big lug that you won't even notice, and then she'll warm up and it'll be like you were always friends. Like us!" she squealed.

There was a minuscule nook in the corner of the kitchen, where Edward had squeezed a pair of armchairs with a throw rug and lamp. Alice led me to the chairs, sitting down with me and chattering in her usual way until I felt much more comfortable.

When Edward answered the door ten minutes later, my nerves kicked back in. I stood with Alice by the dining table as the biggest version of the Hulk I'd ever met came around the corner from the hallway. He had dark curly hair that he kept short and laughing blue eyes. There were muscles on top of his muscles, and he was taller than Edward by at least half a foot. I blinked to be sure I wasn't seeing things, and then his wife rounded the corner, her hand on Edward's shoulder.

"Relax," Jasper whispered from beside me. I did, but only a fraction. Alice danced to the blonde's side, and the two hugged.

All bets were off when she turned to me, and her eyes narrowed as she looked me over. I resisted the urge to squirm under her scrutiny. There was no doubt that she was perfect; tall, slender but with a substantial rack, long and thick blonde hair that I swear shimmered in the sunlight. Legs for days in tight jeans. Great for my self esteem.

Edward gestured in my direction. "Rosalie, Emmett, this is Bella." Emmett came forward and lifted me into a bear hug so hard I could hardly breathe.

"Edward's told us all about you!" Emmett boomed in my ear. I grasped his forearms, unsure of how to react. Rosalie looked annoyed, so of course I blushed.

Alice piped up, "And this is Jasper. He works with Bella, she introduced us." I watched as Emmett and Jasper shook hands. The men stood together, immediately falling into guy talk. It was so easy for them. Alice took my hand and Rosalie's, leading us to the other side of the room and the couches. She pulled me down to the couch with her, and Ice Queen took an armchair. Honestly, her hair gleamed when the light filtered through the window behind her.

"So, Rose works in fashion downtown, not that far from here really. She picks fabrics and notions, and sometimes they let her design things. She goes to all the great runway shows, and she lets me come all the time." Leave it to Alice to fill the silence.

"That sounds like a great job," I said quietly, and Blondie frowned. I hoped she got early wrinkles.

"And Bella and Jasper work at U Dub. Bella works in admissions, and Jasper does IT. He's really smart, it amazes me what he's capable of when he gets his hands on a computer. He's so cute, don't you think Rose? All long and lean. Smart and sexy. I got so lucky, thanks to Bella." Alice paused to take a breath. Rose still hadn't spoken.

"Who would like some drinks?" I heard from Edward across the room. I couldn't get to him fast enough. He looked at me carefully, then hugged me to his side. "You're doing fine," he whispered in my ear before kissing my temple. Jasper handed me a girly wine cooler, and I smirked. I didn't drink much, so I usually went for the lightweight stuff.

"Ice melts, Bella, if it's warm enough."

Emmett guffawed, "Well, no shit, man!" However, I knew that Jasper was giving me advice and comfort.

Alice and Rosalie were mixing drinks, so I went over there. "How long have you been married to Emmett, Rosalie?" I asked, using the warmest voice I could muster.

She looked at me, and I felt like she was analyzing my whole life in that long stare. Just when I thought she wasn't going to answer, she did. "Three years," she answered with a flip of her hair over her shoulder. Well, at least I'd gotten her to speak to me.

"I helped them plan their wedding," the determined pixie spoke up. "Mostly layout of the reception, and decorations. It's what my mom and I do. Interior design. If you ever agree to meet them," she rolled her eyes, and Rosalie scowled, "Mom can show you what we've done."

"I'd love to, Alice, soon," I promised. "Excuse me." I headed to the bathroom, and I heard Alice whispering behind me.

"Seriously, Rose. Give her a chance."

Well, at least I knew Alice would remain in my corner. I slid the old barn door closed behind me, taking a moment of sanctuary in Edward's huge white bathroom. I really just needed a minute to myself, to not have to pretend for anyone. I stood in front of the mirror and gave myself a full once over. I wasn't gorgeous, certainly not like Blonde Ambition. My long chestnut hair fell in gentle waves midway down my back, my eyes were close to the color of milk chocolate, and my skin was clear and pale. Of course, it was flushed now, as it often was in the company of pretty much anyone.

There was a knock on the door, and I turned around and slid it open. Jasper was there, a rueful smile on his face.

"Alice says Ed's last girlfriend was a real piece of work, and Rose has become very protective," he said softly. "They're like brother and sister."

I nodded. "Well, she'll never know I'm a decent human being if she doesn't give me a chance." We were talking quietly, since lofts didn't exactly afford much privacy.

"Her loss, Sugar. Come on, don't hide." He put his arm across my shoulders, leading me back to the rest of them. Edward looked up when he saw us, and smiled and held out his hand. I crossed the room and accepted his embrace.

"How do we know she's not boinking Jasper on the side and making fools out of them both?" I heard in an angry hiss. I stiffened in Edward's arms.

"Rosie, that's such a rude thing to say about someone you just met," I heard Emmett's bass in response. He was not capable of being quiet, I imagined.

"We've all just met her, that's my point."

"Well, Jasper's known her for years," Emmett tried.

"Exactly," Ice Bitch growled.

Wow.

"I don't understand why you hate me so much," I spoke up. Five heads turned in my direction, and I wished I'd kept my mouth shut. There was a reason I didn't do confrontations.

"Because I don't know you. I'm not going to stand by while another girlfriend treats Edward like shit." She was practically snarling now.

Face flaming, I folded my arms around my chest and tried not to squeak when I answered. I took a deep breath. "Well, I'd love to think I'm treating Edward very well, like he deserves."

"We'll see," she snapped. Emmett put his large hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off and glared at him. Well, at least it wasn't directed at me.

"Ah, hell, who'd like to get trashed?" Emmett yelled, causing everyone to laugh. Except me, and the guard dog.

I turned into Edward's embrace, remembering that he loved Emmett, and therefore his wife. I tried to remember that she was protecting him from nasty girlfriends, that it wasn't really personal. I failed.

Tears pricked my eyes, and I willed myself not to cry in front of everyone. I bit down on my lip to try to distract myself. Instead, Edward pulled my face to his and sucked my lower lip into his mouth, kissing me until I was breathless.

"I'm going to talk to her, love. I'll tell you later about she who shall not be named." He grinned crookedly at me, and I nodded. I still had to wipe at the corner of my eyes, but at least I wasn't blubbering. Alice came to stand with me, and I smiled at her gratefully.

"The last one was a ho, just saying. She snuck around on Edward, all the while telling him he wasn't good enough for her. He finally believed her, and he was miserable for awhile. She criticized every damn thing he did, to the point that he was no longer the Edward I grew up with. Then, he found her cheating on him. Moved into this place immediately after that. Said he couldn't go into his apartment and not visualize Tanya and that guy."

"Take a breath, Ali," I suggested.

She just shrugged. "When he tells you, it'll go easier if you have a heads up. Just please, don't ever tell him he's not good enough. I know he has his faults, just don't make him feel inadequate."

"Okay, Alice. I promise not to be mean to your brother. Who's perfect, by the way."

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." She smiled winningly, and I laughed. I gave her a hug and Emmett came over to join us.

"I'm sorry about my wife. She's a mama bear sometimes." If that was true, then he was a teddy bear.

"It's not your fault, Emmett." I couldn't think of anything nicer to say about the pit bull, so I left it at that. Jasper, Alice, and Emmett kept me company while Edward and Rosalie talked in the bedroom area. It was only separated by a massive bookcase, so I could occasionally hear her snarling, but Edward's voice was full of quiet conviction. That pleased me immensely.

Blondie never did hang out with me, but she wasn't openly rude anymore either. The group only lasted a couple of hours before we dispersed. I was never happier to have a party end.

"Bella," Edward called from the bedroom after the last of our friends left.

"I'm here," I replied from the kitchen sink. I was rinsing the last of the glasses and placing them in the dishwasher.

He didn't reply, so I wound my way around the kitchen to the bookshelf, then around it to the bed. Which my sinful boyfriend was sprawled across, shirtless. He crooked a finger at me. Smiling, I jumped on him, then giggled as the bed bounced and he had to catch me to keep us from butting heads. I felt so much more relaxed without our day's company.

"I wanted to talk to you a little about my ex, Tanya," he said quietly. I sobered instantly. "She, uh... Well, she cheated on me. I cried on Emmett's shoulder enough that Rose got sick of me." He smiled halfheartedly.

"That's not funny, Edward." I ran my fingers through his hair. We were somewhat sprawled across the bed, the city lights shining in through the uncovered windows, and I shifted around until we were lined up next to each other.

"Okay, well. She was great at first. Supportive of my career, very flattering. She was, ah, I guess you could say. . ." he faltered.

"Gorgeous?" I offered. He growled.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "You are gorgeous, Bella. She was merely pretty." He framed my face with his hands, long fingers spreading into my hairline. "We were both shallow people; the difference was, when I was ready to grow up, she was infuriated. She became critical, of everything and everyone. She didn't want Rosalie and Emmett to come over. She didn't want me to spend time at my sister's. She wanted me all to herself. When I was home, nothing I did was right. It was very hard to live with."

"She-she lived with you?" I stuttered. My heart plummeted. Beautiful Tanya had lived with him.

He massaged above my ears. "Not really. I mean, she still had her own place, but she was over a lot. I began staying later at work to avoid her, but I kept thinking that I was the problem."

"You weren't," now it was my turn to growl.

He chuckled. "Well, it took me longer to figure that out. It took me walking into my apartment and finding her taking it from behind over my kitchen table to realize the problem wasn't me." I winced. "Sorry, that was blunt." He kissed my cheek.

"Mm, well, I understand your point. What did you do?" I frowned in concern.

"I moved out. I found this place, and burned the kitchen table before I left. I haven't heard from her since I threw her and the guy out. Him quite literally."

"So, you used brute strength on the guy she was cheating with?" I asked softly, running my hands up and down his bare chest. His stomach muscles flexed as I ran my fingertips over his abs. "Cause that's hot," I purred.

He rolled me over, looming over me and then leaning down to kiss me. "That's why Rose is so careful around you. She just wants to be sure."

I gripped his shoulders, levering up enough to kiss his jaw. The warm weight of his lower half over mine was inviting. "Can we be done talking about other women while in your bed?"

"Absolutely," he breathed. I arched towards him when he covered my nipple with his hot mouth. Moaning, I grabbed his hair and held his head to me. Those clever fingers found their way into the waistband of my jeans, and he stopped long enough to flip open the button, sliding the zipper down torturously slowly. He dragged his fingertips ever so gently across my heated skin as the zipper moved down. I lifted my hips to help him drag off my jeans. He touched me over my boy shorts, then slipped under them. "I love to watch you come, Bella. You're so hot," he breathed into my ear. I felt the familiar electricity building between us, and then it exploded as my orgasm took over. He stroked me gently until my shudders subsided, kissing me tenderly the whole time.

"Sleep, Bella," he whispered. I snuggled up next to him when he pulled me up to the pillows, trying to remember what I wanted from him. Oh, yeah. For him to whip his dick out. A yawn escaped when I opened my mouth to say something. He kissed my cheek, then started humming. I was out before he hit the second verse.

* * *

 **So, thoughts on Rosalie? Nicknames? If anyone has any good ones, I definitely want to hear them!**

 **Don't forget to join the Facebook group for gorgeous pics of Rob and chapter teasers! Link is on my profile.**


	7. Chapter 6

**So, a bit of a big step is happening in this chapter. If you're part of the FB group, you already know Bella is looking for a little more action from Edward. Like she said on their date, who can blame a bitch? But we're also meeting Ma and Pa Cullen.**

 **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! Lava you!**

 **Let's meet the senior Cullens before a little lemony action.**

* * *

 _Love's the sweetest feeling_  
 _Openly believing_  
 _No matter what we find there_  
 _Come back in through the eyes there_  
 _Sole and born creation_  
 _The lion's in the house_  
 _Flowers are up in the air_  
 _Crashing against the dark_

 _Fire in the water_  
 _Is the body of our love_

 _Fire in the water_  
 _Is the body of our love_

 _~ Feist, Fire In The Water_

* * *

Near the end of October, Edward and I had been dating for five weeks. We saw each other several times a week, for coffee, lunch, dinner; we couldn't seem to spend more than a day apart. Edward had continued to hint at meeting his parents, and I finally relented. After all, they had raised Edward and Alice, the two greatest people I'd ever met next to Jasper. If they were half as friendly, it would go fine.

We pulled up to a beautiful white house nestled into a stand of trees. I could easily envision ladies in Gibson Girl hairstyles and long flowing skirts walking the porches. The high peaked roof was brown, as was the trim around the upper floor. There was a low overhang shading the porch, which was overflowing with flowering plants and white rocking chairs. It looked comfortable and welcoming, and not at all intimidating.

The door was opened as we approached, and a sweetly pretty middle-aged woman was standing there smiling at us. I could see that Edward had inherited his copper hair from her, as well as the green eyes the siblings shared. When she smiled, I could see the resemblance to her son.

"I'm Esme, you must be Bella. Welcome to our home," she said. She held her arms open as I approached, and I stepped into her embrace. She was an inch or two shorter than me, but I was overcome with the maternal feelings she was projecting. Taking a step back, she briefly cupped my face between her small, warm hands.

"It's such a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Cullen," I said sincerely.

"No, no. Call me Esme, dear." She reminded me somehow of Alice.

"Are they here?" I heard from behind Esme. I tried not to gasp as Edward's father came down the hall I could see from the doorway. He was tall, blonde, and appeared to be pretty damn stunning for the age he must be.

"They are," said Esme, as she ushered us into the house. "Carlisle, this is Bella."

He stuck out his hand, and I took it shyly. He didn't shake my hand, merely clasped it between his own. "Lovely to meet you, Bella. I'm Carlisle. Edward and Alice both have spoken of you so much I feel as though I already know you." His smile was warm and showed in his hazel eyes. Edward was very like his father, despite the difference in eye and hair color.

I blushed at their enthusiasm and glanced at Edward. He leaned in and kissed my temple. I caught the indulgent smile on Esme's face as I accepted his kiss. She turned and led us into the kitchen, which was all white except for the huge copper range hood and a copper pot rack hanging over the island.

"Esme, your home is stunning," I said sincerely. I was in awe of everything I saw. There was a large window wall opposite the kitchen, and the trees were practically hugging the house. I could see a bit of a lawn past the trunks, and possibly a flower garden. The walls were all white, as was the furniture. The color was in the accessories, and there seemed to be endless jewel tones.

"Thank you, Sweetie, Alice helped me with the interior design. We remodeled a bit a few years ago, and I must admit we had a blast." She poured something in a glass and handed it to me as she spoke. "Mojito?" she offered. Taking the cold glass, I took a sip. The mint was refreshing, and I caught the tart taste of lime.

"Thank you," I murmured. I wasn't sure what else to say, so I stood quietly leaning against the counter as Esme bustled around the kitchen. The smells coming from the oven were remarkable.

Edward and Carlisle started discussing sports, so I tuned them out and watched Esme. She pulled a dutch oven from the top of the double ovens, then set it on a trivet. She peeled back the foil, and I could see a pot roast bubbling between carrots and potatoes. She returned to the bottom oven and retrieved golden rolls with her oven mitt. I stepped over to her and took the butter from the counter top, slathering it on the hot rolls. Esme smiled at me, then went into the pantry for something. When I was through, I looked around, but the table in the corner wasn't set, not to mention it was too small for the four of us.

"We're eating outside, love," Edward spoke quietly as he stepped up next to me. "Let's take these to the veranda." He grabbed the oven mitts and lifted the Dutch oven, and I followed with the bread. Carlisle opened the French doors and Edward and I took the food to the table under the shade of a pergola. Blooming vines fought for space as they crawled over the beams, choking each other in their climb to the summit. Esme came with the pitcher of Mojitos, and Carlisle started cutting the roast. I sat in a wicker chair next to Edward, and just leaned back and inhaled. It was a gorgeous day, the company making it even more so.

Esme was attentive, asking about my job and how I knew Jasper. She asked about my parents, and told me she thought she'd met my father at the hospital once. That started a conversation with Carlisle about his work there, and I realized he was incredibly passionate about helping people. They were sweet, warm, and welcoming. I could see how Edward had turned out the way he had.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

At the end of the day, when the sun had given up the ghost and was obscured by the clouds hovering near the horizon, Edward was driving us back to Seattle. I couldn't stop staring at him, my knees pulled up to my chest and my feet perched on the edge of the leather seat of his black Volvo.

Finally, he glanced over at me with my favorite crooked smile. "What?"

"Your parents are legit perfect, Edward. Why didn't you tell me?" I laid my cheek on my knee.

"And make you more nervous? Then, my odds of leading you down the yellow brick road would've lowered drastically."

I couldn't tell if he knew how perfect they were, or if he was just teasing me. We stopped at a red light. "Seriously. Your mother is an angel, and your father looks like he hasn't aged since high school. They might actually be vam-" My rambling thoughts were cut off as Edward leaned over swiftly and kissed me.

"I was talking here," I mumbled around his lips. When he pulled my upper lip into his mouth, I didn't give a flying fuck about anything else. He kissed me thoroughly, until the car behind us honked its horn rudely. With a rueful grin, Edward pulled away and gave his attention back to the road.

I sighed contentedly. It had been a rather glorious day. I liked his parents very much, and they did their best to make me feel welcome and not-awkward.

We reached the garage to Edward's loft, and he pulled into his assigned parking space. He held my hand as we walked across the street and into the marble foyer and rode the elevator to his floor. I'd been spending increasing amounts of time at Edward's place; I had a toothbrush there as well as a few changes of clothes. However, we had yet to do more than actually sleep in the big black bed with the lush gold duvet. And make out. We did that plenty. For some reason, and I couldn't find it in me what that could be, Edward still thought we should wait to do more.

It was a routine now. I went into the sleeping area and put on sleep shorts and a tank, and he went into the bathroom to strip down to boxer briefs. We brushed our teeth, and I washed my face. Very domestic.

Except that I was frustrated. Edward could give me soul shattering orgasms, so it wasn't that I hadn't found release. But we had not seen each other naked, and he would not let his dick out of its constraints. And I wanted him to, most desperately.

I needed his dick to make an appearance.

We climbed into the big bed, and as usual, Edward pulled me to him. He tucked my head into the crook of his neck, and I breathed him in. Edward smelled of pine and leather, wood chips and the outdoors. I couldn't put my finger on the exact scent, but whatever it was, it was all Edward. Of course I couldn't behave myself. My hand trailed flat up his bare chest, and my lips found the soft skin of his neck as his arms tightened around me. He lifted my face with his finger, kissing me as deeply as that angle allowed. His thumb brushed across my cheek as he gently cradled my face, and his tongue delved deeply into my mouth when I shifted over him. It felt incredibly sensual, and I moaned when my writhing brought my thigh in contact with his cock. He was so hard, the length of him reaching the waistband of his boxers. I just wanted a taste, a peek, anything.

Suddenly, Edward loomed over me, and my heart was trying to gallop out of my chest. He skimmed his palms down, thumbs grazing my peaked nipples. I cried out softly, and he brought my tank up to expose my breasts. He dipped his head and claimed one, tongue rolling over the tight bud and making my hips arch, and his cock brushed my leg again. Coherent thought left me as he continued to lave my nipple with the flat of his tongue. The hand that was not supporting his weight ran over my stomach in light touches, and my muscles contracted with each pass. His tongue explored my chest, moving up to my throat, as his hand roamed lower. I gripped the sheets tightly as his fingers moved under the waistband of my shorts, those talented fingers finding the flesh between my legs wet, waiting for him. He circled my clit with one finger, and I bucked and cried out. My hands moved to his muscled back as one finger dipped inside, the other continuing its circular motion.

I moved my hands down to his ass, slipping under his boxers, and his muscles clenched under my fingers. I squeezed, loving the smooth feel of his skin. Edward moved back to kiss me again, and it didn't take long for the orgasm to roll over me, crushing me momentarily before allowing me to fly. My hands slid around to the front, still under his boxers, and I gripped the length of his cock between my hands. He groaned loudly, and I reveled in the velvet-over-steel feel of him. I moaned as his heavy cock twitched in my hands, because I was so close to what I wanted. I moved my hands, stroking from the base to the tip, using both hands because yeah, he was that big. Yet, after only a few passes Edward abruptly moved away from me, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

Stung and confused, I adjusted my clothing and got up quietly to move down the hall and into the bathroom. I closed the door and leaned against it before the tears started. It was stupid to be upset, I knew. Edward was so thoughtful of my every need, and he was clearly turned on. I still couldn't help the prickly-skinned feeling of being unwanted. I pushed away from the door and turned the water on, staring at it as it ran down the drain. My tears plopped into the swirling water, mingling and disappearing.

I didn't hear the door, but Edward was standing behind me then, his chin on my shoulder as he reached forward and turned off the water. I continued to stare into the sink, ashamed to meet his eyes in the mirror.

"Bella," he said as soft as a breath. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never intentionally make you cry." He turned me in his arms, and I found his chest fascinating. He used a finger to lift my chin, looking me earnestly in the eyes. "I just think-"

"Maybe I don't care what you think!" I exploded. _I guess I found my voice_. One of his eyebrows rose, but he didn't speak. "Maybe I want to have sex with you, Edward. Maybe I'm dying to do more than make out, though Jesus in Heaven are you good at that. Why do _you_ get to decide that _we_ abstain?" I demanded, chest heaving.

"I-I just think maybe we rushed into so much about our relationship. We met and immediately had our first date. You met my sister a week later, and she started dating your best friend on the spot. We have spent the night at each other's places, we've rarely been apart. I enjoyed every minute, Bella, but I don't want you to think for one second that I'm in this for the sex." He tugged on his hair, almost looking frustrated before he brushed my hair away from my face and cupped my cheeks in his hands. "I want you to never doubt that I'm here because I'm in love with you."

I was stunned. His eyes bored into mine, and I knew he was absolutely sincere. My breathing turned erratic as I tried to form the words. Because I had known for quite some time that I was madly in love with him, but I was terrified to say the words first. "Oh, Edward." I cradled his lovely face in my hands as I spoke. "I love you, too. So much." I kissed him tenderly, and he engulfed me in a tight hug.

* * *

 **They said it! Thoughts? Guesses for next chapter?**

 **I'll have this song added to the playlist, which you can find under my pen name, and I'll post the link on the group page.**


	8. Chapter 7

**So, my lovelies. Who's ready for some fluffy lemonade? Hopefully, anyone reading is over 18. If not, I don't want to know about it.**

 **No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! I owe it all to you!**

 **I listened to this song on repeat while writing this chapter.**

* * *

 _Oh my my my, what you do to me  
Like lightning when I'm swimming in the sea  
From the very first time we loved  
From the very first time we touched  
Walking on wires and power lines  
When you put your body on top of mine  
Every time that you lift me up  
To the heaven and stars above_

 _O lord have mercy_  
 _I'm begging you, please_  
 _I'm feelin' drained_  
 _I need love_  
 _You charge me up_  
 _Like electricity_  
 _Jumpstart my heart_  
 _With your love_

 _The stroke of your fingers_  
 _The scent of you lingers_  
 _My mind running wild_  
 _With thoughts of your smile_  
 _Oh, you gotta give me some_  
 _Or you could give it all_  
 _But it's never enough, no_

 _There's an energy_  
 _When you hold me_  
 _When you touch me_  
 _It's so powerful_  
 _I can feel it_

 _When you hold me in your arms_  
 _Burns like fire and electricity_  
 _When you're close I feel the sparks_  
 _Takes me higher to infinity_

 _~Major Lazer ft Tarrus Riley and Ellie Goulding, Powerful_

* * *

Edward held my hand as he led me down the hall and back to the bed. Standing in front of it, he kissed me again, exploring my mouth with his tongue, angling his head to go deeper. Just when I thought I couldn't breathe, he pulled back and lifted my tank top over my head, eyes on mine the whole time. I ran my hands across his chest and over his shoulders, caressing down his back. I grasped his ass, firmly pulling his hips into full contact with my body. The piéce de résistance rested hard against my stomach, and I smiled shyly up at him.

"I've been waiting a long time for you, Edward," I said in a voice hoarse with emotion. The city lights shone in through the uncovered windows, causing his eyes to shine golden as I saw him smile tenderly back at me, leaning in to kiss me again. His fingers left trails of fire as he touched my bare back, and I loved the feel of my naked chest fully pressed to his for the first time.

"Not as long as I've waited for you, Miss Swan," he whispered, and I shivered as his breath tickled my ear. There was an energy between us that had been building since the first day we met; I felt now that it was turning into a shock wave as we came together finally.

Impatient, I grasped his boxer briefs at the waistband, pulling out a little before shoving them down. Edward stood naked in front of me, and I could not help but stare. I bit my lower lip as my eyes roamed down his hard abs, to the vee at his pelvis, and finally to the glorious cock I'd wanted for too long now. It was standing as tall and proud as the man, and I reached out and grasped it completely in my hand. He hissed and his head went back, and I added my other hand to cover him fully. I stroked a few times before Edward's head came up, his eyes blazing as he reached for my thin shorts. I was positive there was a wet spot at the middle seam, and wondered if he knew what he did to me. My legs were trembling with the need building inside my heart and body.

When we were both naked, I was overwhelmed at the feelings of rightness and love that washed through me. I closed the small distance between us and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him closely to me. Edward lowered his head to my shoulder, and I heard him inhale deeply before his full lips met the sensitive skin at the slope of my neck. Those long, talented fingers moved between us to fondle the apex of my thighs, and I shamelessly ground against his hand. His palm cupped me, and I felt two fingers slip inside. Shaking, I gripped his shoulders for support as his tongue worked it's way up the side of my throat to my ear. I was gasping for air, knowing that I was close to losing it.

When my thighs clenched hard around his fingers, and I cried out his name with my orgasm, Edward swept his arms under my legs, placing me up on the soft bed. He slid up next to me, laying on his side to face me. I was so eager to touch every inch of his skin that I sat up and loomed over him. My hair fell to his chest as I hovered over his abs, and I ran my nose around his belly button. One of his hands came up and wrapped around my hair, and I grinned against his skin. I had been looking forward to giving him as much pleasure as he had given me, so my tongue snaked out to trace down one of his hip bones. Edward was making the sexiest sounds, and his muscles were clenching under my touch.

Glancing up at his face, I found him watching me. "You are so beautiful," he whispered. I licked my lips as I scooted further down the bed and his body. I ran my palms down his thighs, bringing them back up to cup his balls as he moaned loudly. Still watching him, I moved one hand to wrap around his cock, stroking from the base to the tip and back again. His hips rose up, and I accepted the unspoken invitation. My tongue touched the head of his perfect cock, and I swear he almost jumped out of his skin at the contact. Running my tongue in a circular motion, I sank down as far as I could, quickly realizing I would never get all of him in my mouth. I used my hands and mouth, swirling my tongue at the tip until he was the one gasping for air.

Sitting up suddenly, Edward grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to him. "That feels amazing, Bella. But I'd much rather be inside you right now." _Um, yes please._ He knew how to make me feel wanted, and it was a powerful feeling.

He rolled us over, holding himself up with his elbows as he brushed the hair from my face. He kissed my forehead, my nose, and then my lips. I felt him pressing against my entrance, and I arched my hips to meet his. When he slowly slipped inside, my head tilted back as I adjusted to the overwhelming fullness. He ran his tongue down my throat, then down further until he caught one of my nipples in his mouth. He added teeth as he pulled out and thrust back in, and my back arched.

"Every time you arch your back, you shove your gorgeous tits in my face. What's a man to do?" Definitely rhetorical, since what he did was lick and suck and kiss one breast, before moving to the other. We found a rhythm, somewhat languidly, until my breathing picked up, and I felt the tidal wave coming at me again.

"Edward," I panted. "Ungh, I'm so close," I breathed. "Come with me. Please."

"Don't beg, love." He circled his hips and thrust harder, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, my feet digging into his ass. None of the sounds we were making now were sexy, but I just didn't care. I felt his hand come between us, his thumb working my clit, and I shattered at the same time I felt him stiffen, my name a grunt on his lips. I wrapped around him tightly, holding him as close as I could. His breathing evened out as he rested his weight on me, and he kissed my neck, dropping his head to my shoulder.

"You are worth the wait," he said in my ear before kissing the shell of it. He rolled to his side, pulling me to him, and gazed into my eyes. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward." I smiled contentedly before closing my eyes and falling asleep in his arms.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

It was dark in the loft but for a few muted lights shining dimly through the windows. I heard the thunderstorm, felt the power of the lightning and heard the crack of the thunder. _That_ was not what awakened me.

Edward's head was between my legs, and I gasped as his tongue ran up my slit. My hands clutched at the sheets, and it felt like a shock of lightning when the tip of his tongue swirled around my clit.

"I just _needed_ to taste you, Bella," I heard him whisper. _Holy mother of. . ._

"Edward!" I cried out when two long fingers slipped inside me, pumping slowly. His tongue danced through my folds, only to come back to my clit. "Oh, God!" My head thrashed on the pillow when he sucked on that sensitive nub, and I fell apart completely. Edward's body quickly covered mine, and his hands ran up and down my trembling limbs. The stubble on his jaw scraped deliciously across my breasts before he ran his tongue around one of my nipples.

"I woke up desperate to be inside your lovely body," he whispered as he slid his hard cock all the way inside me. I whimpered, wrapping my arms around his head and my legs around his hips. He started a fast rhythm, and it was as if he had no control. He hitched one of my legs over his arm, and it hit me in just the right spot. My cries were loud in the room, echoing off the high beamed ceilings.

Edward swiveled his hips with each thrust, and I knew he was close. He kept whispering "beautiful Bella" in my ear, and I felt his muscles stiffen as his orgasm seemed to surprise him. His body stilled, but his hand began a soothing circuit up and down one of my arms, which had fallen limply to the bed. After a moment, he rolled over, lying flat on his back. I turned my head to look at him, finding him gazing at the ceiling.

"That was. . .I mean, I've never. . ." I trailed off when his head whipped in my direction.

"You've never what?" he asked quietly. His fingers found mine and he twined ours together.

"Um," my voice dropped, barely audible. "No one has ever done that before. To me. It was. . ." _Fucking perfect_.

He leaned up on one elbow. "You're not mad at me, are you?"

I laughed before I could stop myself, and I thought I saw a flash of hurt cross his face in the dim light. I reached out to soothe his brow. "God, no." I felt his features relax again. "I don't think I have the appropriate words. It was incredible."

"You didn't come with me," he stated. He sounded somewhat morose.

"So? I think the first one was pretty rock-my-world, Edward. And it seemed that yours snuck up on you." Stupid ex-girlfriend had really done a number on him.

"You're really not mad?" He sounded so surprised.

"My gorgeously sexy boyfriend just woke me up, after already having the best sex earlier in the night, by giving me another earth moving orgasm, followed by freaking fantastic sex-"

I was cut off when he kissed me. "Okay, I get it. No need to ramble." He grinned at me, then brushed a stray hair off my face. Leaning in close, he nuzzled his face against mine. "I love you, Bella. You accept me for who I am."

"Well, of course I do. I love who you are, Edward." I kissed him, and he pulled my body flush with his, sighing and closing his eyes. I fell asleep again to the sound of the storm outside.

* * *

 ***Fans self***

 **There's more fluff for their weekend next chapter.**

 **All songs can be found on the FB group. Link is on my profile!**


	9. Chapter 8

**Our new couple is spending one more day wrapped up in each other.**

 **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! Thank you!**

* * *

 _I don't know what I'd do without you, babe  
Don't know where I'd be  
You're not just another lover  
No, you're everything to me_

 _Every time I'm with you, baby_  
 _I can't believe it's true_  
 _When you're laying in my arms_  
 _And you do the things you do_

 _You can see it in my eyes_  
 _I can feel it in your touch_  
 _You don't have to say a thing_  
 _Just let me show you how much_

 _I want to kiss you all over_  
 _And over_ _again_  
I _want to kiss you all over_  
 _Till the night closes in_

 _No one else can ever make me_  
 _Feel the way you do_  
 _So keep on loving me baby_  
 _And I'll keep loving you_  
 _Stay with me baby and hold me all night long_

 _~ Exile, Kiss You All Over_

* * *

When I woke up, it was still pouring down rain. That was one of my favorite things about Seattle; there was something cozy about lazing around on a rainy Sunday. And I now had the perfect partner to be lazy with.

I slipped quietly out of bed, padding naked to the bathroom. After taking care of business, I brushed my teeth and washed my face with cold water to try to calm the flush that was heating my cheeks and upper chest. I was having dirty thoughts about Edward, and I fully planned on living them out.

I headed back down the short hallway to the bed, and found Edward standing there, naked and irresistible. Everything about him was hard; the muscles that were tensed over his forearms, the smooth planes of his abs, the strong thigh muscles. And of course, the object of my intentions.

Closing the distance between us, Edward grasped my face and kissed me roughly, using his teeth on my lips. We both groaned loudly at the contact. My hands went to his hair, then they slipped down his back until I was squeezing his ass, pulling his erection flush against my stomach. My thigh muscles clenched, and I was already soaking wet. I pulled back from Edward's embrace as he broke the kiss, both of us gasping for air.

"There's something I want to try," I said in what I hoped was a seductive voice. "Don't move," I breathed. His eyebrow raised at my statement.

I knelt in front of him, and came eye level to his strong, thick cock. I ran my hands from his knees up his thighs, and I heard his sharp intake of breath. Glancing up through my eyelashes, I saw his head tossed back, his throat working as he convulsively swallowed. His hands were tight fists at his sides as I ran my nose up one inner thigh. He widened his stance, allowing better access. When I looked up again, Edward had thrown his arms out, maybe for balance, and the tendons in his arms were stretched tight as he clenched his fists harder.

I licked my lips and leaned in, snaking out my tongue and touching the tip lightly at first. His hips surged forward, so I boldly closed my mouth around as much of his length as I could muster. The feeling of softness and strength in my mouth was intoxicating, and I started moving my head. Edward's breath was coming in gasps, timed to my movements. I added a hand curled under his balls, rolling them in my palm. The other hand wrapped around the base of his shaft, covering the part I couldn't fit in my mouth.

Edward moaned sexily as I worked him over. Finally, his hand came to my hair, but he only touched lightly before he fisted his hands away from my head again. Suddenly, he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up, my mouth coming off him with a wet pop. Turning me, he gently pushed the middle of my back until I rested over the edge of the bed on my stomach. I whimpered when his chest covered my back and he whispered roughly in my ear.

"You are so sexy, Bella. My God, your ass is sweet." He ran his hands down my back, cupping my ass and curling his fingers into my heat from behind.

"Edward!" I cried, turning my head to try to catch my breath. Edward was busy pumping his long fingers in and out, until my walls clenched around his fingers and I came, violently. I screamed incoherently, the ecstasy rolling over me in waves. I felt Edward lean down over me again, his cock resting against my ass. I moaned, wanting him inside me.

I felt his lips on me, working from shoulder to shoulder before kissing down my back. I shivered when his tongue swirled around the base of my spine, and then he was spreading my legs, swiftly entering me from behind. We both cried out at the feeling, and I couldn't believe how deep he was hitting. He didn't hold back as he slammed into me again and again. I propped myself up on my elbows and Edward grabbed my ass, pulling me towards him to meet his thrusts. The angle he was hitting me at was going to make me come again, but I wanted him to come with me.

"Edward," I panted. "I'm so close. Come with me."

Edward reached his hand around my waist and down between my legs to find my clit with his fingers, and I shattered loudly at the same time he gasped my name. He collapsed on top of me for a moment, and I loved his warm weight covering me. I felt him stand up after a minute, and he flipped me over, grinning widely. He leaned down to help me sit up and kissed me, tongue tangling with mine.

"Thank you for that," he said huskily. He helped me to stand, and I leaned into him with weak knees.

"I promise, it was my pleasure," I grinned up at him. He chuckled before sitting me carefully back on the bed. I had jelly for bones.

He went down the hall to the bathroom, and slipped under the covers with me when he came back. Facing me, he ran the back of his knuckles over my face. "I love you so much, Bella."

I grabbed his hand, kissing his fingertips. "I love you, too, Edward." I could not hear him say it enough.

We fell back asleep, not getting up until late in the morning to make something to eat. The rain had stopped but the sky was still dark grey as I stood looking out at the wet city from the window in the kitchen. Edward was making us scrambled eggs wearing absolutely nothing. I kept sneaking looks behind me at his rock hard ass. Once, he caught me staring and gave me a devilish grin.

I couldn't help but laugh, walking over to grab plates from the open shelves above the sink. I was only wearing Edward's t-shirt, and it rode up when I stood on my toes. I gasped when I found my stomach pressed against the sink as Edward wrapped his naked body around my back. His hands pulled my hair away from my neck, and he placed hot kisses to my ear before moving his hands to play with my nipples.

"It's a sin for you to look so fucking sexy," he ground out in my ear. I cried out softly as his hands found their way under his shirt to my ass, kneading it and rubbing in circles. I was a panting mess as he ground his erection into my lower back, dipping down to rub it up my ass.

"Don't-" I swallowed, "don't burn the eggs," I choked out.

"Fuck the eggs," he said, but he did reach over and turn off the burner. He turned me to face him and grasped my head in his hands, angling to kiss me deeply. He lifted me off my feet and rested my ass on the edge of the sink. I gasped at the cold metal on my hot skin, and then he was thrusting into me and I couldn't care less about the sink anymore. I braced my hands on his shoulders, and he slapped his on the upper shelving as he pumped in and out of me. His shirt was causing friction between us, so I struggled to reach for it as it bunched around my stomach. Edward paused, ripping it off over my head before picking me up off the counter. I wound my legs around his waist and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, holding on for dear life.

Edward spun us around and walked to the window. My heart almost stopped, thinking that was his destination, but he sandwiched me against the wall next to the window instead. I could only hold on as his hips took over, swiveling as he thrust in and out. His mouth crashed into mine, teeth and tongues fighting as we gasped for breath. Edward's pelvis was molded to mine, the pressure causing delicious feelings to build inside me. I could feel my walls flutter around his cock, and I cried out his name over and over as he continued his movements. I finally clenched around him hard, milking his orgasm from him.

Edward let out a roar as he emptied inside me, and my heart echoed the sentiment. He was fucking phenomenal.

"Edward," I gasped out, "you are fucking phenomenal." My heart was racing as he held me up against the wall, and I felt the rumble in his chest as he laughed.

"Just making up for lost time, my love," he responded. Pulling me away from the wall, he shuffled backwards to one of the armchairs and dropped into it. "I need to catch my breath."

"Um, I need to catch more than my breath. My heart is running away from me, it's galloping so damn hard." I pressed a hand to my chest as I pulled back to look at him. He wore such a smug grin that I leaned down to kiss him, letting my tongue swirl around his lower lip before darting into his mouth. His dick twitched inside me, and my eyes widened as they met his.

"What can I say, Bella. You seriously turn me on." Edward gave me a sexily raised eyebrow.

Experimentally, I leaned down and kissed him again, my hands running over the muscles of his chest. Yes, his cock was hardening more in reaction to my touches. I leaned back on his lap and pushed my breasts in his face. Edward grabbed them both in his hands, squeezing before bringing one to his mouth. I cried out as he scraped his teeth over the one in his mouth, his fingers tweaking the other nipple. My hips undulated, and I realized he was fully hard again. His hands splayed on my lower back, and I leaned further away from him, bracing my hands on his knees, enjoying the sensation of riding him in the chair.

"I'll never be able to walk again," I murmured as I lifted slightly and lowered back down on his lap.

"Walking's overrated," Edward groaned.

I giggled, then gasped as one of his hands went to my ass, fingers playing with the dip between my cheeks. His head lowered, licking up my torso, then down towards my stomach as I bent further back. I rocked my hips for a few beats before sitting up straight again, my lips meeting his. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me as close as possible as his hips met mine in the rhythm I had set. He swallowed my cries as he continued to kiss me, and one hand snaked between our bodies, playing with my navel and then going lower, rubbing in circles around my throbbing clit. My head dropped back as I cried out, and when he pinched the overly sensitive bud, I was done for. He pulled me back to him by circling his arms behind and around my shoulders, and he thrust hard and deep a few more times before burying his head in my neck with his orgasm.

It took several deep breaths before I could speak coherently again. "I need to tap out," I gasped. "Holy shit." I squeaked as he slapped my ass lightly.

"We'll spend the rest of the day in bed so you can regain your strength." His voice was muffled into my neck.

"I'll only rebuild said strength if you keep your hands to yourself," I giggled. He looked up, smiling crookedly at me.

"It's only fair," he agreed.

* * *

 **Next chapter will be Thanksgiving with each family.**

 **Thank you to my lovely readers for following along with my story and reviewing.**


	10. Chapter 9

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! XOXO**

 **I'll let you get to it.**

* * *

 _Let me look upward  
into the branches  
of the towering oak  
and know that  
it grew great  
and strong  
because it grew  
slowly and well_

~ Wilfred Peterson

* * *

 **November 2008  
Thanksgiving  
**

"My parents have been married for 30 years. There were a few miscarriages before I came along," I glanced over to Edward as I spoke. He was driving us to Forks for Thanksgiving at my parents' house.

"Mm, that's really sad, baby." He was watching the road, but glanced over to me as he spoke again. "They were lucky to have you." His smile pulled up one side of his mouth, and then his eyes went back to the traffic in front of us. We were almost there.

"I guess." I shrugged. "I was a good kid. I rarely got in trouble, and when I did it was for talking." He glanced over at me with widened eyes, and I giggled. "I know, shocking. I've always been shy, but I wouldn't shut up if I was in class with a friend. Ang and I got in trouble for talking a few times, until the disappointment of my parents was too much for me."

"You live to make people happy, and hate to disappoint anyone." It was a very truthful statement.

"Yep, that's me in a nutshell." I sighed. "Anyway, Charlie and Renee have always been very supportive of me. They hate that I'm in big, bad Seattle, but know that I'm happy. And happy is what counts. Which is why they'll love you."

"As long as the Chief leaves his gun locked up," Edward joked. I winced, which he must have seen in his periphery. "What?"

"Once, when I asked a boy to pick me up at the house. . . Dad was 'cleaning his gun'. Scared that boy so bad he refused to take me out."

"Then that boy had yet to grow a pair," Edward retorted. I rolled my eyes and giggled.

"Here, it's this street on the left," I pointed as I spoke. When we pulled up to my childhood home, Edward parked next to Dad's cruiser and came around to open my door for me. I put my arm around his waist as we headed up to the short set of steps to the tiny porch. The little white house with green trim hadn't changed a bit.

I knocked and opened the door at the same time. "Mom! Dad!" I yelled from the entryway as Edward and I removed our coats.

My mom came around the corner from the kitchen, and headed down the hallway with her arms outstretched. She had a huge smile on her face, but she bypassed me and hugged Edward, kissing his cheek as she fawned over him.

"You must be Edward, it's so good to meet you! Bella has talked about you so much!" she enthused. Edward looked a touch uncomfortable, but he hugged her back and smiled politely.

"Nice to see you too, Mom," I deadpanned from behind her. Dad was coming down the staircase, so I ignored my mother trying to flirt with my boyfriend and met my dad at the base of the stairs.

"Bells! I missed you," he said gruffly. Charlie was not normally one for open declarations, so I always knew he was sincere.

"It hasn't been that long, Dad. I saw you the weekend before my birthday," I reminded him.

"That was more than two months ago," he complained, mustache twitching as he spoke.

"Okay, I didn't realize you were keeping track. I'm here now." I reached for Edward. "This is Edward, Dad." Edward pulled away from my mother to stand closer to me. "Edward, this is Charlie."

Edward held his hand out like a gentleman. Charlie shook it, and I saw him trying to flex his forearm to squeeze Edward's hand too hard. Edward didn't seem to notice. My dad's eyebrows rose in my direction, and I just shrugged.

Renee spoke up. "Let's head to the kitchen." We all trooped down the narrow hall to the kitchen, which wasn't exactly big. I led Edward to the table, which only had three chairs since it was pushed against the wall. I knew there was a fourth chair somewhere, and I guessed I would have to track it down in time for dinner.

"You need any help, Renee?" my dad asked.

She turned to him and grabbed his waist, pulling him to her. He blushed. "Nope," she said, popping the P. "You have dish duty later." She kissed him quick and hard on the mouth, and his blush turned crimson.

Edward leaned in to whisper in my ear, "You take after your dad." I smiled and blushed. He was right. Dad had the brown eyes and brown hair, only his was curly and receding. He wasn't short, but he wasn't tall either. He was average, and I guess I was too. My mom and I shared facial features, but that was the end of our similarities. She was as tall as dad, with dirty blonde hair she was keeping shoulder length. She had blue-grey eyes that I'd always envied. While dad was showing a few wrinkles on his face, Renee looked mature, but had escaped any wrinkles.

Mom put the finishing touches on our mid-day dinner, and I helped her to set it up on the counters buffet style. Charlie and Edward pulled the table away from the wall and found the extra chair in the shed. Dad graciously washed it off and sat in it himself. Renee sat next to Edward, so I was forced to sit across from him with my parents on either side of me.

Dad was subdued in his questioning, which I presumed came from Renee warning him to behave. The meal was pleasantly reminiscent of my childhood. We spent a long time talking, lingering over seconds until Renee offered pie, which Edward and I declined.

"Mom, remember I told you we're heading to Edward's parents' house for dessert?" I reminded her.

"Yes, yes, I only bought one pie. Your father and I will have to eat it all ourselves. There's whipped cream, too, Charlie." My dad choked on his coffee at the suggestive way my mother made her statement.

"On that note, please don't say anything else lest I need to bleach my brain." I rose from the table, helping mom stack the dishes in the sink. My dad came up beside me and bumped me with his hip.

"I got these, you go visit the Cullens." He smiled at me, and I hugged him sideways.

"Thanks, Dad. I love you."

"Well, now, you too. Don't forget we're doing Christmas morning." He sounded stern, like he was afraid I wouldn't show.

"Yes, sir!" I saluted him, and he laughed and popped my leg with the dish towel.

Mom hugged us both as we stood by the door getting our coats on. It wasn't raining, but the temperature wasn't going to go any higher than the 30's. There was snow in the forecast, but of course the rain would come in and chase it away before anything could really stick. Renee and Charlie stood in the doorway, Dad warning Edward to drive carefully, Mom blowing kisses.

The drive to Carlisle and Esme's house was only about 20 minutes, mostly due to the winding roads and low speed limit. I was suddenly grateful Edward had booked a hotel room in Port Angeles for the evening so we didn't have to drive the entire way home tonight.

When we pulled up to the beautiful house, which Esme had told me was Edwardian, the butterflies in my stomach went to war. Rosalie and Emmett were here, and I suddenly felt like throwing up. Edward opened my door, taking my hand and pulling me out. He wrapped his arms around me.

"Relax. Mom would never allow Rose to be impolite in her house. It'll be fine." He always seemed to know what I was thinking. The door opened as he finished his sentence, and Alice bounded out like an exuberant black lab. She and my mom could be separated at birth.

"Bella!" she called. "Mom has been waiting for you! She's just _thrilled_ that you're both here." Alice looped her arm through mine, pulling me away from Edward. I looked back at him wistfully as he chuckled.

"No one can stop Alice. It's best to go with it," he called as she dragged me into the house. Alice towed me into the kitchen and up to Esme.

"Bella," Esme said warmly. "How are your parents?" She gave me a tight hug.

"Um, they're fine. Glad to see us, to meet Edward." They had been out of town when I met the senior Cullens last month.

"That's good. Did you enjoy dinner? There's leftovers if you're hungry." She was the ultimate hostess.

"No, thank you. We might want dessert in a bit, but we just finished eating half an hour ago." My face was flaming. I could hear Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle behind me in the living room, but I wasn't sure where Platinum Barbie was.

"Of course, dear. Do you want to join us girls in the sitting room? It's upstairs." She gestured in the direction of the stairway.

Oh, God. The Queen Bitch was surely up there, impatient to have the other two down here fawning over me. "I-um, I'm not sure about-" I broke off, not wanting to admit that Bitchalie hated me and that I had no desire to spend the afternoon with her.

"That's okay," Esme soothed me with a pat to my arm. "We can stay down here." She led me to the living room and sat with me in front of the fireplace. The guys were watching football of course, but it was either that or the alternative hell upstairs. Alice joined us, sitting at her mother's feet with her legs curled under her. I watched Esme run her hand lightly down Alice's short hair.

"What did you do at your house, Bella? Did Charlie have his gun collection out? Did he try to scare Edward? I bet it wouldn't work," Alice chattered without taking a breath.

"Uh, my mom, Renee, loved him. I think she was flirting with him, but she's harmless. My dad, Charlie, was welcoming. I think Mom must have warned him ahead of time. Plus, he missed me. I haven't been there since September."

"They sound lovely," Esme said. My shoulders tightened as I saw Blondie come into the room. She completely ignored the three of us, instead sitting very close to Emmett on the couch. He slung his arm across her shoulders, unfazed by any tension. What was that private school saying? Leave enough room between you for the Holy Ghost? There wasn't enough room for a breath of air, her thigh was pressed so closely to his.

"So, Bella." Emmett started during a commercial. "You and Ed break any furniture in that place of his yet?"

Edward reached over from his spot in a chair and punched his shoulder. Bitchfest narrowed her eyes at me, then at Edward. My face flamed, and I could feel it spread down my chest and out to my ears. I was thinking I should probably just ignore him, when Esme spoke up.

"Emmett," she said sharply, just like a mother to a misbehaving child. He flinched, seeming to shrink under her sharp gaze. This fascinated me.

"Sorry, Ma," he mumbled. Goldilocks glared at me again before turning her attention to Emmett, saying something low in his ear. He shrugged, staring staunchly straight ahead at the TV.

Carlisle got up and went to the kitchen with his empty glass, and Esme left me with Alice to follow him. I watched the two of them in the middle of the kitchen, swaying side to side like they were dancing. Esme rested her head on Carlisle's chest, and he rested his hand on the back of her head. When they separated, Carlisle leaned down and kissed Esme tenderly.

I turned my head away, suddenly aware that Alice was watching them too. "28 years later, and still romantic," she sighed. I smiled at her, because I completely agreed. I glanced over to Edward, and was a little startled to find him watching me. He beckoned me to him, and I stood from the fireplace and went to him. He was sitting in an armchair, and there was no way I was going to sit on his lap at his parents' house. I rested my hip on the arm of the chair, and he took my hand in his, lifting it to kiss my knuckles before resting our joined hands on my leg. My heart fluttered as I realized I wanted what my parents had, what Esme had with Carlisle. I wanted it with Edward. I looked down at him, his bronze hair in disarray, and smoothed my free hand through it. There was a squeezing feeling in my chest, and it brought tears to my eyes. I finally had that chance, and I was going to hold on to it.

We spent several hours at their house, and Esme served coffee and a couple of pies. We stuffed ourselves again because dessert was so good, and I was stifling yawns by the time Edward suggested we leave. We still had an hour's drive to the hotel Edward and I were spending the night in.

Rosalie had been decent during dessert, joining in the conversation with Jasper and I about the university. She was by no means warm and friendly, but she wasn't downright mean either. She said goodbye from her seat at the kitchen island, which I thought was some progress, while the rest of the family walked us to the door.

Edward stopped me at the car, trapping me between him and the door. "My mother adores you," he breathed, skimming his nose along my throat. "My father says you're good for me." He sucked lightly on the skin at the slope of my neck and shoulder. "I agree with them both." He captured my mouth with his lips, sucking gently on my top lip, then my bottom. I gripped the front of his shirt, twisting the fabric in my hands as I held him to me tightly. His hands wedged between the car and my ass, kneading and groping.

I finally had to pull away, gulping in air as my head spun. "I love you," I gasped.

"As I love you," he grinned. "Now let's get on the road."

* * *

 **FYI, Rosalie told Emmett, "I bet they were both stiff."**

 **Edward has something up his sleeve next chapter, and we'll get to hear his POV.**

 **Don't forget, you can join my FB group for sneak peeks and pictures of Rob!**


	11. Chapter 10

**I have to be honest, the next 2 chapters happened because I was researching the distance between Forks and Seattle, and thought about the lateness of the day. Edward completely took over. I hope you enjoy!**

 **No copyright infringement intended.**

 **Credit goes to SarcasticBimbo for doing her beta thing and pre-reading. She keeps me sane!**

* * *

 _And yet one arrives somehow,_

 _finds himself loosening the hooks of  
her dress  
in a strange bedroom-  
feels the autumn  
dropping its silk and linen leaves  
about her ankles._

~ William Carlos Williams

* * *

 **EPOV**

I could tell Bella was confused when I passed Port Angeles on the 101. I originally led her to believe we'd be spending the night there; in reality I'd booked the long weekend at a lodge in Sequim. I pulled under the portico at the front of the lodge, suggesting Bella wait in the car while I check in, knowing she would agree. I checked us in quickly, arranging for the porter to meet us at the guesthouse we were staying in.

Bella frowned when I got back in the car, driving around the main building and taking what looked like a side road. I reached out and took her hand, pulling it to my lips. Her hands were delicate and soft; I loved to kiss the knuckles. When we reached our destination, I stopped the car, turning it off and pocketing the keys. I whistled as I rounded the hood to Bella's door, opening it for her. She stepped out slowly, staring open mouthed behind me.

"What-what is this place?" she asked quietly.

"The Lost Mountain Lodge cottage. Where we will be spending the next three nights and two and a half days." I watched her face as I spoke, enjoying the emotions that flit across it. There was shock, disbelief, and awe. That last emotion was shining in her eyes when she looked up at me.

"Edward, you did this for me?" she asked softly.

"Well, for us. I wanted to spoil you, treat you to something special. As a side benefit, I get to enjoy it with you. Come on," I took her hand to lead her inside. "We'll look around while we wait for the porter."

We stepped into the main room, and it really was stunning. The room was off white with large windows on every wall, hung with heavy gold silk drapes. The far wall held built-in bookshelves surrounding a pair of windows and a television. In the corner of the room was the king sized bed; four post carved black wood with matching tables. The East wall was mostly windows with a plush window seat strewn with pillows. Bella went to the wall with the shelves, pointing out the gas fireplace below the TV. I immediately went to it and turned it on, and the flames blazed cozily.

The porter came to the door I'd left open, and he and I brought the bags in from the car. He showed us the kitchenette in its own little room, and the bathroom with a shower and separate garden tub. There were skylights over the tub and the bed, and a private porch off the East side of the cottage. He explained that in the daytime, you could see that we were nestled on Quail Lake, and beyond that was the Olympic National Park. A tad impatient, I tipped him and shooed him out the door.

Bella was standing in front of the fireplace warming her hands. Leaving her there, I stepped into the bathroom and started the water in the tub. Finding toiletries on the counter of the sink, I poured in the whole bottle of bubbles. Testing the warmth of the water, I left it running as I searched out my Bella again.

I found her sitting on the window seat this time, gazing out the picture window. "I can see the moon, and it reflects on the tiny lake," she said, holding her hand out to me; she must have heard me coming. I came closer, accepting her outstretched hand and kissing the back of it, then turning it so I could kiss her pulse point. I let my mouth linger on her wrist until she looked up at me, and I saw the love shining in her eyes.

"You are far more beautiful than the moon, my love," I said sincerely. I tugged lightly on her hand, and she stood. I led her to the tub in the other room, reaching down to turn off the water. "Would you like a bath?"

She smiled, a bit shyly, then nodded. She pulled the hair tie off her wrist, twisting it around the hair she gathered at the nape of her neck until it resembled a bun. Watching her, I reached behind my back, grabbing a fistful of my long sleeved Henley and yanking it over my head. I dropped it to the floor before reaching for her, frowning when I realized I wasn't sure how to get her dress off. She simply grasped the hem and pulled it off over her head, revealing a lacy blue bra that left nothing to the imagination. I groaned, then reached for the top of her leggings.

"Wait," she giggled. She had to sit on the edge of the tub to remove her knee high boots, and that was incredibly sexy. I watched as she unzipped them from the knee down, her breasts hanging pendulously within the lace as she leaned over. When she finally finished the second, I grabbed her by the waist and lifted her to stand in front of me.

"You," I kissed her, "are," I ran my tongue across to her ear, "so hot," I finished. Her chest and face were a warm shade of red, and I kneaded her breasts in my palms as I kissed her ear again. She let out a mewling sound as I dragged her leggings down, and she kicked out of them when I got to the end. I stepped back for a moment to look at her, overwhelmed with desire because she really was mine. Her matching panties were all lace, and I spun her so I could get a good look at her ass, the lace hugging her cheeks.

Bella was irresistible to me; I had to touch her. I ran my hands down her ass, letting my fingers stroke down and between her legs. She was soaked through her panties, and I loved that it was because of me. I kissed her shoulder, then her neck, and pressed myself against her. That reminded me that I was still wearing my jeans, so I made quick work of unbuttoning them and shoving them to the floor along with my boxer briefs. Bella had turned back around, so I held out my hand to invite her to strip and join me in the tub, before I forgot all about the bubble bath and bent her over the counter top.

She held her arm out to keep me a little distance from her, then reached behind her to unclasp her bra. She slid one strap down her arm ever so slowly, holding the cups to her breasts with the other hand. My cock was already throbbing, standing at full attention as she slid the other strap down, biting her bottom lip before tossing her bra into the corner. I resisted the urge to close the distance between us, instead allowing her the space to inch her panties down her hips, and now it was like she was purposely torturing me. She hooked her thumbs into the waistband on the sides, and rolled her hips as she slipped the panties off. They hit the floor, and I pounced. My hands went to the sides of her head and my mouth crashed into hers, nipping her lips and bumping teeth. I felt her shiver, then remembered the hot water waiting for us in the tub.

"I think we'd better get in before I forget my manners," I said gruffly, still nipping her lips.

"Okay," she breathed.

Suddenly shy again, she looked at the water, then back to me. I stepped over the edge, then held my hands out to her from in the tub. She took my hands in hers, lifting one leg high and stepping in with me, straddling the rim of the tub. I fought the need to touch her, so instead I stood still while she lifted the other leg in. I sank into the hot, fragrant water, sitting back against the side and spreading my legs for her. She sat in my lap, her back to me as she fit her legs within mine.

I took the washcloth, dipping it in the tub before sluicing the warm water over her back. I heard her sigh, and she sounded relaxed and content. I massaged her back and shoulders for a few minutes before sliding my right hand under her right calf, lifting her leg out of the water and running the cloth from her ankle to her thigh. I settled her leg back down before switching to the left one. She hummed when I moved on to her stomach, swirling the washcloth under the water to rub across her navel, moving up to drag around her left breast, the nipple tightly peaked. I gave equal attention to the other nipple, no longer trying to hide my intentions. My head dipped to her neck, and I sucked on the sensitive skin there, moving my open mouth to give attention to the spot behind her ear.

Bella's breathing was labored; she was sucking in air in loud gasps. I smiled to myself, knowing I had done that to her. I moved my hand to drift below the water, letting the cloth go to float in the bubbles, and my fingers tweaked both of her nipples. Her back pressed harder into my chest as she cried out in pleasure, and I took one hand to her waist, stroking down to her pelvis, teasing her. My other hand continued to work her nipple, twisting and rolling it between my fingers. My mouth trailed up and down her neck, sucking and licking. She was already close, and I hadn't even touched her glorious pussy yet.

"So turned on," I whispered into her right ear. "I did that to you, isn't that right, Bella?" I purred, and she convulsed. I cupped her left breast in my palm, kneading the soft flesh before pinching the nipple again. My right hand continued to stroke around her thighs, up to her navel, and back down.

"Edward," she cried out. I loved to hear her call my name when she was this excited, when I brought her to orgasm and when I was hard inside her. I had a sudden thought, and pulled my hands away from her and stood. She looked up at me, confused. I smirked when her eyes darted to where my cock was pointing at the ceiling. I leaned down and picked her up, sitting her on the edge of the tub, her back resting against the wall. I knelt in front of her, and she moaned as she realized my intention.

Bella spread her legs in invitation, looking down at me with heavy-lidded chocolate eyes. I met her gaze as I ran my face from her knee to her upper thigh. Unwilling to wait any longer, I pushed at her thighs until her legs rested over my shoulders, scooting her ass closer to the edge of the tub to give me full access. I pushed my tongue fully into her hot pussy, then stroked up to the bundle of nerves at the top. I sucked her clit into my mouth, and she bucked into my face. Her wet legs clasped around the back of my neck, and I had to reach behind me to untangle them, lowering one over my elbow. I leaned in again, licking up her slit as she cried out incoherently over and over. I went for her clit again, sucking it into my mouth, reveling in the way she convulsed and screamed my name as she came hard, her voice echoing off the walls in the bathroom. Her hands were clutching at the edge of the tub, so I moved up her body, kissing her navel, then her ribcage, moving back up to suck on her nipples. I pushed her breasts together so I could take both of her tight buds in my mouth at one time. Now her hands found my shoulders, scrambling over the wetness for a solid grip. She gave up and grabbed fistfuls of my hair, which I loved.

I was worried that Bella would be uncomfortable, so I pulled her into my arms as I stood, water falling off my waist and legs as I carefully stepped out of the large tub and carried her to the big bed in the other room. I was grateful for the fireplace, knowing it must be freezing outside. It was warm and cozy in the room, and I laid a damp Bella out on the duvet. She watched me crawl up onto the bed with her, her legs automatically spreading to accept my weight as I settled over her.

"Is this what you want, Bella?" I asked huskily. She nodded. "What do you want, baby? Say it." I stroked my dick along her wet entrance. She was already trembling again with need, and her head thrashed as I pressed the tip of my cock to her core.

"You!" she gasped, her back arching. "I want you, inside me." She huffed a breath. "Now, _please!_ "

I leaned down and kissed her thoroughly, angling my head to claim her mouth deeply. I only pulled back when I knew she couldn't breathe. "I told you before, baby." I thrust into her fully, pausing to take a deep breath of my own so I didn't explode at the sensation of being completely sheathed in her wet warmth. "Don't beg." I pulled out almost all the way, slamming back inside her welcoming heat. "You can have me, anytime you want."

She was panting, gripping my ass tightly so our hips were grinding together. "Jesus," she bit out.

Done with teasing, I pulled out and thrust back in, loving the feel of her pussy milking my cock as she clenched around me. I set a frenzied rhythm, selfishly pounding into her as I chased my own orgasm. She cried out with every thrust, and I didn't want her to miss out, so I snaked my hand between us, my fingers playing in her hot, wet folds before rubbing circles over her clit.

"Yes, Edward! I'm gonna come!" she shouted, and immediately I felt her muscles spasm as her legs locked down around me, her stomach trembling under mine. She drew my own orgasm from me with the way her muscles clamped down on my cock, and I helplessly climaxed. I breathed shallowly for a minute, unable to catch my breath. Finally, I took several deep, even breaths. The haze lifting, I looked down at Bella. She had her eyes closed still, a smile on her beautiful lips. I kissed them softly, and she opened her eyes to look up at me.

"Best bath I've ever had," she laughed. I chuckled, dropping my forehead to her shoulder.

"You want to sleep, now?" I asked quietly. I knew that sometimes I wore her out.

She nodded. "First, I need the bathroom, though." She suddenly slapped my ass, causing the muscles to clench in defense. Startled, I looked back down at her laughing face. "So move, mister!" She giggled at me as I gaped at her.

"Yes, ma'am." I almost saluted, then changed my mind. I rolled off her, deciding to follow her and clean up myself. We returned to the bed, and I pulled her against me, pulling the soft blankets around us in a cocoon and throwing my leg over her hips.

"Sleep, Bella," I murmured before I dropped into unconsciousness.

* * *

 **Now we have an idea of how he feels about Bella.** **Let me know your thoughts about Edward!**

 **I posted pictures of the lodge they're staying at, as well as Bella's, um, underthings, on the FB page. Come join us!**


	12. Chapter 11

**One more chapter for their long holiday weekend.**

 **No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for being the best beta and pre-reader!**

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 _The greatest happiness of life_  
 _is the conviction that we are loved;_  
 _loved for ourselves,_  
 _or rather,_  
 _in spite of ourselves._

 _~ Victor Hugo_

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I was the first to wake the next morning, and I slipped out of bed carefully. I peered out the window opposite the bed, finding a light dusting of snow on the ground. It gave the lake a surreal look, like something out of a fairytale, and I smiled to myself when I thought of how Bella would react. I moved into the kitchenette, setting up and turning on the coffee maker. I searched the cabinets until I found mugs, setting two next to the pot as it gurgled out the last of the water. The smell of coffee was always amazing to me, so I breathed in deeply. Pouring a mug, I took it to the bathroom as I dug out some warm clothes from my suitcase, dressing quickly and taking the mug with me. I opened the French doors that led to the deck, glancing at a sleeping Bella across the room to be sure I hadn't disturbed her.

I went out quickly, closing the door softly behind me. It was definitely brisk. There was a thermometer hanging on the wall: it read 25. I shivered at the mere thought, then wrapped my hands around the mug and took a sip. It was peaceful out here, the little lake calm and the cedars and pines tall and majestic. Everything was incredibly verdant, abundant plants and trees as far as I could see.

After I'd been outside for a bit, I heard the door behind me open, and I felt small hands on my shoulder blades. Bella laid her head on my back and I heard her inhale deeply. I felt utterly content.

"It's as cold as a witch's tit out here," she said into my back after a minute.

I barked a laugh and turned to look at her. She was huddled in a hotel robe with just socks on her feet. She stole my coffee and took a long sip.

"You're not suppose to be out here undressed," I scolded. Intrigued, I slipped my hands inside her robe, finding her skin bare. She hissed.

"Jesus, your hands are like ice cubes!" She shivered as I ran my cold fingers around her breasts, teasing her taut nipples.

"Your tits could cut glass," I observed.

She slapped my hand away with her free one, then offered the mug back to me. "Let's go back inside," she urged.

I went to the door, holding it open and letting her go in front of me. She wandered into the kitchen area and came back with a mug of her own. She curled up on the window seat, throwing a blanket over her lap. I joined her with my coffee, watching her as she looked outside.

"It so pretty with the snow sparkling in the sun."

"I knew you'd like the view." We sat quietly for a few minutes, and I mostly watched Bella's face.

She got dressed a little while later, and we made our way to the lodge to have some breakfast. The kitchen looked like something in a professional chef's home, and the tables were arranged near the roaring fireplace. We debated over our activity options, then agreed to head to The Dungeness National Wildlife Refuge. When we almost felt too full to move, we headed out to take the small spit of land to the refuge. After a day spent exploring the beach with the wind whipping in our faces, Bella and I returned to the lodge to enjoy dinner by the fireplace.

We arrived back to our little hideaway cottage, and Bella immediately stripped to take a shower. I let her be, checking some work email to be certain I hadn't missed anything. Finance wasn't that exciting, but it certainly paid the bills. And I was good at it. Seeing nothing of dire importance, I turned off my laptop as Bella emerged from the bathroom. Steam followed in her wake; her hair hung dark and wet down her back. Her delicate feet were bare, and again she was only wearing the hotel robe. Already half-hard at the sight of her, I stepped closer to her and inhaled the scent of the fancy soap she had used, mixed with the tantalizing scent of just Bella.

"I-" I had to clear my throat. "I'm going to trade you, then I'll be right out," I told her. She stood on her toes to give me a sweet kiss, then went to sit on a chair in front of the fireplace, rubbing a towel over her wet hair. I raced into the bathroom, shedding my clothes quickly and turning the water on colder than I normally preferred. I needed to slow down, or I'd never last. I showered faster than I could ever remember doing so, drying my hair roughly and throwing on the other robe.

Bella looked surprised when I came back after only ten minutes. I sat on the chair opposite hers, watching her finish with her hair. She fanned it across her back, which was facing the fireplace.

"What was your favorite part of the day?" I asked.

She smiled. "The wildlife. I loved the harbor seals, even though they were at a distance. I enjoyed hiking to the overlook at Dungeness Spit, but stand by my decision not to take the boat to the lighthouse. In that wind, I would have hated it." She thought for a minute. "Warming up at lunch in Old Town was perfect. Those crab cakes really were delicious." She looked at me and caught me staring at her. "What?"

"I love when you get excited about something. It was a lot of fun to watch you today." I got up, holding my hand out to Bella. She accepted it and stood in front of me. I pushed the chairs to the far side of the room, grabbed the blanket off the bed, and spread it on the floor in front of the fireplace. I knelt on it, once again inviting Bella to join me.

When we were both on our knees on the blanket, I gently grasped her face in between my hands, noting how they dwarfed her features. I kissed her gently but deeply, angling our heads so that I could gain better access to her mouth. I stroked my thumbs in circles over her cheekbones, inhaling deeply the sultry scent of my Bella. She smelled like home to me.

When I broke away from her mouth, I trailed my lips down her jaw to her throat, swirling my tongue where her pulse throbbed. Her hands went in my hair, a favorite thing for her. It was already standing up from the way I'd dried it, so she couldn't make it worse. I trailed my hands down her throat and over the front of her shoulders, slipping them inside her robe. I found her skin soft and warm, and kneaded the flesh of her breasts before rolling her nipples in my fingers. I licked the shell of her ear, and she moaned before her hands shot to my waist. She fumbled with the tie of my robe, then managed to shove it open. Her hands ran down my chest to my stomach, causing a moan to erupt from my throat.

Bella wrapped both of her small hands around my leaking cock, and I felt my hips surge forward of their own volition. My cock pushed against the softness of her stomach and she arched, her breasts rubbing against the hard planes of my chest, and I loved the contradiction. Hugging her closer to me, I sat back on my heels and pulled her down onto my lap. She gasped as the tip of my cock rubbed over her clit, then wiggled so she could slide down over me completely. My head went back at the feeling of her pussy surrounding me as she rocked on my lap, and I buried my face in her breasts as she panted in my ear. I'd planned on going slow with her in case she was sore; now she was in charge.

I pushed her robe off her shoulders so it pooled behind her. Running my hands down her back, I squeezed her ass in my hands as she rode me. She moved languidly, and I guessed she wanted it slow too. Every time she thrust towards me I pulled her ass harder into me, and soon she leaned back as I guided her over my cock. Everything was deeper in this position, her pelvis crushed against mine, grinding towards a climax I knew she was likely to find soon. She mewled and moaned, her hands running through her own hair as she tilted her hips at the perfect angle to get what she needed. I moved one hand from her ass to play with her nipples, and she was done for. She came up straight, making full contact with me again, burying her head in the crook of my neck and crying out my name into my shoulder as I continued my slow, easy rhythm. Her muscles tightened and convulsed, and I took the opportunity to sit still, holding her close and rubbing her back to bring her down from her orgasm.

Holding her tightly, I came up on my knees and laid her gently on the blanket, slipping back inside her fully. I rested some of my weight on her as I propped my elbows by her head, my hands in her hair. It was my turn to move languidly, kissing her deeply and mimicking my thrusts with my tongue. She caressed my back, cupping my ass to pull me to her, then moving back up to my back, stroking in a soothing pattern.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered to me, and I lost my control. I pushed into her two, three times, and then stilled with my hips as tightly to hers as I could manage. My eyes were clenched shut, and I swore quietly.

"I love you, so much, Bella." I ran my fingers over her hair, kissing her temple. I took several deep breaths to feel normal again before picking her up and cradling her to my chest, and then I tucked her into the bed, crawling in beside her and pulling her close.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

We slept in on Saturday, and when we finally made our way to the main lodge, breakfast was over. The staff offered us fresh fruit and muffins, and I nearly wept when I took a sip of coffee. Bella pointed out the staff pulling out bins of Christmas decorations, the bare tree in the corner of the room. We sat in front of the fireplace while we finished the little picnic provided to us, and watched as they hung evergreen wreaths and garlands. When they started on the tree, I watched in amusement as she sweet-talked the unsuspecting men into letting her help. It was impossible to deny her anything, so I wound up handing her birds nests and glass icicles to place on the tree as though each location was vitally important. We spent the rest of the afternoon sitting on the porch of our cottage and talking before it got to be too cold for the both of us. We ate dinner on the floor in front of our fireplace before watching a movie from bed. I kept my hands to myself the entire day, reluctant to cause her any discomfort.

The sun was coming in around the drapes the next morning when I felt small warm hands following a hot little mouth as Bella explored my hip bone, my navel, and across to my side where my muscles clenched almost painfully. I reached for her, but she avoided my hands.

"Let me," she breathed. I clenched my teeth together as Bella trailed her hands down the tops of my thighs, pushing so I would spread my legs. Already rock hard and more than ready for her, I was afraid I would blow when her fingers cupped my balls, rolling and gently squeezing. Her other hand traced up and down my thigh, over my pelvis, and never touched my leaking cock. I was sure I was going to actually die of want when she breathed out over my tip, finally licking around the head. My hips could not be still, and I gripped the bedcovers in fear of hurting her if I touched her. Her mouth was hot and wet, and everything that felt good as she created suction and sank down over me.

"Fuck!" I shouted, and I felt more than heard her hum. She moved up and down over me several more times before I was positive I needed to stop her. Grasping her shoulders, I tugged on her until she moved, crawling up my body and giving me a fantastic view of her tits. I moved my hands to them, kneading and pulling them into my mouth as she slid her body onto mine. I hissed when she sank down on my cock, rocking her hips until I released her breasts and then sitting up. She had her hands braced on my thighs as she moved up and down my length, gasping out half-formed words and moaning softly. I gripped her hips as she rose up, helping her to slam back down on me as I met her thrusts.

It didn't take me long in that position to be close to coming, especially after having her mouth on me. I sat up, wrapping my arms around her as she adjusted her legs, and I rubbed her clit with my hand between our bodies, enjoying her head thrown back as she rode me, and I matched her movements until we were both crying out, shuddering in each other's arms.

Sweaty and sticky, I picked my head up from where I'd dropped it on her shoulder. "And a great morning to you, my love."

She snickered. "I just wanted to be a little selfish and have you one more time before we have to go back to reality."

"Oh, you were the opposite of selfish, Bella." I kissed her shoulder. "I think we should shower before we check out."

When we were loaded up and I had checked us out, I headed back towards Old Town to a lavender shop Bella had noticed on Friday. She refused to let me buy her anything, but she did splurge on herself a little, picking some fancy soaps and lotions she said reminded her of the stuff at the lodge.

When Bella had exhausted herself of the lavender shop, we headed back to Seattle to have a late lunch. I was reluctant to leave her, after having spent so much time together this weekend. Unfortunately, it was time to head back to reality, just like she'd said. Bella was going to be busy in December at work before the winter break, and she'd offered to help Alice plan her holiday party. I had to leave her at her door just before dinner; she insisted she had a lot to do around her place and then she was going to bed early. I pouted a bit, but ultimately left her in peace.

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 **There's a surprise for next chapter, and I'll post a peek on Tuesday on the FB group. Link is on my profile.**

 **Almost at 100 reviews, let me know what you think!**


	13. Chapter 12

**The second most frequently asked question I get in reviews is, when do things go badly? The answer is, things start going downhill in Chapter 16. Then it is very much a roller coaster of ups and downs after that. There are hints in most of the chapters about the faults in each of them. We catch up to the prologue at Chapter 27, with Edward's POV of leaving.**

 **The most frequent question asked is, what happens to them? Well, you'll just have to read on. It isn't any one thing, there are several blows. I hope that answers your questions, but if not, feel free to ask away! I answer all reviews.**

 **This chapter is dedicated to RedViolet for being the 100th reviewer! Thanks, lovely!**

 **No infringement intended.**

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 _I seemed to have loved you in numberless forms,_  
 _numberless times. . ._  
 _In life after life, in age after age, forever._  
 _My spellbound heart has made and remade the_  
 _necklace of songs,_  
 _That you take as a gift, wear round your neck_  
 _In your many forms,_  
 _In life after life, in age after age, forever._

 _Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its_  
 _end in you_  
 _The love of all man's days both past and_  
 _forever:_  
 _Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life._  
 _The memories of all loves merging with this one_  
 _love of ours-_  
 _And the songs of every poet, past and forever._

 _~ Rabindranath Tagore, Unending Love_

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 **December 2008**

As Christmas approached, I thought long and hard about what I wanted with Bella. I'd realized on Thanksgiving Day that I was ready for the type of relationship my parents had; the romantic dance in the middle of the kitchen with no music was the perfect snapshot of their marriage. Hell, I'd even seen some of that during our visit with Charlie and Renee. I wanted long-term love and happiness, if I could have that with Bella.

Two weeks before Christmas, I made a call before heading down to the lobby, taking in all the marble as I passed through the front doors and carefully crossed the street to the parking garage. My Volvo XC60 was my baby, but I wasn't driving it today. I retrieved my wallet from the console and headed out into the sunshine. It was brisk, so I turned up the collar on my coat as I walked a couple blocks up and over. My destination was a specialized jewelry store that dealt in antiques.

I spent a long moment looking at the displays in the windows before going inside. There was every style you could want, from Victorian to Art Deco. Finally the cold got to me, so I gave up window shopping as I waited for my accomplice. Wandering around the warm store, I told the salesgirl I wanted to wait until the owner, Alexandria, was available. It was her vast knowledge of antique jewelry that I wanted, as well as a second opinion.

The door opened behind me and let in a cold blast of air. I turned and smiled at one of my oldest friends and then chuckled quietly as the few men near the front of the store did more than double takes as Rose took her winter hat off and shook out her golden hair. She stalked in my direction as she caught sight of me, and the stares turned into glaring daggers as the men assumed she and I were an item. The salesgirl returned, asking if my fiancée and I were looking for that perfect ring. I didn't like her chirpiness or her assumptions.

Rose smirked and removed her gloves, flashing her impressive wedding set at a gaping clerk. "Nope, already have my own rings, thanks."

I reminded the girl I was waiting for Alex so she would leave us alone again. "I want something for her Christmas present, as well as an antique ring to propose."

"Well, you don't want anything too flashy or gaudy." She flipped her hair with her left hand. "Leave that style to me," she grinned.

I laughed at her, but she was right. Bella would want understated, not gaudy. My goal was to find the perfect fit for Bella's personality, since I was hoping she'd be wearing it for the rest of her life. It didn't take much looking before I found a locket in gold with what looked similar to an infinity symbol engraved on the front and back. Alex told me it was from 1901, and I decided it was perfect for Bella's first Christmas present from me. I could picture placing it around her slender neck and placing a kiss as I clasped it. Cheesy, but it was what I would do regardless.

After almost two hours of deliberation, and much convincing from Rose, I agreed to steer away from the two carat sapphire and diamond ring and settled instead on an Edwardian-era bezel cut diamond with a pave diamond shank. Alex pointed out the European style of the setting, and Rose liked that it was understated from a distance, but stunning with the diamonds encrusted around the band. I pictured getting down on one knee if front of Bella, asking her to allow me the pleasure of being her husband. As soon as I envisioned it on her hand, I realized that it was absolutely perfect. Rose asked for the locket to be gift wrapped, and I shot her a grateful look. I would probably have been trying to tape newspaper around the box at the last minute, but this would go much more smoothly and romantic with the shiny silver paper they showed me. The ring I tucked down in the small jewelry bag, then inside the box they provided me with. I couldn't decide where to hide such a precious piece, but I knew I would figure something out.

"I know I gave her shit, but I have to admit that she makes you happier than I've ever seen you." I raised my brows, because this was a huge concession from Rosalie.

I studied her face for a moment. "Then maybe you should apologize the next time you see her," I said pointedly.

She huffed a breath and narrowly avoided rolling her eyes at me, something that was beneath sophisticated Rosalie Hale McCarty. "Yeah, ok." She clapped me on the back the way her husband did, which reminded me.

"What's Shrek doing this morning?" I smiled.

"Watching Sports Central, of course. He told me he'd be waiting for me with nothing on but the guacamole bowl. I was supposed to hurry." She laughed deviously. "I hope he froze his avocados sitting there naked."

"TMI, Rose, Jesus on Melba toast that's TMI." I rubbed my face roughly, then ran my hands through my hair. "Thank you for your help today. It was invaluable. Now go home to Emmett, and please never share the details of what happens next."

Rose just smiled and kissed me on the cheek. "Alright, I'll see you at Alice's party then." She swept out the door, pulling her hat on as she went and earning more stares. I just shook my head and made my own way home.

 **~~~oOo~~~  
**

I was picking Bella up for Alice's annual Christmas party, and realized I had missed her like crazy in the past few days. She typically spent the week nights at her own place, but I kept thinking how much I would like to change that. I hadn't spent any time with her since the long Thanksgiving weekend; between my need to complete end-of-the-year work and her needing to get students settled for the new semester, we were both busy. Tonight was going to be good for all of us.

When Bella opened the door to her apartment and I saw her standing there looking absolutely gorgeous, I felt a sudden rush of emotion that choked me up. Tears sprang to my eyes as I stared at her. She was really mine.

"Edward?" Bella asked in concern, stepping closer to me and holding her hand out.

"I-I-I can't-" The words wouldn't form, and I couldn't catch my breath. I wheezed for a second, running my hand down my face, then reaching back up to run it through my hair.

Her hand dropped heavily to her side. "Can't what, Edward?" she whispered.

The look in her soulful chestnut eyes was too much to bear. I needed to spit it out before I hurt her. I reached for her, pulling her tightly into my arms. "God, I'm sorry. I don't mean to scare you." I took a deep breath, then did it again. "It's just that sometimes. . .sometimes I think I am the luckiest bastard in the world." I pulled back to meet her gaze, now as warm as melted chocolate. "I saw you standing there, and I thought to myself. . . it was an accident that I saw you on the pier that day, just fate really, and now here we are. And you love me without ever judging me and-" I broke off when she mashed her lips to mine.

"Shut up and kiss me, Cullen," she said against my lips. I laughed, and quickly did as ordered. I pushed at her until we were inside her place, and I kicked at the door with my foot, never stopping my lips and tongue from tasting her. She was minty like she'd recently brushed her teeth, and the sweet taste that was all Bella. I tried to keep my hands out of her curled hair to not mess it up, so instead I gripped her hips to hold her tightly to me. She grasped the lapels of my black coat, fisting them as she gasped for air against my mouth. I pulled back enough to allow her some air, but brushed several more kisses to her soft lips.

"I love you, Bella. You look stunning." Her laughter pealed.

"You could have just said that when I opened the door instead of scaring me to death." She ran her hand over my cheek. "I thought, with what you said, that you had changed your mind." Now she looked down at my chest.

"Never, love." I tilted her face back up by placing a finger under her chin. "I apologize for scaring you. You took my breath away, quite literally." I took her hand and spun her away from me so I could look at her dress. It was a deep shade of green, short and swinging around her thighs. The whole thing was covered in lace, and at the top just the lace covered from her breasts to her throat.

"Alice," she said by way of explanation. "Um, let me fix my lipstick and we can go," she said as she bit that lip. I let go of her, and she came back moments later with a little silver bag, smelling like sex and sin.

" _Jesus_ , Bella, I'd like to make it to the party without ripping your dress off you. What is that amazing perfume?" I growled, reaching for her again. I nuzzled her neck, inhaling deeply. Bella never wore perfume, which I didn't mind. But this smelled fantastic.

She was blushing and grinning. "Alice," she repeated. That was a clear explanation in our family. I reluctantly helped her with her coat so we could leave before I jumped her. Alice's place was not too far away; she had a ground floor apartment with a little back garden, and she let us in before we even knocked.

"I saw you pull in. I'm so happy you guys are here!" She hugged Bella as we took our coats off, then took my shoulders in her hands and looked me over. "Not bad, big brother. Considering you dressed yourself." I was in a black suit with a skinny black tie; my hair could never be tamed, but I had recently had it cut. I'd left the morning scruff on my face instead of bothering with it.

I smirked. "Gee, thanks, Alice. Your place looks great." She had a quirky little place with a lot of exposed brick, which she had hung colorful paintings over throughout. White lights were strung over the sliding glass doors, and I could see the subtle touches of Christmas decorations on the tables and shelves. Jasper came over and slung his arms over my shoulders and Bella's until she giggled and slipped away with Alice.

The door swung open behind us, and Emmett practically bounded in. "Santa's here, let's get this party started!" His voice was loud enough that everyone turned to look, and he earned a cheer, especially when he held up the bottles of liquor he'd brought along.

I greeted him with a one-armed hug, and talked with him for a few minutes about work as I kept Bella in my peripheral vision. She mingled a little, mostly shadowing Alice, and I watched Rosalie approach them with a determined look on her face.

 **oOo**

 **BPOV**

I was standing just outside the kitchen with Alice, looking at the drink choices and trying to make up my mind, when I caught sight of blonde hair coming my way. I swallowed thickly and looked at Alice to gauge her thoughts.

"It's okay, she's promised to be friendly," Alice whispered. I nodded, thinking I would just ignore her approach.

"Bella."

So much for ignoring her. It was really just a statement, but it sounded brisk and unfriendly. I turned to face her with a bit of trepidation. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

I raised my brows in surprise, not at all sure what she meant. "Uh, you're sorry? For what?"

She huffed a breath loudly. "I'm sorry, because I didn't give you a chance. That wasn't fair of me." She raised a bitch brow, and hers had mine beat. "So are we drinking, or what?"

Alice clapped her hands like she was a teacher bringing a class to attention. "Yes! Let's drink."

Alice started mixing liquor and juice until it tasted like a summer vacation, and I kept slurping them down like my life depended on it. It seemed like Rose was trying to keep up with me, so she knocked back as many as I did, until we were leaning against each other and laughing too loudly about everything.

"Seriously, Edward looks _sooo_ yummy in that suit." I took a drink. "First time I've seen him wear a tie, I think." I frowned at my empty glass. "Ali! More coconut pineapple good stuff."

She giggled loudly, then snorted. "I don't think I'm doing a good job mixing them anymore. I might need help."

I grabbed the bottle of coconut vodka from her hands and splashed some into my tumbler. "Problem solved!"

Rose laughed. "No, no, no. No. You have to add the pineapple juice, it makes it taste like the Bahamas. Like warm sand, and a naked Emmett." She licked her lips.

"Ew!" Alice squealed. "Don't put that image in my head!"

"What image? The one where he's hung like a horse and I get to ride him like a cowgirl?" She circled her arm over her head like she was roping an imaginary steer. Rose and I snorted into giggles, but Alice scowled.

"You know I don't want to hear about that man's junk, Rosie. The sex, sure, but not the junk."

"Oh, _sex_ ," I spoke up. I waved the vodka bottle I was still holding as Rose tipped some juice into my glass. "The sex with Edward is unreal. My high school boyfriend was awful at it. Only I didn't know any better. I just thought I was broken or that sex was boring."

"Boring?" Alice asked, a bit loudly. Several people turned their heads in our direction. She stuck her tongue out at them and they laughed and went back to their conversations. "Jasper is never boring. He's so tall, and I'm so little, and he can just pick me up and flip me upside down. . . " She sighed. "Acrobatic, and fun."

The three of us laughed loudly again. "Orgasms pile up like he's trying to win a gold medal." I winked, or at least I thought I did.

"Oh, you can thank the ex for that. She complained about 'not being satisfied'," Alice said with air quotes.

"Thanks, skanky ex-girlfriend. The sex is fuck-tastic." Rosalie laughed and propped her elbow on my shoulder. "Why are you so tall, Amazon?"

"Don't hate." She flipped her hair. "I was born this perfect."

"Ugh. You really are perfect."

Alice waved her hand in the air. "No, nobody's perfect. I told you to stop using that word, Bell. You're doing it wrong."

"Wait, did you call me Amazon?" Rose asked, downing the rest of her drink.

"Oh, that's the nicest nickname I have for you," I said, then clapped my hand over my mouth. "Maybe I shouldn't have said that."

"Like what, Shorty?" She didn't _look_ offended through my booze-goggles, so I gave her a few.

"Rozilla, Blonde Ambition, Guard Dog," I laughed. "You know, cause you hate me."

"I don't hate you. Right now, I love you, as long as you pour me some more alcohol."

Edward was crossing the room to stand next to me. "Everyone else has left, love. What are you girls finding so funny?"

"They're gone? But we just got here." I frowned.

"No, sweetie, it's been three hours." He kissed my temple.

"Wow." I laughed some more, just because it felt good. Emmett and Jasper joined us, and the six of us poured new drinks.

"We were talking about how well hung you three boys are," Rose said matter-of-factly. Edward choked. Emmett guffawed, then slapped Rosalie on the back. She grinned at him, and he leaned in and started to kiss her. It was way too much visible tongue for my taste.

"Gross, Blondie." I shoved Emmett's arm. "Take her home." Edward looked at me in surprise. "What?"

"Nothing, you just seem comfortable." He smiled a happy, crooked smile at me.

"I am, and this bottle says so." I held the empty bottle up to his face, and he pushed it away.

"You are _so_ drunk," he pointed out. He took the bottle from me and set it on the counter.

"Yup," I drug the word out to multiple syllables. I looked around, and Jasper was leaning over Alice, who was backed against the pantry door. They were making out too. "Uh, are we done here?"

"We can be, why?"

I bit my lip. "I want you to take me back to my place, that's why."

Edward grinned and grabbed me by the waist, spinning me towards the door and grabbing our coats. "It's been a great party, Alice! Love you!"

* * *

 **So, Edward just bought her engagement ring. . . What do we think? When will he pop the question?**

 **Have I mentioned my beta rocks? Thanks, Sarcastic Bimbo! She came up with Rozilla.**

 **I have a picture of Bella's dress on the group page! I also added the full poem, which is beautiful, but long.**


	14. Chapter 13

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills!**

 **It's Christmastime in Fic-land...**

* * *

 _She walks in beauty, like the night_  
 _Of cloudless climes and starry skies;_  
 _all that's best of dark and bright_  
 _Meet in her aspect and her eyes:_  
 _Thus mellowed to that tender light_  
 _Which heaven to gaudy day denies._

 _One shade the more, one ray the less,_  
 _Had half impaired the nameless grace_  
 _Which waves in every raven tress,_  
 _Or softly lightens o'er her face;_  
 _Where thoughts serenely sweet express_  
 _How pure, how dear their dwelling place._

 _~Lord Byron, She Walks In Beauty Like The Night_

* * *

 **Christmas Eve  
BPOV**

Edward and I were exchanging gifts alone this evening. He'd insisted I not dress up, which was good because I hadn't found time to buy anything to wear anyway. I pulled on a red sweater with my leggings, and ran into the kitchen to make sure I didn't forget to pull the chicken from the oven. I'd volunteered to cook our dinner, and wound up throwing a whole chicken in the oven so I wouldn't have to do too much fussing.

I burnt the back of my finger on the rack when I reached in to grab the roasting pan. Throwing the pan and the hot pad on top of the stove, I popped my knuckle into my mouth, letting out a stream of curses around it.

"Wow, are you okay?" I heard from behind me, along with a deep chuckle. I was already exasperated, and I didn't find it funny.

"No. I burned my fucking finger, I barely even got my clothes on, and you're early." I scowled at him, but he just came around the minuscule island and took my finger out of my mouth. Towing me to the fridge, he opened the door to the freezer, and keeping his eyes on me the entire time, dug out an ice cube and stuck it in his mouth. Helplessly, I stared at his lips as he brought my finger up to them, running his cold tongue out and over my knuckle. When he pulled the tip of my finger in using the suction of his lips, I felt my knees go weak. The ice was cold against the burn, but his mouth was hot, quickly melting the cube and my insides.

"I-I'm sorry I snapped at you," I murmured. My stomach muscles fluttered.

He ignored me, laving my finger with his tongue before pulling it out, winding my arm over his shoulder to pull me closer to him. Wrapping his hands around my hips, he pulled them flush to his thighs. I could tell that I wasn't the only one turned on, considering the hardness pressed into my navel. "No one here minds if you forget to get dressed," he said huskily. "I appreciate you making dinner, but I didn't want you to stress over it." He swayed a little, moving gently back and forth like we were slow dancing.

"I wasn't going to stress. Hence the whole chicken." I had to stop talking and remember how to breathe when his heated green eyes burned into mine. "I just can't help it. I wanted everything to be perfect for tonight." _I have to remember that you don't expect perfection like my ex.  
_  
"It already is perfect." He leaned in, glancing at my lips, then back to my eyes. His gaze dropped to my lips again before he finally touched them as gentle as a feather with his soft, warm lips.

"Oh, fuck it." I grabbed the back of his head and smashed my mouth to his, stroking my tongue against his insistently. My head tilted as I strained on my toes to kiss him as deeply as I could. Feeling his hands on my ass, I wasn't terribly surprised when he lifted me, pressing my back to the refrigerator door. I wondered if I would ever not want him this way. I didn't think it was possible, nor did I care.

After showing each other a very merry Christmas, we sat at the island in my kitchen, sharing the cold chicken directly out of the pan. All my stressing had been for nothing, just as he'd told me. It was comfortable with him, it always was. He didn't expect anything from me; I was the one always aiming for perfection and stressing when I knew it wasn't going to happen.

"Well, do you want to see what I have for you?" Edward's eyes were lit up like he was the proverbial kid on Christmas morning. He was practically bouncing in his seat as he waited for my reply.

"Oh, okay." I had to swallow the chicken I'd just put in my mouth, then I got a sip of my drink to wash it down. Wiping my hands on my napkin, I watched him reach over to the coat hanging on the back of a chair and withdraw a silver wrapped package. I took it, nervously staring at the small rectangular shape. I didn't do well with gifts; there was nothing I could equally return.

"Okay, either open it or hand it back and let me open it." I could hear the impatience in his voice.

"Sorry," I mumbled, slipping my finger under the edge of the paper and unwrapping it. I turned the dark velvet box over in my hands, finding the opening to the clamshell. It creaked quietly as I opened it. Inside was a gold locket, with an elaborate infinity symbol standing out in relief down the front.

"It's an antique," Edward spoke up. He took the box from me, lifting the delicate chain from it and showing me the locket. "It dates from 1901. The Edwardian period," he stated wryly. He thought it amusing that I was drawn to the time period named after King Edward VII, since that very name has been passed down throughout his family. "I figured we could pick a picture together to put in it." He gestured for me to turn, and he draped the necklace on my throat, pulling the chain around and fastening it, lifting my hair to place the clasp against the back of my neck. I felt a kiss placed to my nape and my hair dropped heavily back down. Ever the romantic. He rested his chin on my shoulder, then kissed my cheek.

"I got you something, too," I said huskily. I cleared my throat. "It's under the tree." I walked over to my little three foot artificial tree with twinkle lights, retrieving his cubed box. Christmas had always been my favorite holiday, and I loved to decorate, even if it was just a small tree and some wreaths. I'd lived out a little fantasy helping out at the lodge the month before; grand scale Christmas decorating had been a blast.

I returned, nervously, with his gift. Alice had given me the idea, but I had picked the style. He looked a bit curious as he peeled off the burgundy paper. There was a black box, and he lifted the lid to reveal a watch.

"Alice said you were tired of your old watch. I didn't think a stuffy business style suited you, even though you work in a very suit and tie kind of office-"

I was cut off when he leaned over and kissed me. "I love how you ramble when you're nervous." He lifted the watch out of the box and fastened it on his wrist. It was a wide black leather cuff with black studs detailing overlaid leather. The watch face was sleek and black with a digital readout that lit up when you pushed a button. "It's absolutely perfect. I like the way it looks. Thank you very much." He kissed me until I forgot my own name, then made us some hot chocolate and settled us on the couch under a blanket, where we made out like teenagers until we admitted it was time to go to bed. We were getting up early to drive to Forks in the morning.

 **oOo**

 **Christmas Day**

The drive was smooth in the morning, mostly due to the early as hell hour. I was the one who'd insisted we stay at my place instead of driving to Forks the night before. I'd wanted the time to ourselves, just the two of us for our first Christmas. It was going to be a quiet morning, one of the side effects of being an only child. It was such a contrast from the Cullen household where there were always friends that were like family.

The house smelled amazing as we let ourselves in, like cinnamon and butter. I figured Mom must be making French toast for our breakfast since it was my favorite. Edward piled our gifts under the tree in the living room, a tree that made that room seem so much smaller as it took up space the house didn't have to give.

"Dad? Mom?" I headed into the kitchen from the living room and stopped short. My parents were fooling around in front of the stove. I turned to Edward, blushing furiously but grinning like a fool. He smiled back at me and kissed my temple.

"That's going to burn," Edward said mildly.

Mom squeaked and jumped away from Dad, who dropped the hand he'd had up her shirt. His face was crimson all the way to the tips of his ears, and he kept clearing his throat, finally moving into a cough. Renee just flipped the toast, humming a tune like not a thing was wrong.

"We didn't hear you come in," Dad said halfheartedly.

"Yeah, Dad, I kinda figured." I crossed the floor to wrap my arms around him. I was not unused to them acting that way, but it had been some time since I'd walked in on them now that I didn't live there anymore. "Merry Christmas. We brought our gifts in."

"Good, good." He cleared his throat again. "Ah, your mother's making you some French toast," he gestured to the stove as though I couldn't see for myself what Mom was doing.

"It's good to see you, Charlie," Edward stepped up to greet my dad, and I went to the fridge to get some juice out. Distraction was what Dad needed.

"Let's set the table, Dad." I worked on getting the plates and silverware, and Dad set everything out. We had a pleasant breakfast once Renee was done with the cooking, and Edward and I cleaned up the kitchen while my parents divided the presents into piles.

After all the gifts were opened, I saw Edward in the kitchen talking to my Dad, though I couldn't hear what they were discussing. They were too far away and Mom was gushing about her new sweater. Dad looked a little teary-eyed at whatever was said, and he hugged Edward before stepping outside. I was confused by their exchange, but Edward said it was nothing when I asked him.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

We made it to the Cullens' in time for a late lunch, and we were greeted by everyone in the foyer. It was very festive, with a different atmosphere than my family home. There were carols playing in the other room, and hugs passed around to each person. It smelled like a mixture of roasting meat and cinnamon, wax and woodsmoke. Esme and Alice had gone all out with the tree, and I learned that Carlisle still cut down a tree from their property each year. Then on Easter day they planted a new one to honor the one they cut down. That seemed like a special tradition that I would be happy to participate in.

Lunch was fairly traditional; Esme had a ham and plenty of things to go on the side. We all talked loudly over each other, laughing at jokes told across the table. No one minded that it was a bit chaotic and noisy. There was plenty of laughter, and I felt warm, comfortable. I felt like I belonged.

Rose was friendly, which was nice. It was good to know she didn't have to be drunk to be nice to me, but I noticed she was actually drinking. Emmett started calling me little sis, and laughed when Jasper told him I was "Sunshine". Emmett and Jasper had bonded nicely, and Jasper and Alice announced that he was moving in with her. We all cozied up around the fireplace after lunch, sprawling on the couches and chairs, with Alice opting to sit on the floor at Jasper's feet. Presents were handed out, and I was surprised at how many there were. We had agreed at Thanksgiving that we weren't exchanging with everyone, but picking names. As I looked at the labels, I realized Esme and Carlisle had their names on the majority of the "From" sections of the tags.

Edward caught me looking and leaned over to whisper in my ear. "They like to spoil, but there's nothing too outrageous in there." I just quirked an eyebrow at him. He knew how I felt about gifts. I didn't want anybody feeling obligated to spend money on me. Pushing aside those feelings the best I could, I focused instead on the time spent with the family.

When the last of the wrapping paper was gathered up for the trash, Edward settled at the baby grand piano in the corner of the living room. He'd promised me I could hear him play, and I was so excited that he was finally sharing this piece of himself with me. When he started on the first song, I felt a pang in my chest. The song was haunting, the chords complicated and heartbreaking. It was sweet and romantic in the middle, moving into a crescendo before coming to an end. I found myself wiping away tears.

I relaxed when he moved into light-hearted Christmas carols, and we all joined in. I was a bit jealous that Rosalie had a gorgeous singing voice. It seemed unfair that she had yet one more talent.

Over all, I was very glad to have split the holidays with my two families, which was exactly what it felt like. My family had grown to include all of these people.

* * *

 **I have pictures of their presents on the group page.**

 **Let me know what you thought of their first Christmas together!**


	15. Chapter 14

**I just wanted to say hello to all the new readers. *HI* Thanks for joining me on this journey and leaving very insightful reviews.**

 **No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to the awesome SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills!**

 **New Year's Eve, the start of new and promising things...**

* * *

 _We'll build this love from the ground up_  
 _Now til forever it's all of me, all of you_  
 _Just take my hand_  
 _And I'll be the man your dad hoped that I'd be_

 _We'll build this love from the ground up_  
 _For worse or for better_  
 _And I will be all you need_  
 _Beside you, I'll stand through the good and the bad_  
 _We'll give all that we have_

 _This life will go by_  
 _In the blink of an eye_  
 _But I wouldn't wanna spend it without you by my side_  
 _The clouds are gonna roll_  
 _The earth's gonna shake_  
 _But I'll be your shelter through the wind and the rain_

 _~ Dan & Shay, From The Ground Up_

* * *

 **New Year's Eve 2008/2009**

I walked into the bar we were meeting at late in the evening, not wanting to be stuck there for too long before the countdown. It was going to be the six of us, as we were really becoming close friends. Jasper saw me first and waved me over. I'd walked, since it wasn't far from my place and I didn't want to be responsible for my truck later. When I joined him and Alice, he offered me a shot glass from off the bar. It was topped with whipped cream and looked like it was full of coffee.

"I just got it, but you can have it if you want." He was shouting to be heard over the music. I tugged on the short skirt on my dress, and Alice slapped my hand. She had, of course, dressed me.

"What is it?" I shouted back.

"It's called a Blow Job!" Jasper yelled. I rolled my eyes.

"No thanks! Is Edward here yet?!"

He leaned closer to my ear to not have to shout so loud. "Nope, or he'd be standing here with you already. He texted Alice and said he would be here soon."

I gave him a thumbs up and walked over to Alice's other side. She was bouncing on her stilettos at the bar. "What the hell is Jasper drinking?!" I asked her.

"Baileys, Kahlua, Amaretto, and whipped cream. I ordered it for him, and he was embarrassed, so he tried pawning it off on you. _We_ are going to have margaritas!"

I spotted Amazonia out of the corner of my eye and turned to wave her over. Emmett rushed to me and Alice, picking first me, then Alice, up and swinging us around before dropping us back down. His booming voice was louder than the music and definitely had heads turning in our direction.

"Ed's gonna be a few minutes later, little sis. He said to keep an eagle eye on you until he gets here!" He pointed to his eyes and then to me in the classic 'I'm watching you' gesture.

It was only about ten minutes, but several men approached the bar next to me, turning to face me after placing their order and then eyeing me. Every time, Emmett would just shake his head and tell the guy to move along. Nobody was going to question a guy Emmett's size, and I wasn't bothered by any of them as I started on my second margarita. Alice was telling me about her newest design project when I felt a familiar tingling on the back of my neck. I reached my hand up self-consciously and rubbed the nape around the chain of my necklace, then turned when I felt body heat close behind me.

"Edward," I breathed just before he grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me deeply and thoroughly. I gasped for air when he let me go, and his gaze was dark and possessive.

"Nobody can take their eyes off you, Bella. You are gorgeous." His thumb rubbed my cheek. "Did you have any problems with these men that would love to dance with you?"

"Of course not, I have a bodyguard," I answered, gesturing at Emmett. He just grinned at Edward and winked. Edward looked down at me heatedly, and I felt my insides turn to putty. He took my hand, pulling me to the dance floor. He made a point of grinding against me, pushing his erection against my lower back, dipping to rub his pelvis into my ass. Those full lips touched my neck, pressing open kisses to the column, moving his lips down to my shoulder and creating electrical shocks. He gripped my hips, swaying me in time with him and the music.

When the song was over, he led me back to the bar, asking for a drink and handing me the one I hadn't finished. I was already turned on, throbbing and wet thanks to his suggestive dancing and dark gaze. I watched his lips as they touched the glass he was drinking from, watched his throat work as he swallowed. I shifted, pressing my thighs together.

"Edward," I said, way too quietly to be heard over the music. All the same, his eyes snapped to mine.

"I love you," he murmured in my ear as he leaned close. "You look damn sexy, and I really want to fuck you." I whimpered. "It's too bad this club is packed with so many people." He kissed the shell of my ear, his hands ghosting up and down my arms. "I want to lay you out on the bar and do dirty things to you," his velvet voice crooned.

"I am so wet for you right now," I breathed. I knew he could hear me. I watched as his eyes heated up even more than they already were. He yanked me off my stool, and I tottered after him on my ridiculous heels. We danced some more, essentially having sex standing up on the dance floor. There were plenty of other couples doing the same, and I knew we didn't stand out. I still kept wondering how nobody seemed to notice that I was in flames, completely consumed by my desire for Edward. All I had to do was look at his black shirt and black jeans, see the way his long muscles were subtly defined under the clothes, and I felt like I would explode.

By the time the countdown was announced, I was sure I'd need new panties. I was a mess of want and need as Edward and I stood with everyone else in the middle of the club, and I couldn't stop running my hands over his chest, his back, his arms. The music had been paused as everyone waited to start chanting.

"I have something for you," he said in my ear. I looked up at him, a little confused. When he knelt in front of me with a ring in his hand, I gasped.

"Isabella Marie Swan," he paused to take a deep breath, "I want the start of the new year to be the start of our life together. Would you please do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me and giving me the privilege of spending the rest of my life with you?" The love was shining out of his eyes, and the tears were coursing down my face unchecked.

Ignoring my miniskirt, I knelt with him and grabbed his face. "Yes, absolutely yes!" I kissed him hard as he grinned at me.

He pulled me to my feet as the people around us shouted and cheered, counting down from ten and kissing at the toll of midnight. The ring was stunning, and I couldn't take my eyes off of it as he slid it onto my finger. It shined in the lights of the club, red, blue, white. I looked up at him in awe, and he was staring right back at me, a kind of wonderment in his eyes.

"I simply can't believe how lucky I am, Bella." He kissed me softly, rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

"I'm definitely the lucky one. I can't wait to be Mrs. Cullen." A grin split his face, and I stood on my toes to kiss him again.

Our friends surrounded us then, congratulating us both and the girls demanding to see the ring. Rose admitted to helping Edward pick it out, telling me it was an antique. I was touched that she accepted me enough to help her best friend pick out my engagement ring. We spent another hour dancing and drinking, and celebrating our engagement.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

I was so turned on by the time we made it to his building that I couldn't contain myself anymore. The second the elevator doors closed, I jumped him. I threw my arms around his neck and literally jumped, my knees clasping his waist as we collided against the elevator wall. I licked and bit and sucked on his jaw, his neck, up behind his ear. He was moaning sexily, his hands grasping and kneading my ass, his head turned to the side to give me better access. My hips bucked, pressing my core into his erection and I hissed against his neck. The ding when the doors opened made me jerk away from him, but he didn't let me go as he rushed to his door, unlocking it swiftly and kicking the door open. We stumbled into the hallway, and Edward shoved the door with his foot until it closed. I heard the lock snick before he had his hands all over me. I dropped my legs so I could push him down the hall to the bed. I jerked my coat off and let it fall somewhere in the hallway.

"All the teasing," I bit just under his chin, "the touching proposal," I ran my hands down the front of his pants, rubbing against his hardness, "and now I can't _wait to fuck you_."

"I like dirty Bella." His mouth descended on mine, rough and sloppy, before he moved to my throat and I tried to yank off my clothes. "Like the night you got drunk a few weeks ago." Edward ripped my dress off over my head, and I yanked hard on my tights. I stumbled when they reached my ankles, because I'd forgotten to take off my shoes.

"Shit." I hopped ungracefully and tried to reach for my heels one at a time with no luck. Edward scooped me up and deposited me on the bed, hands running down one leg to my ankle. His lips followed his hands, and he got my shoes off, followed by my tights. I moaned and writhed as he placed open mouthed kisses to the back of my knee, pulling at my legs until they were dangling off the bed. He ran his fingers from my ankles to my knees, then up to my thighs. When his lips closed over the fabric of my panties I cried out, hips rising off the bed. One hand held me down, while he used the other to work his fingers and tongue over me as I gripped the duvet. When I shuddered and jerked beneath him with my release, he crawled up my body and kissed me stupid.

"Why are you still dressed?" I demanded breathlessly. He took the hint and stood, shrugging out of his coat and letting it hit the floor. I sat up and unbuttoned his pants as he worked at the buttons on his shirt, finally giving up and ripping it off. The buttons popped off, flying across the room and pinging against the wall. I shoved at his pants with my feet, working his boxer briefs down with them and eagerly wrapping my hands around his strong, throbbing cock. His pants didn't get past his knees before he was on top of me, kissing me on my face and neck, my hands gripping his ass. I heard ripping, suddenly realizing he had pulled at my panties until he ripped them off my hips. He entered me without any more preamble, and I cried out in relief at the feeling of him finally inside me.

" _Fuck!_ Fuck, fuck, _fuck,_ Bella!" he cursed loudly. I met his thrusts, our legs hanging off the bed more than I was comfortable with, so I wrapped mine around his waist, my heels digging into his ass. His pelvis was hitting me in just the right spot every time we met, and I was crying out so loudly I was sure the neighbors could hear me. There were pleas for more, harder, and I couldn't hold back as another orgasm tore through me. Edward kept up his rhythm briefly, and then he faltered as he called my name.

Breathing hard, panting really, Edward collapsed on top of me. I ran my hands down his back as I tried to catch my breath.

"Best. . . sex. . . ever." I managed to get out.

* * *

 **I don't smoke, so those that do can light one on my behalf.**

 **They're engaged! The wedding is next chapter (in EPOV!); I didn't feel the need to draw out the engagement. They've done everything else fast, why slow down now? As a matter of fact, I'm posting them together.**

 **The ring, the glorious ring, is up on the FB group page, as well as the updated playlist. Link is on my profile, or you can find it by searching my pen name.**


	16. Chapter 15

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills!**

 **The engagement party and the wedding...**

* * *

 _From the way you smile, to the way you look_  
 _You capture me like no other_  
 _From the first hello, yeah, that's all it took_  
 _And suddenly we had each other_

 _From the heat of night to the break of day_  
 _I'll keep you safe and hold you forever_  
 _And the sparks will fly, they will never fade_  
 _'Cause every day gets better and better_

 _And I won't leave you, always be true_  
 _One plus one, two for life_  
 _Over and over again_

 _When I'm with you I lose track of time_  
 _When I'm without you, you're stuck on my mind_  
 _Be all you need 'til the day that I die_  
 _I'll love you_

 _Over and over again_

 _So don't ever think I need more_  
 _I've got the one to live for_  
 _No one else will do, yeah, I'm telling you_  
 _Just put your heart in my hands_

 _Promise it won't get broken_  
 _We'll never forget this moment_  
 _It will stay brand new_  
 _'Cause I'll love you_

 _Over and over again_

 _~Nathan Sykes and Ariana Grande, Over and Over Again_

* * *

 **February 2009**

Everything was moving in a whirlwind. Esme and Alice were planning an engagement party, and they'd called my mom for reinforcements. When Renee met them they bonded pretty much instantly, especially given that Alice was more like my mother than I was. I was consulted on colors and flowers, but not much else, and that was fine with me. Edward hired Rose to design and make my dress, and Alice was planning the party and the reception. Esme was all over the wedding itself, down to the wedding party and the vows. My mom had a hand in it all, which made me happy. When I talked to my dad on the phone, he grumbled that he never saw his wife anymore, but he was incredibly happy for me. He admitted that Edward had asked his permission to propose to me on Christmas Day. The moms and Alice had planned an engagement party for us and a small handful of friends, and the day was coming up quickly. Alice took me shopping, her favorite pastime, and picked out a lovely dress for me. She also found a reception dress for me in a beige linen that somehow looked amazing on me. The color of the wedding was really just white, but my ladies would be wearing varying shades of purple. They each had picked their own dress; I had no desire to be a bridezilla, demanding uniformity in what they wore.

The engagement party went by in a haze, more of a dream than reality. Friends from work were there, Edward's friends and acquaintances, people that knew the Cullens that I'd never met. It was overwhelming, and felt to me like a precursor to the wedding itself. Edward rarely strayed from my side, touching my hand or wrapping an arm around my waist. I can't recall what we ate, or what we danced to, or the faces of the guests. I can only recall every expression that flitted over my fiancé's face, the emotions that shone in his eyes as looked down at me, smiling and rubbing my cheek with his thumb. I can remember the exhaustion that overtook me, finally crashing in the guest bedroom as Edward curled around me. I can picture the gentle, easy way he woke me the next morning, with the watery sun filtering in through the curtains, his touch soft and enticing.

We had brunch with the family that day, and I could not stop the grin that split my face. I was going to be a bride in approximately two months, and Edward would be mine. Forever.

 **oOo**

 **April 2009  
EPOV  
**

Pachelbel's Canon in D started, and I held my breath as I stood at the opposite end from where she was emerging. I waited to see Bella walking down the aisle that had been built in my parents' backyard. When I finally caught sight of her, my breath whooshed back out of me, and my heart and lungs constricted. This was really happening. It wasn't a dream; the reality was, the most wonderful woman in the world was marrying me.

Her dress was intricate, lace sleeves and a train, and it wasn't until she turned to kiss her dad on the cheek that I saw there was no back, only lace. She was breathtaking. I simply ran out of words as she reached a hand out for me, and I took it firmly, bringing it up to kiss the backs of her fingers. She smiled shyly, but it seemed that when our eyes met, everything clicked into place. I barely remember what exactly was spoken, though I know we pledged to love each other through better and worse, as long as we both shall live.

The reception was a blur of lights, sounds and smells. All of our friends and family were there of course, and the catering smelled amazing. I found that I could barely eat for the excitement and desire churning in my gut. My wife was glowing, happy, and yeah, finally my wife. She was having a ball, so I didn't want to rush her. We could stay up all night if that made her happy. I noticed she never strayed far from my side, opting to have a hand on me wherever she went. I watched as she laughed, her head tilting back and exposing her creamy throat. I wanted to kiss it, to mark her as mine. She had my ring on her finger, but I wanted my cock inside her, my mouth darkening her perfect flesh until there was no mistaking who belonged to whom.

I was unconditionally and irrevocably lost to my wife, more in love with her in that moment than I ever thought I was capable of such an emotion.

When we finally made it to the room, I was overwhelmed at the idea that she was mine. My wife, with my ring on her finger, and my last name. She loved me completely, as I did her. I held my arms out to her, and she stepped into my embrace, resting her head on my chest. I kissed the hair on the top of her head, breathing her in.

"I love you so much," she murmured into my shirt.

"That's why we're here," I responded. She pulled back and looked up at me, grinning.

"That's true, Mr. Cullen." She raised up on her toes to kiss me, and I obliged eagerly by dipping my head to meet her mouth. Impatient after waiting the whole day to have her to myself, I swept my arms under her legs and lifted her, carrying her through the living room of our suite, crossing the threshold of the bedroom, and laying her gently on the huge bed. She beamed up at me, irresistible.

"I can't wait to make love to my wife," I said softly, and her smile widened.

"Say it, please?" The expression on her face was utterly adorable.

I smirked, "Mrs. Cullen." I leaned over her, crawling up her body before I positioned myself along her side.

"There are too many articles of clothing between us, husband." She pulled on my tie, and I reached up to help her. Thankfully, Alice had changed her into a more simple dress, so I didn't have to fight with her gown. I searched her back until I found the zipper, pulling it down slowly, leaning in to kiss her as my fingers stroked her back. She arched, and my head lowered almost without conscious thought, pulling the fabric and her nipple into my mouth. I sucked until I could feel the tight peak, stroking my hand down into her dress until I found her round ass. Her hands were tugging at my hair, and I loved the way it felt. She moved her hands to work on my buttons, and soon she was shoving my shirt off my shoulders, and I pushed at her dress until it was around her waist. My hands found the clasp on her bra, and I pulled it off too, and immediately pulled her nipple into my mouth again, sucking on it the way I know she likes. Her mewling cries filled my head, and I snuck a hand up her dress, fondling her between her legs, listening to her moan.

"The clothes. They have to go," she panted. I stood, yanking my pants off and throwing them across the room, my underwear following quickly.

I smirked when her gaze landed on my cock. Taking it in one hand, I stroked it from the base to the tip. "That's why we're here," I said, my voice deep and husky. I wanted her so badly I was already leaking.

She jumped up from the bed, wrestling her dress from around her waist and flinging it behind her. She rushed forward to stand with me, her hands going to my dick. I hissed as she enclosed it in her small hands.

"Let me, please," she whispered. She stroked and fondled, rubbing the tip with her thumb, until I was worried I'd come right there in her hand.

I had to stop her, so I jerked her panties down her hips, and she stepped out of them as I motioned for us to go back to the bed.

She crawled up on her hands and knees, looking at me over her shoulder. With a groan of need, I followed her onto the mattress, and I lined up behind her on my knees. I stroked my hands over her ass, up her back to knead her shoulders, and felt her trembling at my touches. I slid my hands down to grip her hips, and pushed forward until my cock was at her entrance. She gasped, shuddering and moaning as I pushed forward into her heat. She braced on her elbows, and her ass rose enough that I slammed balls deep into her wet pussy.

"Oh, God," I ground out. "You feel so fucking good."

"Aah!" Her head dropped, but I could still hear her muffled cries. I set up a fast pace, positive I wouldn't last. The sound of slapping skin was loud and echoing in the room, along with her sexy moans. I reached around her, finding her clit and massaging it. I needed her to come before I completely lost it.

"God, Edward!" she screamed, and I fiercely hoped the neighbors could hear how I was pleasuring my wife. I followed her orgasm immediately with my own, careful not to collapse my full weight on her. She stretched out under me, and I rested on top of her, catching my breath. I was quite interested in the way it felt to still be inside her, my chest pressed to her back, so I swiveled my hips, pleased when my cock grew again.

"Oh, yes, Edward," she panted, not even recovered from our first time. "That's so good," she moaned.

I had to move incrementally, afraid to slip out and hurt her. My cock hardened as she made sure I knew how much she approved, and I was positive it was pressing on her pelvic bone, rubbing her from the inside in just the right place. She came so hard her pussy clamped down on my dick, squeezing until I thought I'd come again too. Instead, I slipped out of her, rolling her over and pushing back in. I ran my hand through her hair, kissing her temple, her cheek, then her chin. She opened her eyes languidly, smiling up at me as I moved slowly within her.

"I love you, so much," she whispered, her hands going to my hair. We kissed softly, and she wrapped her legs around my waist, urging me to move faster. I came again, calling her name quietly and holding her to me. I dropped my head next to her shoulder, catching my breath.

Eventually I settled next to her, pulling my wife to me and falling into a content and sated sleep.

* * *

 **Ah, newlyweds.**

 **As requested, I'm giving a heads up that the drama starts next chapter, but it's pretty mild for now.**

 **Updated playlist is posted on the group page.**


	17. Chapter 16

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills!**

 **Though I did Google admissions coordinators, I don't know the ins and outs, so if I get something wrong, please remember that this is fiction.**

 **I'll see you at the bottom.**

* * *

 _I was a heavy heart to carry_  
 _My beloved was weighed down_  
 _My arms around his neck_  
 _My fingers laced to crown_

 _My love has concrete feet_

 _My love's an iron ball_

 _Wrapped around your ankles_

 _Over the waterfall_

 _I was a heavy heart to carry_  
 _But he never let me down_  
 _When he had me in his arms_  
 _My feet never touched the ground_

 _~Florence And The Machine, Heavy In Your Arms_

* * *

 **May 2009  
BPOV**

As I tried to get back into the routine of work and daily life, it was a pleasure to come home to Edward at the end of the day. Alice and Jasper came over for dinner in the middle of the week, and we had all of our friends over on Saturday. It was a good first week as a married woman, but it didn't last.

The following Monday, Mike approached me at my desk and waggled his eyebrows at me when I turned to look at him.

"Yes, Mike?" I was irritated that he had stopped by.

"I got the promo. I wanted to tell you." He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. "I'm your boss now." He grinned, and my skin prickled.

"Oh." I had to think of something decent to say. I couldn't be rude to my new boss. _Shit_.

"Don't you mean congratulations?" Mike frowned, and he looked a bit pissed.

"Oh, of course." I stood, uncomfortable with him looming over me. I stuck my hand out. "Congrats." Mike took my hand, and I shivered involuntarily. I did not like the feel of his sweaty palm against my hand, so I withdrew mine as quickly as I could. "Well, I have a lot of work to do, so. . ." Would he even take the hint?

"So, for starters, if you need anything from IT, just call them. There's no need to spend so much time on the third floor." He looked entirely satisfied with himself at this decree.

"Really? I don't think that's in UDub policy. It's not always possible to get ahold of them by phone." My mind was trying to keep up, figure out a way around this rule so I could still visit Jasper.

"Well, it's my policy. So, I'm guessing you should sit back down at your desk there, since you have so much work to complete." He circled his finger toward my desk and shrugged. _Little bastard_. "I will be scheduling personnel meetings to bring everyone up to speed on what goals we're meeting personally."

"Sounds great, Mike." I turned around and sat at my desk, ignoring him behind me while I went back to the admissions I was uploading. I eventually heard him walk off, but checked behind me to be sure before picking up my cell to text Jasper. Apparently I wasn't able to stop by and see my friend for a few minutes when I had something I wanted help with. Mike was going to be a fun boss.

Jasper's quick response made me chuckle, but I bit my lip to keep quiet. I was definitely not a lucky bitch to have Mike as a sup. He was going to make my life miserable.

Unfortunately, I was right. Mike only got worse as time went on. My paperwork increased, my goals were higher, and the time he gave me to complete work was cut shorter by a third. Basically, he expected me to do the work of three people. I found myself working through lunch more often than not, and I never saw Jasper anymore. Edward started questioning why I was so late coming home every night, and I tried to play it off.

"I have a new boss, that's all. Things will level out soon enough." He had eyed me carefully, then kissed me and told me he missed me, and helped me forget all about work.

Our sex life was crazy. It seemed like we had sex every night. Edward was selfless, and knew positions I'd never thought of. On the weekends we had sex multiple times a day, just because we could. We spent time with Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. We joined families at the Cullen's for Easter,and planted the new tree in the yard.

We were hiking in the Olympic National Park one weekend with Alice and Jasper when he asked me about work. I thought about how to answer him, because I didn't want Edward to worry about me. "It's busy. Between now and the fall semester it's going to be slammed, of course." I paused to take a sip of water from the bottle clipped to my waistband.

"And how is Mike treatin' you?" I cringed. This was the subject I'd wanted to avoid. "I never see you, so I guess the rule stayed in effect."

Edward had stopped with us, and now he looked sharply at me. "What rule?"

"Dude, she's tied to her desk." Jasper looked at me accusingly. "Didn't you tell him, Bells?"

Alice grabbed Jasper by the elbow. "Walk on, Jazz." Her brow was furrowed as she glanced over her shoulder at me.

Edward was not going to drop the subject, that was for sure. "Bella? What rule? Why are you tied to your desk?" he demanded.

"It's nothing, Edward." I tried to keep walking, to catch up with the others on the trail. Edward snagged my hand, spinning me back to face him. He dropped my hand and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What's going on?" He did not look pleased. I took a deep breath.

"Mike is just a hard boss. He gave me shorter deadlines, like I told you." I kicked the toe of my shoe in the dirt.

"And?" he prompted.

"And, what, Edward?" I knew I was being obstinate, but I couldn't help it. He took care of me, of everything and everyone, and I didn't want to stress him over something I was sure I could handle.

He sighed, exasperated. "What are you keeping from me? Why is it like pulling teeth, especially if Jasper already knows?"

"He knows because he works with me. And I really don't want you to worry about me. I can handle Mike." My voice had risen as I spoke.

"Is there something _to_ handle?" He was getting louder now, too. I glanced around us, eager to make sure no one was around to listen to us argue.

"I'm not allowed to visit Jasper on the clock, that's all. It's not a big deal."

"If it's not a big deal, then why wouldn't you just tell me?" He raised an eyebrow at me, and I felt like I was a pupil being scolded by their teacher. My nerves were stretched thin enough as it was.

"Because technically Mike can't tell me not to visit IT, okay! He made up a rule that only affects me, because everyone knows Jasper is my best friend. Mike reassigned the others in my department to do the personal work with the students." I shoved my hand up into my hair, then ran it down my ponytail. "I'm inputting all the admissions. And they are only going to go up over the summer." I looked down at my shoe, kicking through the dirt again.

"So that's why you're home so late all the time." It was a very quiet statement. Edward only spoke like that when he was reigning in his temper.

"Yes," I said to the ground.

"That's why you fall asleep at 9, and sleep in so late on the weekends. He's burning you out."  
I could hear the cold fury he was trying so hard to reign in.

"Yes. I work through lunch to get home sooner, because I can't wait to get out the door."

"You're not _eating_?" he roared. A startled bird squawked in a nearby tree; I jumped, stumbled over my own shoe, and fell back on my ass before Edward could catch me.

"That's just great," I griped. "Klutzy me manages to hike this far without falling, and then I land on my ass after tripping over my own fucking shoe." Edward reached down to help me up, and I slapped his hand away. I heard him growl, but I was too worked up to care. I struggled to my feet, ignoring the hands that grasped my arms to help me to stand. I brushed off the seat of my shorts, then brushed off my hands. "I'm going to catch up with our friends now," I announced. I turned my back on him and headed off. I felt the heat rolling off of him as he fell into step behind me, but I refused to look at him. We hiked in silence until we rejoined the others, and Alice linked her arm with mine. I pretended that my new husband and I did not just have a fight in the middle of the fricking woods.

When we parted ways at the end of the trail, with a promise to have dinner in the middle of the week, Edward took my hand in his and pulled me to a stop by the side of the car. I looked at the ground as his hands hit the frame of the door, his arms caging me in. The anger pulsed from him, hitting me heavily in the chest. My heart was pounding, and I couldn't meet his gaze.

He dipped down in an attempt to look in my eyes. "Bella," he said in a deadly low, calm voice. "Look at me!" he snapped. My eyes flicked to his, widened by his tone. "I don't want you keeping things from me," he said in the calm tone. "I only want what is best for you," he purred. "How can I help if you don't tell me?" His hands went to the back of my head, and he moved in, kissing me gently. All the fight left me as I realized how I must have hurt him. I kissed him back fervently, leaning up on my toes to reach him better.

I broke away from him finally. "I'm sorry," I murmured. I kissed his jaw, tasting the saltiness of his skin. "I didn't mean to hurt you." I kissed his lips again, my hands going to his waist. "Take me home, Edward," I whispered. His smile was quick and bright as he pulled me away from the car to open my door for me. He touched me the whole drive home, his hand on my knee, holding my hand in his, kissing my fingertips.

I was on fire by the time we hit the front door. Pulling him with me, I headed to the bathroom, tugging on his hands so he would follow me. I turned on the shower, aiming the faucet to hot. Facing him again, Edward smiled smugly as I started kicking off my hiking boots. He toed out of his, reaching behind him to grab a handful of shirt and tug it off over his head. His socks came next, and I peeled mine off before moving to my shorts. We stood there for a minute, he in his shorts, and me in my shirt and panties.

I rushed him, knocking him back a few steps before he steadied us with a hand on the counter. I grabbed his head, planting my mouth on his and kissing him with everything I had. Hurt, regret, love, lust, even exhaustion. His hands molded to my ass, and they seared my flesh through the thin boy shorts I was wearing.

"Shower," I grunted. He backed me towards it, tugging on my shirt until I lifted my arms and he yanked it over my head. He peeled off the underwear, and I pulled my bra over my head, too impatient to mess with the clasp. My hands were on his cock the minute he dropped his shorts and boxer briefs, and he grunted. I took a step backwards, his erection still heavy in my hand, doing a bit of a dance as he moved with me. I stepped over the lip of the shower when I felt it hit my heels, and I tilted my head back to accept the blistering hot water.

"Jesus, why do you like it so hot?" Edward complained when the water sprayed him.

I grinned. "I like to feel that I've scalded myself clean," I answered him.

"More like removed several layers of skin," he remarked as he adjusted the temperature. I stroked my hands up and down his shaft, and he shut up about the water. He moved all the way in the shower with me, pushing the door closed behind him. I pushed him against the door, kneeling in front of him as I sank down over his cock, not wasting any time. He gripped my shoulders and groaned loudly, and I held his legs for support as I moved my head. After a few moments, he pulled me up and crushed me to him, moving us both under the rainfall shower head. He kissed me, angling our heads to stroke his tongue deeply against mine while the water sluiced over us.

He turned and sat on the built-in seat, one of my favorite features of the entire bathroom. I turned away from him, letting his hands on my hips guide me. I sat down, sinking over his hard cock and crying out at the feeling of him entering me completely. I leaned against him, my back rubbing his chest as I moved up and down, my hand on his knees and his still on my hips. He bent his head, kissing my neck, and I moaned my pleasure. I sped up my rhythm, and one of his clever hands moved to my clit, rubbing in circles with his fingers. My cries echoed in the bathroom, and he grunted as his orgasm rushed him, my own walls clamping down around him as he spilled inside me. I shuddered as my legs locked down, and I collapsed back against him, satisfied.

He kissed my shoulder, resting his head there. "I like make-up sex."

"Mmmm," was the only response I could muster.

"Come on. You need a shower and a nap, love." I agreed, letting him help me up. I washed quickly, too tired to stand around for long. He wrapped me up in a towel, and even tucked me into our huge bed, choosing to sit by the window and read as I dozed.

When I woke it was late in the evening, and Edward offered me some dinner. I rubbed my eyes as I joined him at the table, and I practically swallowed my omelet whole. I wasn't eating as well as I should, between working so much and always being tired.

"I want you to report your boss," Edward said. He might as well have shouted it into the quiet stillness, though his voice was low and rough.

I looked up at him, my fork paused mid air. "I'm afraid to get in trouble, Edward. I don't want to stir the pot."

"Well, the pot is full of shit, so maybe it just needs to be shaken. Hard." He did not look as if he was joking.

"I know," I sighed. "I think I can handle him. I just want to find a level spot, some kind of routine that doesn't suck for me and still makes him happy." I stuck a bit of egg into my mouth and chewed. "I've increased my production rate, out of necessity, I suppose."

"You're more than just data entry, for crying out loud!" he shouted, his fist hitting the table. I jumped, but answered him calmly regardless.

"I know, but the others have taken over the rest. The student meetings, the phone calls. If I don't have to worry about that, I can get more paperwork done."

"Which turns you into a drone, and a miserable one at that." He finally resumed eating himself.

"I know, I know. Just. . . let me have some time before I do anything like report him. I don't want to make it worse if they side with him." I frowned. Would they side with him, or was he really as bad as Edward was saying?

"Just promise me you'll talk to me about it, and not let it get worse." He looked me in the eyes as he waited for my response.

"All right, I will." I swallowed thickly as I wondered whether I was lying to him or to myself.

* * *

 **Anyone have any thoughts as to how Bella is handling the situation with Mike?**

 **Many people have noted how fast our couple is moving. It is only one of their many mistakes, and does play in to their issues later on.**


	18. Chapter 17

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **All the credit in the world goes to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! AND, I have a new pre-reader, 71star. Thanks for your help ladies!**

 **My lovely beta** **pointed out in the previous chapter that Bella uses sex to distract Edward from their problems. From my perspective, it's also a healing place for her.**

* * *

 _I have done it again_  
 _I have been here many times before_  
 _Hurt myself again today_  
 _And the worst part is there's no one else to blame_

 _I have lost myself again_  
 _Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,_  
 _Yeah, I think that I might break_  
 _Lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

 _Be my friend_  
 _Hold me, wrap me up_  
 _Unfold me_  
 _I am small and needy_  
 _Warm me up_  
 _And breathe me_

 _~ Sia, Breathe Me_

* * *

 **June 2009**

I was so far behind with everything in my life, I just wasn't sure when it would ever smooth out. Work was so busy it was ridiculous; I was wavering over the idea of working weekends just to catch up. Edward's birthday was coming up, and I had zero time to plan anything. I'd enlisted the help of Jasper and Alice, but I hated the fact that I couldn't do something so simple for my new husband. The worst of all was that Edward had decided we should buy a house. I didn't disagree, but I didn't have time for that. All I wanted to do on the weekends was sleep, and instead we were going to look at houses.

"Don't worry, love, we'll figure it all out," Edward assured me as he drove us to the house he wanted me to see. "I've been to this one, and if you love it, I'll take care of it all."

I nodded, too distracted to really pay attention. Mike was so bad at work, I was thinking I really would have to report him to HR. It was constantly on my mind, so much so that I tuned out most of what my husband was telling me.

"Bella? Did you hear me?"

I turned in his direction; of course I hadn't heard him. "I'm sorry, what?" I scrubbed my hands over my face, trying to feel awake and alert.

"I asked if you wanted to stop for a coffee on the way?" He looked so concerned for me, the guilt weighed heavier.

"Yes, that'd be great." I smiled, and hoped it looked genuine. He was always so thoughtful.

After hitting up a drive through coffee place, we drove a little while until we passed a sign that said we were taking the bridge for Mercer Island. I'd never been there, being a small town girl from Forks, but I was under the impression it was upscale. When the I-90 bridge crossed onto the island, I sat up straighter in my seat, looking around. It had only taken about 20 minutes from the loft to get here, and it looked like a lovely community.

Edward turned down a tree-lined street, and I immediately thought of his parents' home. The houses were set far apart, and some you couldn't even see from the road. He pulled into a driveway, where I could just make out a stone house from the road. It looked exactly like it belonged there; as though it had simply sprouted up from the ground. The lawn was impossibly green and lush, the trees verdant and well-maintained.

I jumped out of the Volvo before he'd even turned off the ignition, eager to see the house more closely. I heard him chuckle as he slammed his door, and he came to stand beside me.

"You like it," he stated, and I could hear triumph and relief in his voice.

"Very much," I smiled at him.

We headed up the front walk hand in hand, and Edward put the code into the lock box, sliding the key out and unlocking the front door. I stood there for a moment, looking at the bay window with it's copper roof, the hedges lining the walkway, and the columns in front of the entrance. When we stepped inside, I looked around at the foyer. The ceilings were very high, the walls a pale caramel with white trim. There was a staircase to my left, and a room to my right, with plenty of windows to let the light in. I turned into the living room, where the walls were painted yellow, and there was furniture staged to show how perfect you could set it up around the fireplace.

"The kitchen is this way," Edward said from behind me, leading me past the stairs and to the back of the first floor. I stopped, looking around in amazement. The whole kitchen was done in warm wood with a massive island and marble countertops. There was a family room adjacent to the kitchen that had its own stone fireplace, and even a piano to show Edward could have his brought here. I looked back to Edward.

"I don't even need to see the rest. If the upstairs is half as perfect as the downstairs, I'm sold."

He grinned at me, in that way he had with only half his mouth turned up. "I had a feeling you'd like it. Do you want to see the backyard?"

"Okay," I answered as he led me to the back door. The patio was set up like an outdoor kitchen and seating area. The yard went on for what seemed to be forever, only ending in dense trees.

"This is the one, don't you think? I don't even need to see anything else." I wrapped my arms around Edward, burying my face in his shirt.

"I was hoping you'd say that." He stroked my hair down my back. "I put a bid on it."

I stilled. _He what now?_ "You did?"

"Ah. . .yes. I hope. . .I hope that's okay."

He sounded so unsure that I decided to let him off the hook. "Well, that's good. I'm too tired to house shop and worry about buying a damn thing."

He laughed, sounding relieved. "Wonderful. I'm going to set up movers to take care of everything. Do you want to shop for furniture, or. . .?"

"Alice," we said at the same time.

"She'll be thrilled."

 **~~~oOo~~~**

I went back to work on Monday, feeling somewhat refreshed. I'd spent most of Sunday sleeping to try to recoup from the week. Unfortunately, Mike was standing at my desk when I arrived, even though I was fifteen minutes early.

"I was wondering when you'd get here," he said unpleasantly. He looked me up and down, his eyes lingering over my breasts. I refused to hunch over or adjust my blouse.

"As it happens, I'm early, so why were you wondering?" I answered sharply.

"Hmm, such a smart mouth. I know how you could make better use of it." I stopped moving altogether, my purse dangling from my elbow as I stood there in shock. _Had he really just said that?_

"I-I'm-I need to get started. Did you need something?" I grit my teeth as I realized what I'd said. Hoping he wasn't about to twist my words, I looked directly at him and dropped my purse in my seat.

He laughed, and I shuddered. "Yes, I need something, but we're at work, so. . ." He took a step closer, and I backed up until my butt hit the edge of my desk. "What do you do on the weekends?" That was not where I thought this conversation was leading.

"I don't-don't see how that's relevant." My voice was shaking, and I hated myself for it.

"Just wondering if you're managing to keep your new husband happy." His lips curled, and I swallowed back the lump that had risen in my throat.

"I need to work," I whispered, terribly uncomfortable.

"Yes, well. I just wanted to stop by, _as your boss_ , to say good morning." He finally stepped back. "Now you can get to work."

I watched him walk away, disappearing into his office and closing the door. My knees were trembling, so I yanked my purse up and dropped into my chair. I tried to take deep breaths, but my heart was pounding harshly in my chest. I pushed my hand into my hair, then opened my drawer, stowing my purse and then flipping on my computer. I just needed to start working, so that I could forget about whatever he'd been insinuating.

When lunchtime rolled around, I heard Mike's office door open, and I glanced over my shoulder as he walked down the hall to the bank of elevators. I sat back in my chair, rolling my tense neck. A hand landed on my shoulder, and I jumped and spun around in my chair.

"Sweet Jesus, Jasper! You scared me to death." I had to put my hand over my heart to make sure it hard started beating again.

"Why's that?" he asked in his drawl, eyebrow quirked up.

"I thought everyone had left, that's all." I looked up to his eyes as he towered over me. He squatted by my chair so I didn't have to crane my neck.

"I wanted to know if you're up for lunch, since your system is goin' to start updatin' any minute."

I groaned. "I forgot about that," I said.

"Oh. You got this month's calendar, dint'cha?" He was frowning, likely worried that he'd forgotten to send it to me.

"Yeah, I'm just so busy and distracted these days." I sighed. "Actually, I would love to get out of this building."

We didn't go far, just walked down the street to a cafe. I think I yawned more than I spoke, and finally Jasper stopped talking and just looked me over.

"What the hell is goin' on, Sunshine?" I opened my mouth, but he interrupted me. "And don't you dare say nothin'."

He knew me too well. "It's just work. It really sucks." I downed some more coffee, my drink of choice morning, noon, and night.

"Have you talked to Edward about it?" I caught the subtle warning edge to his voice.

"Of course," I answered defensively. "It just hasn't gotten better like I thought it would. I was positive I could handle it, but. . ."

"But what, B?" He frowned in concern.

"Nothing, I'm overreacting because I'm tired. We've got the house we're buying, and furniture to pick, and Edward's birthday that I don't have the time or energy to plan." I rubbed my temples, overwhelmed just thinking about all of it.

"Alice is all over the furniture and girly shit for your house. And I believe she and Esme have the birthday party handled as well. Don't stress yourself out, Sunshine."

"Easier said than done. You know I'm just shy of a control freak when it comes to myself."

"Yeah, that need to be perfect should really be put on the back burner. Stop tryin' to kill yourself. No one expects perfection from you, but _you_." He put his large, warm hand over mine on the table. "Give yourself a break, let your friends help."

"I know you're right, I just have to let go." I sighed. "Are you ready to head back?"

We gathered our stuff and headed back to the office. The rest of the afternoon dragged by, especially since it was almost 6:30 when I finally shut down my computer. The software update made the input process a bit easier, and I reminded myself to thank Jasper. I was so engrossed in this thought that I made it all the way to my ancient truck before I realized there was someone standing by it's door. I stopped short, a gasp escaping me and my heart in my throat. I blinked a few times, my hand on my chest as I recognized the idiot standing there in the semi-dark.

"Mike? What in the world are you doing here? I thought you left a long time ago."

He was leaning casually against the driver's door as though it belonged to him. "I did, but I was talking with someone, and they just left. I noticed your, uh. . . _vehicle_ still here."

"Well, okay, but it's time to go now." For me and for him.

"Yeah," he said, but made no move to leave. I raised an eyebrow at him. "I was wondering something." He stepped away finally, but came closer to me. I tried to circle so that I was the one by the door to my truck.

"What were you wondering, Mike?" I asked wearily. I was so tired of him, but I was trying to keep my job.

"What do you do all by yourself when you're here so late?" He stepped closer again, and it felt like he was stalking me.

"I work, Mike. What do you think I do?" The edge to my voice was sounding like hysteria.

"Well, you're all alone. All by yourself. In a dark parking garage."

The tone of his voice sent chills all over my skin, and I hugged my arms around me. "I'm just trying to meet my deadlines. Nothing about this building or this garage have ever made me feel unsafe." _Until now_ , I add silently.

"It should," he said mildly, but it still made a pit form in my stomach.

"And why's that?" I asked, sounding braver than I actually felt.

"Because there are. . .others. . .that stay late. You just think you're alone."

"Okay, as much fun as this has been, I would like to go home and get some dinner." My hands were trembling, so I clenched them under my armpits so he wouldn't see.

He laughed, and it sounded like roaches skittering away when the light is flipped on. "Sure, Bella, go _get you some_." He walked away, whistling. I scrambled to unlock my truck door, tripping as I tried to jump in, and finally slammed the door hard enough to make the frame rattle. I smashed my trembling hand down on the lock, turning the key in the ignition and feeling a small amount of comfort at the loud roar of the engine.

When I got home, I barely stepped inside the door before dropping my bag and starting to strip. Ignoring Edward calling my name, I left a trail as I headed to the bathroom, grateful that it was so close to the front door. I made it to the shower before he came in and found me.

"Bella?" he asked with concern.

"I just really want a shower," I mumbled. "Long day." I let the water reach scalding before stepping in, and the heat stung as it hit my shoulders and head. I let it run over my face and down my front, finally reaching for my soap. When I felt sufficiently clean, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. I stopped short when I saw Edward sitting on the bathroom counter.

"Better?" he asked, handing me a towel. I dried off vigorously, scrubbing at my skin until it was red. I was not surprised when Edward jumped down from the counter and came to stand in front of me. He tilted my face to his. "Bella, if it's that bad, it's time to report him." He said it quietly, but with conviction. I knew he was right.

"I just want to sleep," I whispered. He gathered me up and walked down the hall with me, laying me gently down on our bed. He crawled in with me, pulling my back to his chest and holding me tightly. I fell asleep, finally not worrying about anything.

* * *

 **Bella is still struggling. She goes up, then crashes back down. What are your thoughts about Mike?**

 **Pictures of the house, you know where to find them.**


	19. Chapter 18

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and thank you to 71star for pre-reading!**

 **I loved the responses I got to Mike! He's so creepy, you guys have no idea (yet).**

 **Hitting the first of many bottoms...**

* * *

 _All around me are familiar faces_  
 _Worn out places, worn out faces_  
 _Bright and early for the daily races_  
 _Going nowhere_  
 _Going nowhere_

 _Their tears are filling up their glasses_  
 _No expression_  
 _No expression_  
 _Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow_  
 _No tomorrow_  
 _No tomorrow_

 _I find it hard to tell you_  
 _I find it hard to take_  
 _When people run in circles_  
 _It's a very, very_  
 _Mad world_

 _~Gary Jules, Mad World_

* * *

 **September 2009**

As my twenty fourth birthday loomed, I was realizing that everyone around me was right, and I was acting way too stubborn. I needed to report Mike, and stop thinking I could handle everything on my own. Clearly, I could not.

Edward's party had been great; I was just sad I'd had no part in planning it. I was missing my friends, and my husband, and my parents and in-laws. I wasn't spending nearly enough time with them thanks to my new work hours. We'd moved into the new house, and by we, I mean the others packed and moved my things. I simply drove home to a new place one night. It really was a great house, but it added to my weighing guilt over how much I owed my friends.

Mike was only getting worse. I was wrong about what I'd thought I could handle, because he'd ramped up the sexual innuendos and lurking by my desk and parking space. I knew I was meeting his ridiculous deadlines, and yet he would ask why I arrived late when I was in fact early. He'd ask why I was staying late, when of course the answer was trying to complete my work. He'd ask about specific applicants, knowing he'd reassigned that part of the job to a colleague. Anything to stand over me and make it seem as though I wasn't doing my job properly.

Or to suggest he wanted to have sex with me, which was my breaking point. He'd insinuated plenty, but on a Wednesday afternoon in the beginning of September, he finally went too far. Every other employee had left for lunch, but there I was at my desk, typing away. He never touched me, but he would stand so close I could feel him breathing behind me. I spun in my chair, and my legs knocked into his knees. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Why do you stand so close?" I demanded, fed up.

He just smiled a greasy smile. "Because I can." He leaned down, his hands on the arms of my chair. I shrank back in my seat. "What are you doing for lunch, Bella?"

He was so close, I could smell his stale breath as he spoke. I felt trapped, literally and figuratively. "Working." It came out in a strangled whisper, rather than with strength like I'd hoped.

"Maybe instead you'd like a little. . .afternoon delight. Would you like that, Bella?" His voice was low and disturbing.

My stomach turned over. "No, Mike, I would not." My voice was still too quiet for my liking. I cleared my throat. "Can I get back to work, now?"

"I'd rather you begged me for what you wanted. I know you'd like it more than you think," he said slyly.

"I-I'm married, for crying out loud!" The idea of anyone besides Edward touching me that way made me sick. I wrapped my arms around my midsection, trying to comfort myself.

"Of course, of course. I'm sure you're wonderful in bed. . . with your husband, that is." He straightened up. "Talk to you later."

I watched him walk away, taking in deep lungfuls of air. My head was spinning, so I dropped it between my legs.

When I'd caught my breath, I pushed my chair back from my desk and took the stairs to the ground floor. I needed some air, and to clear my head before making my way to HR. I paced in circles, my nerves clenching my gut into knots. I checked my watch, wondering how long their department would be out to lunch. Sucking in a breath, I decided to just go, and I would wait in their offices if I had to.

I rode the elevator to the tenth floor, twisting my hands together in front of me. _You can do this, Bella._ I had to repeat this over and over again in my head as nausea and dizziness threatened to overtake me.

The glass outer doors were standing open, so I went on in. The mahogany receptionist's desk was empty, so I stood there for a moment, unsure of what I wanted to do next. I heard footsteps behind me on the industrial green carpet, and I turned around. I recognized the head of the department, Ms. Stanley.

"Isabella?" she asked, and it sounded like she was expecting me.

"Yes. . . How do you know my name?" I swallowed past the hoarseness in my throat.

She smirked. "It's my job to know everyone's name."

I didn't for one second think that she knew the names of all the employees. "I-I need to speak with you about my boss, M-Mike Newton."

"I'm not entirely surprised to see you here, although I can't imagine what you might have to say," she said, somewhat harshly.

She was making less and less sense to me. "Can we, um, go into your office and speak in private?" I had no desire to be standing here making a spectacle of myself when the rest of the department came back from lunch.

"Of course," she replied, heading off down the hall. I followed her into her office. The name placard on her desk read 'Jessica Stanley, Human Resources'. _So that's her first name._

Jessica motioned for me to sit in the chair in front of her desk, and I watched her circle around, noting a lack of pictures on her shelves. She only had a few nicknacks and her framed diploma.

"I've had a few. . .issues with my direct supervisor. I don't know where to start, exactly," I began nervously.

Jessica leaned over her desk, resting her palms in the middle of it and staring at me. Her frizzy brown curls hung over her shoulders, blowing a bit in the air conditioning. I leaned back in my seat, confused by her confrontational posture.

"I should tell you that Mr. Newton was in my office this morning, Isabella. He had much to say," she said, shaking her head.

"I don't understand."

She narrowed her sharp blue eyes at me, then flipped open the file folder on her desk. "In May, you started working longer hours, is that correct?"

"Yes, that's a small part of my compla-"

"You work through lunch and stay after office hours, which is against company policy and OSHA regulations. You are required a set amount of breaks, and to not work over 40 hours without direct authorization and subsequent recompense for overtime." She looked up at me.

"That was as a result of the changes made by my new supervisor. I had- _have_ a higher goal and needed to put in more hours to complete my work as a result. I've not asked for overtime." I bit my lip nervously at her line of questioning.

"I see. So you are unable to meet the requirements of your job description as it stands currently?"

"Why are you asking me these questions? I've only just now come to you, and you're put in place to protect me from a male supervisor who feels the need to work me to death and then lurk by my vehicle and suggest I have sex with him!" I finally exploded. I didn't even realize that I'd stood up, and was now face to face with Ms. Stanley. My chest was heaving at her accusations.

"I haven't even reached that portion of your supervisor's complaint," she said derisively. "I think you should have a seat, Ms. Swan."

"I'll stand," I spit out. "What accusations?"

She was tapping a pen in an annoying staccato rhythm on the file. "In June, when Mr. Newton was here late for a meeting, he discovered you in the parking garage, waiting for him."

I gasped. "You have got to be kidding me!"

She glanced down at the file, then back at me. "When he asked if you needed an escort to your vehicle due to the lateness of the hour and darkened garage, you suggested he, and I quote, 'go get him some'. In July, you started coming in earlier and standing outside his office, waiting for him. Then, just last month, you started making more suggestions that inferred you would exchange sexual intercourse with him for an adjusted workload."

I sank into the seat blindly, staring at this woman spewing lies in my face. "He actually came in here and said these things, and you took a report? You're taking him seriously?" I asked in disbelief.

"This very morning," she continued as if I hadn't spoken, "you were lurking outside his office and told him you were great in bed, and that he would enjoy himself if he would just accept your offer." Finally, she looked up from the file she had been reading from. I felt my stomach lurch at the look on her face. "Isabella Swan. . .oh, I apologize, Isabella _Cullen_ , you are unable to perform your duties as outlined in your job description. You have made several references of a sexual nature to your direct supervisor, as well as stalking him." She raised a brow, and it might as well have been the ax on a guillotine. I knew what was coming, and the room spun before me. "Subsequently, you are hereby terminated from your position as admissions coordinator for the University of Washington." She paused, and I saw an evilness in her eyes. She was enjoying herself. "Collect your things and leave the building quietly, or security will escort you to the garage." I knew she was hoping I'd make a scene so she'd have the perverse pleasure of calling security on me.

She was positively gleeful at having just fired me, and I would not give her the satisfaction. I stood on shaky legs, forcing the tears I felt pricking behind my eyes to remain where they were until I left her disgusting presence. "I have _not_ , I repeat, _not,_ done any of these things you are accusing me of," I said through gritted teeth.

She tsked. "I am not your accuser, you silly girl. Now leave." Jessica pointed to her door, and I stumbled around the chair and walked on numb legs out of her office and swiftly down the hall. I would not cry in front of her.

I used the elevator to make my way back to my desk, and retrieved my bag before I took my framed wedding picture and carefully tucked it inside. I had an empty plastic leftovers container, and I took that too. Blinded by the tears that were threatening to fall, I tripped my way to the staircase and blundered my way down. I made it to the truck without falling on my face, and then I locked myself inside before letting out the wail that was choking me.

* * *

 **So, any guesses as to Jessica's motivations? It will be several chapters before we see this resolved. What are your thoughts?**

 **Edward is up next.**


	20. Chapter 19

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills! She liked this chapter in particular. ;) Thanks to 71star for pre-reading.**

 **To my NEW pre-readers, HappyCup and starsmina, thank you so much!**

 **We're about to find out what Edward thinks about Bella getting fired.**

* * *

 _I never dreamt of doing him no harm_  
 _I always seem to pull him down_

 _He'll be floating away_  
 _Floating away_  
 _Hope he floats right back to me_  
 _He'll be floating away_  
 _He'll be turning away_

 _Oh, gravity_  
 _Damn, gravity_  
 _Oh, gravity_  
 _Damn, gravity_  
 _He keeps drifting away_

 _Hope he floats right back to me_

 _~Okay Kaya, Damn, Gravity_

* * *

 **October 2009**

 **EPOV**

I knew that Bella was unhappy. I felt guilty, though I was immensely pleased that she was no longer under the thumb of such a slimy weasel. She wanted, needed, something to do with her time. She was not the type to stay inside all day around the house and watch television.

To say I was stunned when she was fired would be a massive understatement. I still hadn't wrapped my mind around all of it, but I had most definitely called the university and found the chain of command, speaking to higher authorities than one Jessica Stanley. I insisted they launch an investigation into all of this, and I'd been assured that someone was reviewing security footage from the parking garage. I was absolutely furious to hear that Bella's scum of a boss had started stalking her and she hadn't said anything to me. It was a bitter argument when I got home from work the day that she was fired.

I remember that I was surprised she was already home; she no longer arrived before seven in the evening, yet there she was at a quarter 'till five.

"Bella? Are you sick?" I found her curled up in our bed, the covers to her nose. She was so still that I was partially undressed before I noticed her. It was actually the sound of her sniffling that caught my attention.

"No," she whispered.

I pulled my phone and the change from the day out of my trouser pockets, placing them on the dresser. Out of habit, I turned my phone back on, watching the screen light up as I unbuttoned my dress shirt.

"You're home early, I thought maybe something was wrong. . ." I trailed off as several notifications popped up on the screen of my phone. I frowned, reaching for it. "Son of a _bitch_ ," I swore, running my hand roughly through my hair.

I dropped my phone back on the dresser and moved around to the other side of the bed. Kneeling, I pulled the duvet away from Bella's tear-stained face. "My phone was off; I was in a client meeting, and I came straight home when we were finished. I just now saw the texts from Jasper." She wouldn't look at me, just stared over my shoulder. "That job sucked, baby. It'll be good for you to be away from there."

Her reddened eyes flicked to mine, then back to a point behind me. "I don't care about the job. I care about what they said about me."

"What do you mean?" I asked her in confusion.

"Mike turned everything around on me, made me out to be a stalker and claimed I couldn't meet my deadlines, so they fired me." I couldn't help but notice that her voice was dead, devoid of emotion.

"Couldn't meet the ridiculous deadlines he enforced? I wouldn't care about that either." I sighed, then something she said hit me. "Wait, he said you were stalking him? Is that . . .was he following you around?" I ground out. She didn't answer me. "Bella!"

"Yes, okay? He appeared at the truck more than once. He was always at my desk in the mornings, even though I was coming in early. Turns out he was just keeping track of my hours to report back that I was incompetent!"

"He was STALKING YOU!" I roared. Bella cowered back into the bed, and I worked hard to modulate my voice. "Whatever his pathetic reasons, he was following you around and making you miserable, and you never said a word!"

"It didn't matter," she insisted.

" _You_ matter! You matter to _me_ , damn it!" I groaned in frustration, scrubbing my hands over my face and lowering to the floor to sit in front of her. "I thought we agreed you would tell me absolutely everything that fucker did."

"I was trying to protect you." Her voice was so small, and she had her body curled up in the fetal position. This had been going on for too long.

"You can't protect me by lying to me," I said harshly. She flinched, and I sighed.

"You take on too much, I don't want to add any stress on you."

"You have to take care of yourself if you want me to not worry about you. Stop worrying about me, and expecting me to not worry about you!" I didn't understand her logic.

The tears were rolling down her face, trickling sideways across her nose and into the pillow. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Edward." My heart squeezed painfully at her statement. "I want to worry about you, to make sure you're always okay."

"Then I reserve the same right." I stood, leaning over her and kissing her on the head. "You should get up, get a bath and let me make you something to eat. And maybe call Jasper, because he's still blowing up my phone," I glanced over as another notification beeped on my phone.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

The girls and I were trying to distract Bella from boredom, but it wasn't working. I came home early when I could, and Rose and Ali would stop by during the day and drag her to lunch. Rose was incredibly blunt with her opinion of Bella's old boss, and the way she handled the situation. She made Bella promise to knock off the shit and communicate with me more.

She was still bored.

She job hunted, but she was understandably not secure in her ability to find work after having such a scandal in her previous position. I told her repeatedly not to worry about income, just to find something to make her happy.

I came home from work one day in November to find Bella in the entryway, stark naked. She had one of my ties around her neck, and she was running her hands down it, between her breasts. My gaze travelled down as I dropped my briefcase on the floor, and I groaned at the sight of red stilettos and long legs.

"Did you have a good day, Edward?" she rasped sexily. I think I whimpered loudly.

"Did you?" I countered as I adjusted my erection in my pants. I moved closer to her, and I was positively salivating at the view in front of me.

She pushed my suit coat off my shoulders, running her hands down my arms and grabbing my hands in hers. She backed up into the living room, pulling me with her. She stopped at the couch and pushed me down. I reached for her, but she backed away, a teasing smile on her face. Whatever had happened that day, she was in a playful mood and I was going to gleefully reap the rewards.

When she leaned forward in my direction, I couldn't help but take her breasts in my hands. The tie dangled between us as she started unbuttoning my shirt, and I palmed her breasts, rolling the tips in my fingers. She bit her lip, and my gaze focused on her mouth instead of her tits. When she shoved at my shirt, I helped her take it off, then her hands went to my zipper. She worked at my belt and pants, shoving open the fly and reaching into my boxers.

She made a soft sound as she wrapped her silky hands around my cock, and I leaned back and moaned at the feeling. She had me throbbing with the way she was teasing, so hard it was uncomfortable. When she stroked me the way she did, it made that aching both better and worse.

"Baby," I whispered, then licked my dry lips. "You're driving me crazy."

Bella smiled wickedly. "Good."

She stood straight again, and I whimpered at the loss of contact. She turned around, running her hands down her thighs to her knees. My hands ran over her ass as she bent over, and this time she was the one whimpering. One of my hands stroked her wet pussy from the back, the other circling around her plump ass. My dick was practically begging her to sit on it, but she didn't. She straightened again, turning back to face me and placing a heeled foot on the couch between my legs. She ran her hands from her ankle to her knee, and my hands followed suit.

"Baby, do you want me to come all over this couch?" I breathed out.

"Maybe," she responded. Instead, she grabbed the waistband of my pants and yanked. I stood with her, working to toe off my shoes and push my pants off at the same time. She pushed me back down on the couch, crouching and pulling my socks off. I was officially more naked than she was, and she finally straddled me, trapping my leaking cock between us.

"Mmm, you're killing me," I moaned.

She merely smiled, pushing her tits into my face and running her hands through my hair. I absolutely devoured her gorgeous breasts with my mouth and tongue, reveling in the sounds of pleasure coming from her throat. Finally she lifted enough to position her wet entrance over my eager cock, sinking down and setting an urgent pace.

I was thinking that she'd turned herself on with all the teasing, because her breathing was harsh and her moans guttural as she rode me. I twisted the tie around my hand, pulling her in to kiss her deeply, stroking my tongue urgently in her mouth.

"Oh, God!" she cried against my lips, and her hips faltered. I grabbed them, helping her move over me, meeting her thrusts until I knew I was going to explode. "Ohhhh. . .Yes, Edward!" Her orgasm spurred mine, and I held her tight as my dick pulsed inside her, the walls of her pussy clamped down like a vise.

Bella sprawled limply over my chest, and I stroked her back softly. I was trying to catch my breath when she spoke into my skin.

"I'm going to be volunteering at the library. I start tomorrow."

"That's the best news I've ever heard," I stated.

She looked up at me. "Why?"

I gestured to her naked body draped over mine. "This was the result."

She giggled, and my heart felt full.

 **oOo**

 **December 2009**

Christmas was good for all of us. We hadn't spent as much time together as we would've preferred, so it was a nice change to slow down and talk, and to just be ourselves.

Charlie kept hinting about grandbabies, and I was surprised it was him and not Renee. We'd been married for 8 months by then, and I wasn't even sure how Bella felt about having children that early in our marriage. I decided I would ask her the next time we were alone.

We were smart that year, making the drive on Christmas Eve and spending the day with the Swans. Charlie and I spent a good amount of time talking about fishing; it was something I had not really done since I was a child. I promised him we would come out one weekend soon and he and I would spend the day on the lake.

Bella and her mother talked endlessly about the new house. Renee was more than happy to lend a hand decorating, since it wasn't really Bella's thing. Alice had already done an amazing job with the furniture and paint, and my piano sat in the room off the kitchen. Other than the master, the bedrooms upstairs were empty.

When it was time to head to my parents' house, Bella was teary eyed.

"I never spend enough time with them anymore, Edward." She swiped at a tear and sniffled.

"So have them over. For New Year's or a weekend in January. You and Renee can spend all the time you want on the house, and your dad and I can fiddle around in the garage."

She smiled up at me. "Yeah, maybe I will."

We spent plenty of time at the piano at Mom and Dad's house, since everyone loved singing carols. When it was almost time to leave, Emmett stopped everybody in the dining room.

"So, Rosie and I wanted you all to know. . .one of my swimmers was Superman and now she's knocked up!" He boomed an ecstatic laughed and grabbed Rosalie, who actually blushed as he swung her around. The joy was bright on their faces as they spun, Emmett finally setting her carefully on her feet. He kept an arm around her waist and kissed her soundly before allowing the rest of us to hug them in congratulations. My mom was actually crying, she was so happy for them.

"Ma, no crying allowed! It's a happy occasion!" I teased her.

She laughed and swatted my arm before hugging me. "Happy tears, son. Let me be."

Emmett and I had grown up together, and I knew that Mom felt like he was one of hers. She would spoil their child as though it was her very own grandchild, too. "I know, I'm just teasing." I kissed her cheek. "Merry Christmas, Ma. I love you."

She cried a bit harder, squeezing me tightly again. "I'm proud of you for being such an exceptional young man, and an excellent husband. I love you, as well."

Suddenly I was the one with a tear in my eye. Bella caught my attention, smiling at me from Emmett's embrace. He liked to make her and Ali squeak when he hugged them. Mom and Bella hugged, and I saw them talking. It was definitely time to have a discussion about babies.

* * *

 **A lovely bit of an upswing for the pair, and Rose and Emmett are gonna be parents! Any boy/girl guesses?**

 **If you're interested in pictures, songs, and teasers, they're to be found on the fb group!** **facebook (dot com)/ groups / 1533457420295204 /**

 **I'm dedicating this chapter to starsmina for reviewing every chapter and helping me reach 200 reviews! Thanks, lovely, and everyone else kind enough to review! (Hi, shaz308!)**


	21. Chapter 20

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta skills, and to 71star, HappyCup, and starsmina for pre-reading.**

 **Remember when I said it's a roller coaster? We're meeting some new friends, and finding that we're not quite done with Mike.**

* * *

 _Crashing, hit a wall_  
 _Right now I need a miracle_  
 _Hurry up, I need a miracle_  
 _Stranded, reaching out_  
 _I call your name but you're not around_  
 _I say you're name but you're not around_

 _I need you, I need you, I need you right now_  
 _Yeah, I need you right now_  
 _So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down_  
 _I think I'm losing my mind now_  
 _It's in my head, darling I hope_  
 _That you'll be there when I need you the most_  
 _So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down_

 _Don't let me down, down, down_

 _~ The Chainsmokers ft. Daya, Don't Let Me Down_

* * *

 **February 2010**

 **BPOV**

I was beginning to feel like myself again, after the grueling months of dealing with Mike and finding myself to be a workaholic. I felt like I was out of the slump that followed, where I wanted nothing more than to bury my head in the sand, but was too bored to sit still. The holidays felt relaxed, especially when my parents came to visit for a week after the first of the year. Mom and I spent most of our time decorating a guest room upstairs and an office downstairs. Dad and Edward got their fishing trip, which they both enjoyed more than they thought they would.

I spent the month of December learning my way around the library on Mercer Island, including the friendly staff. Carmen, the head librarian, was a lovely woman somewhere around a decade older than me, with rich coffee colored hair and smooth olive skin. She was possibly created for the position of librarian, she was so attentive and warm and compassionate to the patrons and to me, also.

"Whatever hours are comfortable for you, Bella. You are a volunteer, after all." Her chocolate eyes were quite similar to my own, but seemed more expressive to me. Her husband stopped in one day at lunch, and I looked after the counter for her while they sat outside for a visit. Eleazar had a more exotic look to his features, and a heavier accent than Carmen. She said they had been married forever and had not been able to have children of their own, so she loved story hour when the children would come in. I did, as well.

After Rose's announcement, Edward and I spent several nights having serious discussions regarding children. We knew before we married that we each wanted them, but the idea of them is something very different than the concrete existence of them. I was a little giddy at the idea that he wanted to start trying for children already. He admitted that Charlie had something to do with that.

In February I met a sweet older lady at the library by the name of Siobhan. She came in asking me if there were any newly donated suspense novels, and sat right down in an armchair and started reading one. Her accent was faded like her eyes, but her smile was genuine when it curved up in her wrinkled face.

"I don't recall seeing you in here before," she said in a whispery voice, with a lilting remainder of Ireland.

"I came here in December, as a volunteer. We moved to the island a handful of months ago."

"I come in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, always at nine. Never miss one. Carmen, she lets me read whatever has come in lately."

"Ah, that explains it. The only two days I normally don't come in." I sat on the edge of the table next to her. "I'll have to change that."

Siobhan and I sat in the reading nook for an hour, talking about the book she was reading. I brought her a cup of tea from the cafe, and she gave me the sweetest smile. Her eyes crinkled in the corners when she smiled at me, and she gave me the warmest feeling, like my grandmother used to.

I left at the end of my day feeling buoyant and incredibly happy. I had a smile on my face as I unlocked the door of my truck. A movement caught my attention in my peripheral vision, so I looked up, the smile dying on my frozen face.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here?" I hissed. My face flamed, and my body locked down.

Mike just smiled and sauntered closer to me. "I wanted to see how you were holding up after the. . .incident at the university."

"I'm fantastic, thanks for asking. Go away." I was infuriated that he would dare to show up here.

"Now, now, that's impolite." He reached towards me, and I side stepped. His hand bumped the truck instead.

" _Don't touch me_ ," I warned in a low voice. "How did you find me?"

"Your address is in your personnel file. It wasn't hard to ask around and find where you were working." He reached for me again.

"I said DON'T TOUCH ME!" My voice was edging towards hysteria.

"Isabella? Is there a problem?" I visually sagged in relief at the sharp sound of Eleazar's voice.

"Yes, this man has repeatedly tried to put his hands on me." I watched Mike's eyes shift from me to the man walking up next to me.

"And _you_ are?" Eleazar asked. His eyes narrowed, and to me he looked intimidating.

"It's not important." He focused back on me. "I'll see you around, Bella." Mike started whistling as he walked away, crossing the street and disappearing into the park. The rush of adrenaline left me feeling exhausted and shaky.

"I'm so glad you came when you did, Eleazar." I sighed. "Carmen is still inside, but I believe she's almost done closing up. She sent me home."

"That is fine, _Chabela_ , but are you sure you are all right?" The concern was evident in his thickly accented voice.

I was flushed from anger and embarrassment, and then the tears started to flow freely. I couldn't help myself as I sobbed, Eleazar wrapping his warm arms around me and shushing me soothingly.

"Here, let us go inside to Carmen. Can one of us call your husband?" He tsked. " _Mi_ _querido_ , you are shaking." He ushered me back inside the cool library, and the thick, familiar smell of paper and coffee helped to ease my mind.

"Th-thank you, Eleazar," I said, and watched Carmen rush at us from the circulation desk.

"Bella!" She met her husband's eyes. "What is it?"

" _Un hombre_. He was trying to touch her, until I walked up. He is gone now, _amablemente_."

Carmen nodded in concern. "Honey, let's get the phone and call Edward. You're in no shape to drive home."

The Denalis took care of me as I waited for Edward, who had merely said he was coming right away. He had to drive from midtown Seattle, so I sat with Carmen while Eleazar made us hot tea. She had a calming, maternal presence about her, regardless of her young age. We ended up chatting about the fabulous Siobhan, who was a long time regular and beloved by all of the staff.

I was considerably more calm by the time Edward arrived; he, however, was not.

"What the hell happened? Did he put his hands on you?" He looked around frantically as he rushed to me, as though the instinct to defend included the interior of the library.

I waved my hands dismissively and stood as he approached, and he crushed me to him, his hands roaming my body like he was searching for injuries. "He's gone. I think Eleazar scared him off." I had spoken enough of the Denalis that Edward knew who they were, but he had never met them. I made quick introductions as Edward thanked them profusely.

"I am merely grateful for my good timing, and the fact that I was here to pick up _mi cielo_ for dinner, which is not always the case." Eleazar looked at me. "I believe the young man's intentions were to scare your wife, Edward."

"Yes, we've had problems with him in the past. He was Bella's boss at the university, and he made her life very difficult." I'd shared all of this with Carmen, so she understood.

"Yes, well, he shouldn't be hanging around our parking lot here. Maybe you should file a restraining order if he's been a repeat nuisance?" Carmen suggested.

"That's exactly what we should do," Edward agreed.

"Wait. Why would anyone believe my side of the story over his? They didn't the last time."

"We have security cameras aimed toward the parking lot, Bella. It's in black and white, no one has to take sides. The truth will be on the camera," Carmen pointed out.

Eleazar added, "I will corroborate if you need, Isabella. I saw him reach for you, and you backed away just as I was approaching."

"Thank you guys, so much" I sniffled, and Edward tightened his arms around me. "I made it harder on myself the last time by not speaking up. It's so much easier with your support."

 **~~~oOo~~~**

With the restraining order filed, I felt more at ease as I left in the evenings. Carmen watched me from the door each time, reminding me of the cameras to help me to relax.

I didn't tell Siobhan about what happened, but she was an intuitive woman. She asked me every time she came if I was still okay, or if I'd been staying out of trouble. Once she even asked if I felt safe at home, and I was quick to assure her it was not my husband that was the problem. She swore to me that she would take on whatever monsters plagued me, and I couldn't help hugging her for that.

"When I was a wee little babe, there was political unrest in my country. It was called _Cogadh na Saoirse._ Civilians, British soldiers, and guerrilla men were killed with no regard to whose side they were on. My father was killed on _Domhnach na Fola._ " She looked at me seriously with her filmy eyes. "You would call it Bloody Sunday. My mother was never the same again; she had many babes to tend to, and I was the youngest." She closed her eyes, as though she was picturing this thing that had occurred so long ago. "There was a man that I remember growing up. Not my father, but my _mathair's_ man friend." She smiled wryly. "I knew even then what he was. He was not kind to the children. He wanted only my mother, for she was a beauty still."

She stopped speaking long enough that I prompted her. "What happened?" I asked quietly, afraid of the answer.

She reopened her eyes and looked right into mine, and I somehow felt her terrible pain. "He did unspeakable things to my older sisters. Ma would not give in to him anymore, and he took his revenge on her daughters. I was lucky; I was young enough that he did not want to bother with me." She sighed with a deeply ingrained weariness. " _Mathair_ was not the type to sit by, though. She defended her daughters the best she could, and she paid for it with her life. My young brothers and I ran as fast as our short legs would carry us to the neighbor's house. We found help, but too late."

She picked up her cup and sipped a bit of tea. I was riveted to the spot, too afraid to say anything and break the strange connection I felt between us. "We were wards of the government after that. We were split up, the youngest of us being of more interest. I had a good set of adoptive parents. They brought me here to the States. I had a good life after that."

"What happened to your siblings?" I whispered.

"I never knew."

I left that day feeling weighed down with Siobhan's sadness. I wanted my husband, I wanted some comfort and safety, and I was more than relieved to walk in my own front door.

I could hear the tinkling of the piano as I searched out Edward. I followed the sounds, taking off my shoes and stripping my jacket on the way to the family room. The echoing notes rose and fell as he played, filling my heart with warmth once again.

I went straight to him, draping myself over his back and breathing in his unique scent.

"Hello," he greeted me, wrapping his arms over mine.

I kissed his neck, then behind his ear. "Hello, love of mine. I missed you."

I straightened as he turned on the piano bench, his hands going to my waist. "I was thinking of you, and adding to your lullaby."

I smiled at him. "That's very sweet." I leaned into him, touching my lips softly to his. His hands brushed at the hair at my temple before cradling my jaw. "I want to make love to my husband," I said quietly as we broke apart from the kiss.

He smiled tenderly at me. "I would like nothing more, my Bella."

There were soft sighs and whispers of love, gentle caresses and throaty moans. We were so attuned to each other's needs, our bodies responding readily to the ecstasy we created in our cocoon. It was easy, but no less powerful than the first time. I found solace in his strong arms, a completeness that I only felt when we were together as one.

* * *

 **Spanish translations:**

 _Chabela_ \- nickname for Isabella

 _Mi querido_ \- my dear

 _Un hombre_ \- a man

 _Amablemente_ \- thankfully

 _Mi cielo_ \- my heaven (endearment)

 **Gaelic translations:**

 _Cogadh na Saoirse_ \- Irish War of Independence

 _Domhnach na Fola_ \- Bloody Sunday

 _Mathair_ \- mother

 **Opinions on Carmen, Eleazar, Siobhan? I have pictures of them on the FB page. facebook (dot com)** **/ groups /1533457420295204/**

 **Thoughts about Mike? Who wants to buy a can of mace for Bella?**

 **This is the official half-way mark, for anyone curious.**


	22. Chapter 21

**No copyright infringement intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo (she rocks!) for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, HappyCup, and starsmina for pre-reading.**

 **Things are getting harder this chapter.**

* * *

 _Without hope my body starts to fail  
Memories fade but the scars still linger  
Goodbye my friend  
Will I ever love again  
Memories fade but the scars still linger  
I cannot grow  
I cannot move  
I cannot feel my age  
The vice-like grip of tension holds me fast  
Engulfed by you  
What can I do  
When history's my cage  
Look forward to a future in the past  
Memories fade but the scars still linger _

_~ Tears for Fears, Memories Fade_

* * *

 **April 2010**

Something was off, but I wasn't sure what it was.

It was most likely me.

There was something wrong with me.

I was wrong.

I knew three months wasn't a long time, but I still wasn't pregnant. It's irrational to be so impatient after such a brief time, but it's still there.

That feeling of failure.

I wanted to talk about it with Siobhan, but this was the second week she had missed. I was worried about her. Carmen tried to convince me not to worry, but she was obviously also nervous about her missing so many days. Siobhan was not a young woman, and we both realized we didn't know enough about her to locate her in an emergency.

Leaving the library that day, I was immersed in wondering about the kind old lady that had become my dear friend in the past few months. I sat in the truck for a minute before putting it in reverse and looking in my mirror. What I saw had me slamming on the brakes and throwing it back in park.

 _Fucking Mike_.

Mike was standing across the street. The same Mike that had a restraining order that stated he had to keep 50 feet away from me and my place of employment at all times. I had poor enough spatial reasoning that I wasn't sure how far away he actually was. I was assuming it was past the fifty foot rule.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I shoved my door open, leaving it that way with the ignition still running, and charged to the end of the parking lot. I stood there at the edge of the street and just lost it.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?! You didn't even know me until you became my boss! What could you possibly want from me?! I have never done anything to you but keep my mouth shut when you were treating me like _shit_!"

He stood still, not moving, not blinking. There was no emotion on his face, and nothing at all in his dead eyes.

This pushed me further over the edge.

"God damn it!" I screamed at the top of my lungs in his direction. The next car to pass actually slowed and the driver stared at me out the window. I was shaking, and my head was pounding. I thought I would be sick right there on the sidewalk in front of God, strangers, and my fucking stalker.

Then he laughed.

Full on, that's-the-funniest-thing-I've-ever-seen belly laughter. He bent at the waist and propped his hands on his knees.

That was the first time I realized he had a bald spot on the top of his head.

" _That's_ what I want from you," he said in his terrifying lifeless voice.

I felt a wave of cold wash over me, just like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on my head.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I calmly dialed 911.

Then I called Edward and asked him to meet me at the library while I watched Mike watching me. We were having a stand off across the street from each other.

I tuned out Edward's curses.

I called the library's main number, speaking quickly to Carmen when she answered. She came out immediately, standing right by me and putting an arm around my shoulder.

"What's he doing?" she whispered.

"He's a fucking lunatic!" I shouted. He grinned like this amused him, then turned and walked away into the park.

"Figures," Carmen said.

I filed a report when the police showed up, and as we were finishing Edward pulled in behind the truck. Carmen had long since turned it off and handed me the key. She waited to close the library once he arrived, afraid to leave me alone.

"I lost control, Edward. I was fracturing, and he was laughing at me."

"Fucker left just before the cops came, of course," he muttered. "They told me he's within the limits of the order. Fifty feet is ridiculous for someone like him. It should have been 500."

I let him rant. We would both feel better once we got home.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

Carmen came to me later in that same week, a newspaper in her hand. The look on her face was too much. Too much pain, too much responsibility. I knew how she felt. I was striving for a place of perfection; happy husband, beautiful new house, baby, volunteer of the month. Perfect friend, perfect daughter, perfect wife. Nobody was putting pressure on me but me, yet I couldn't shake the feeling that I was doing everything wrong.

"I have to show you this," she said, and her voice was thick with emotion. Sick dread washed through my belly. She was crying now, and somehow I knew. "It's the obituaries from a few days ago. I j-just started looking, you know? We haven't heard from her, so I looked. I hoped I was wrong, but..."

I looked at the newspaper she was holding out to me. Byrne, that was her last name. Found dead in her home when neighbors had not seen her for a few days. Heart attack in her bed.

That was good, as death goes. Peacefully going in your sleep.

There's nothing peaceful about death for the ones left behind.

Tears were streaming down our faces, and we hugged each other tightly. I needed her support.

One more thing gone wrong.

I was such a mess that I had to take some time to calm down before leaving. Carmen walked me to my truck, and sure enough, Mike was across the street again. I did not bother to yell and scream, just seethed silently in the truck. I wished I could run him over as I pulled out, but he was on the grass. I didn't think it would go very well if I literally mowed over him and the grass of the park.

I called Alice on the way home, and she and Rose showed up shortly after I got to the house. Alice brought wine, Rose brought ice cream.

I had purposely been avoiding Rosalie.

Her pregnant belly, glowing face and shiny hair made me rage with jealousy, and that wasn't fair.

Not to her or to myself.

I needed to admit to myself that it was cathartic to have a good laugh with the girls and gorge on ice cream, getting tipsy on wine.

Edward came home from work to find that the only sober woman in his house was the pregnant one. Luckily, she was going to drive Alice home later. Alice and I were in hysterics, and I couldn't remember what we were laughing about. Edward just smiled indulgently as he left us in the kitchen to change his clothes upstairs.

"I'm going to jump him as soon as you two leave," I said mildly, and Alice laughed loudly.

Rose snorted. "What are you doing for your anniversary?" she asked, digging her spoon deep into her ice cream.

"I don't know," I sighed. "I haven't been in the mood to talk about it, but I suppose it would be nice to get away."

"You should," Alice said. "Lotta shit goin' down here for you. Take a break." She was right. They left half an hour later, Rose promising us to be careful.

As soon as they were gone, I eyed my yummy husband. "Down here or up there?" I asked, assuming he would know what I meant.

He grinned, and it lit up his whole face. "Here," he growled, and moved around the island to trap me against it. His hands went in my hair, and I eagerly tilted my face to his, delighting in the electricity that pulsed between us when we were together like this. He snaked his tongue out, tracing my lower lip before devouring my mouth with his, tongue pushing its way into my mouth. He moved his hands to the hem of my shirt, only breaking the kiss to pull it off over my head. Then his hands moved to my breasts, which caused moans to erupt deep in my throat. My nipples peaked as he rolled them in his fingers, and I reached behind me to unclasp my bra.

He dipped his head to take a nipple into his mouth, and I cried out and held his head to me. He hitched my skirt up to my waist, his warm hands splaying over my hips before he lifted me up to set me on the countertop. I moaned loudly when he dipped his head, pushing my panties aside and kissing my inner thighs. My legs went to his shoulders as his tongue made a sweeping pass up my slit. I cried out when he circled my clit with his thumb, and his impatience made him rip my panties. He licked again, and my hips bucked into his face, my breathing heavy as he teased me with his tongue. My head dropped back and my arms braced behind me.

It didn't take long for me to shudder, my muscles clenching as I called his name. I heard a chuckle and the sound of his zipper, and lifted my head as he came forward, sliding his hard cock into my waiting warmth.

" _Shit_ , Bella," Edward moaned.

"So good," I responded, wrapping my arms around him as he pushed forward and our bodies met in a sweaty dance. He pulled my ass closer to the edge of the counter, and I tilted to receive him at the best angle. It was awkward, but it felt great anyway, and I tangled my hands in his hair when he thrust hard a few last times, my name and a string of curses falling from his full lips. I kissed him as he came, his soft mouth too irresistible.

"I needed you," I admitted. He helped me down, handing me my clothes. I slipped my shirt on without worrying about my bra.

"What happened?"

"Siobhan died. Carmen found it in the obits." Tears escaped my eyes as I said the words out loud. It somehow made it more real.

"Oh, baby." Edward hugged me to him, and I gripped his shirt in my hands.

"Mike was across the street again, but I ignored him. I don't have the energy to deal with him."

"That's what he's counting on, Bella." He sounded angry.

"I'm sure you're right, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction like I did the other day." I snuggled my head under his chin.

"Okay, you're right. Just tell me when he shows up." He stroked his hands down my hair.

"I will." It was a promise I kept breaking as often as I made it.

* * *

 **How are we hanging in? Leave me a review and let me know your thoughts. I know a lot of you are angry at Bella, and that's quite alright.**

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	23. Chapter 22

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of S. Meyer. The original plot is the only thing that belongs to me. All song lyrics and poems are credited, and some are edited for length. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, HappyCup, and starsmina for pre-reading.**

 **A few ups and downs this chapter. Grab a tissue.**

* * *

 _Oh, the bitten mouth, oh, the kissed limbs_

 _oh, the hungering teeth, oh, the entwined bodies._

 _Oh, the mad coupling of hope and force_

 _in which we merged and despaired._

 _And the tenderness, light as water and as flour._

 _And the word scarcely begun on the lips._

 _This was my destiny and in it was my voyage of my longing,_

 _and in it my longing fell, in you everything sank!_

 _~Pablo Neruda, A Song of Despair_

* * *

 **Summer 2010**

As Rose's due date loomed, and my jealousy did not wane, I reflected on the past few months.

Siobhan's funeral was hard on me. Carmen and Eleazar attended with Edward and me, and only a handful of other people were in the pews. Rows of emptiness caused echoes in the tiny church, and served as a reminder of what the end would look like.

Nobody to care, to come to your funeral. A rich life lived to the ninety-second year, and nothing to show but six neighbors and the two librarians and their spouses.

I had no idea where any of her family lived; the poor Irish children that were scattered in the wind when their mother needed help and turned to the wrong person. It seemed wrong that she was found days after her death when a neighbor finally noticed she hadn't seen her in awhile, when somewhere out there she had eight siblings. Of course, they were older than her, so maybe they couldn't be found anywhere save for under a stone marker.

I was struggling.

I was not pregnant, but Rose was going to deliver at any moment. Women came into the library, with ripe bellies and sticky toddlers. I felt envy, then guilt, then despair.

We went to dinner for our anniversary. Edward wanted to take me away, to spend time just the two of us. I couldn't.

My mood was constantly dark, like the clothing choices I now made. Brown, black, navy. In honor of Siobhan's death and my own selfishness. I think Edward was worried about me, but I wouldn't talk about it. Not when I couldn't articulate my feelings to myself, much less my doting husband.

His very nature that I originally fell in love with made the guilt stronger, a vise that never let up. It squeezed my chest until I couldn't breathe.

Mike was across the street most of the days I worked at the library. Carmen and I changed up my schedule so it wasn't predictable, and he continued to get it right about half the time.

I wondered what his life entailed, or didn't, that he could waste so much of it on stalking me.

I didn't tell Edward every time Mike showed up, I couldn't stand the look in his eyes. It was similar to the one I saw every month when I had to tell him I wasn't pregnant. Sadness. Loss, the loss of the idea of _what if it's this time. . ._

Rose gave birth to a pretty little fair-haired girl that she and Emmett named Vera, which means _truth._ Emmett nicknamed her Truvy immediately. He was so proud he crowed to anyone who would listen, and the ladies working the gift shop knew who he was by the end of the day. Every time he left her room he came back with a gift, something for her, something for the baby. Balloons, flowers, and stuffed animals crowded the already overfull space of her hospital room.

I found that there were pockets of time when I was happy, and this was one of them. I could truly be happy for Emmett and Rosalie, and their parents whom I met for the first time. The senior Cullens were there, doting on Vera as though she were their own grandchild. I pushed away the distress that tried to creep in as I thought that I was failing at giving them their very own grandbaby. They loved Emmett as a son, and his wife as a daughter-in-law, which I could attest to being the same as a daughter. So Vera was theirs too, in a way.

When we returned home from visiting them in the hospital, I told Edward I wanted to take a shower to have some time alone. I cried on the floor of the stall, the water turning cold as it pattered over my back and shoulders. We had been given a year by my doctor, an entire year before we were considered infertile and they would run tests.

Almost eight months had passed. That was not a year, and yet it might as well be an eternity.

The library used to be my distraction, but then Siobhan passed away, and Mike kept creeping around, and that was ruined for me. I couldn't find solace at my favorite type of place when _he_ continued to appear. My house was a source of comfort, but then there was that lone empty room upstairs, waiting to be turned into a nursery. The nursery of my dreams, as Edward had once put it.

I let Alice plan Rosalie's nursery with her, claiming I didn't know a thing and wouldn't be useful.

I really had been avoiding them.

I tried to shut down the guilt, to strangle it before it could strangle me.

Edward found me in the shower. I imagine when I didn't emerge and the water continued to run past the normal time a person would stay in the shower, he came searching for me.

He turned off the water, and wordlessly picked me up, ignoring the fact that I was sopping wet. He cradled me to his chest, placing a kiss on my forehead and walking me to our bed. He laid me down gently, grabbing the blanket from the foot of the bed and draping it over me. I shivered uncontrollably as he stretched out alongside my cold body, pulling me to him. His hands chafed my arms, his lips blowing warm breath in my ear as he whispered into it.

"It's okay, sweetheart, it's okay. I'm sorry it's hard, I know it's hard on you. I'm so sorry, Bella."

As it dried, my hair fluttered with every breath he took. This intimacy was what I needed, the knowledge that he most likely had the same feelings swirling around in his gut.

 _Not the same_ , my inner voice whispered viciously. _I was the failure, not him. He wasn't the problem, I was._

 **~~~oOo~~~**

At the end of August, when baby Vera was a month old, we were supposed to be leaving the house to visit them. I'd told Edward I needed to make a pit stop, but it was because I was expecting my period.

Three days before.

I didn't want to be optimistic; I knew I couldn't handle the crushing disappointment if I was wrong. It was always the loudest thought in my head, what cycle day I was on.

I set the timer I was already keeping in the bathroom for all of the ovulation and pregnancy testing that had gone on in there for the better part of a year.

I squeezed my fists tightly together over my stomach as I waited.

Three interminable minutes later, I stood on shaky legs and opened the bathroom door.

"Edward!" I called loudly, my voice cracking. I could hear him as he thumped up the stairs, apparently hurrying at the sound of my voice.

When he appeared, flushed and panting, I held the test in front of his face.

I think I screamed, I know he shouted, and the next thing I knew, he was twirling me around the bedroom, my feet inches from hitting the dresser every time we revolved.

Dizzy, laughing, breathless, crying. Both of us.

We burst through the McCartys' front door after a crazed bout of knocking, and the giddiness could not be contained. Emmett twirled me much the way Edward had done, and Rosalie laughed at us as she carefully burped her tiny infant on her shoulder. Alice and Jasper arrived a few minutes later, and the squeal that came out of Alice's little body could have shattered glass. Instead, it made Vera cry, and Alice was quick to apologize and take her from Rose, soothing and shushing.

I suddenly wanted to hold her, the compact body that was surprisingly heavy and warm. Alice handed her over, and I stared in marvel at the tiny nose, the blue eyes and blonde tufts of hair. Her mouth was a tiny pink circle, and I could only stare in awe.

After Rosalie put Vera down in her crib, she joined us on her living room couch. We talked about her baby, my pregnancy, and what Alice and Jasper had planned for the rest of their lives. I watched Jasper as we talked, and I could tell he was up to something. That was another friendship I'd neglected.

I pulled him aside before we left. "What's going on, Jasper? I saw your face."

He grinned at me. "I'm thinkin' of asking Ali to marry me. What do you think?"

"Yes! You have to, you two are perfect for each other. You've lived together long enough now, I think you know you're compatible," I teased.

"I know," he said sheepishly. "It's just, everythin' was so great, I settled in and saw no reason to rock the boat. I got lazy," he admitted.

I smacked his chest. "Well, fix it, idiot. You've found your soulmate, now marry her already."

He hugged me, and I relaxed into his embrace. "I've missed you, Sunshine."

I sighed. "I know, Jasper. Me, too."

 **~~~oOo~~~**

And so I had the honor of helping him with picking out a ring. It had diamonds, but also multicolored stones to suit Alice's personality. She said yes, of course, and asked why he'd waited so long. She was going to take forever planning the perfect wedding, though, so she didn't have any room to complain about time. I told Jasper he had a good two years to continue being idle.

My birthday came and went, and I allowed some fanfare this year. There were plenty of jokes about me turning a quarter of a century old, and that I'd be Methuselah before the baby was born. It was the first time I'd laughed so much since Christmas, and I felt happy and whole again.

Esme and I started right away working on the nursery. My mom came over one long weekend and helped paint, and they insisted I sit and watch. It was a soft green, and I wasn't fooling anyone with my choice. It was the color of Edward's eyes when I caught him watching me, when he thought I wasn't paying attention.

I was folding the adorable onesie that Renee had brought me when I felt the first twinge. I tried to ignore it, but then I felt another, sharper pinch. Gasping and clutching my abdomen, I tried to breathe deeply.

"Mom?" I called, and it did not go unnoticed that I sounded like a child.

Esme and Renee rushed me to the hospital as Esme called Edward to meet us there. By the time I was wheeled into the little emergency triage room, there was blood pooling at the inseam of my pants, and I knew we were too late.

* * *

 ***Holds hands* Many of you guessed this, but we're not done yet. What are your thoughts?**


	24. Chapter 23

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **I just want to say, the response to last chapter was a bit overwhelming, in a good way. I love that you were willing to share personal stories.**

 **There is a reason for everything, even Bella's miscarriage. It is part of her downward spiral, and she is working on coming back up during this chapter.**

* * *

 _I have to remind myself to breathe-_

 _almost to remind my heart to beat!_

 _~Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights_

* * *

 **Fall/Winter 2010**

The bed was the only place to find me.

I did not want to eat.

I did not want to shower.

I did not want company; not my mother, not Esme, not Edward.

I wanted to drown in my sorrow, to die of it.

First my job. Then Siobhan. Then Mike found me.

Then eight and a half months of trying to get pregnant, and it was all over in less than three months.

They told me the baby was a boy.

They suggested I name him, create a memorial for him so I could grieve properly.

I didn't know there was a right and wrong way to grieve.

Edward would lie with me, for hours at a time. I thought at first he was napping, but found him watching me once when I rolled over.

I could not bear the anguish in his eyes.

He was acting strong for me.

I ruined him. I ruined my husband because my body betrayed me. The despair he tried to hide at the loss of our son was more than I could withstand.

When I finally got tired of myself and got out of bed a week later, I showered mechanically, dressed without thought, and headed down the hall to the stairs. I closed the door to the partially completed nursery on my way.

Edward was surprised to see me, my hair damp and hanging in my face. I was wearing a pair of sweats and an old shirt of his. I liked the way his shirt smelled; it comforted me.

He walked to me, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into him, but did not cry.

I had cried enough, and simply had no more tears left.

"We're going to the specialist next week," I said hoarsely.

"We are?" he asked, surprise in his tone.

"I forgot to cancel the appointment when. . . They said we could come. So that's what we're going to do."

I felt him breathe in and out a handful of times. Neither one of us let go of the other.

"Okay," he finally said.

The specialist went over the results of the tests done on our baby. There was nothing wrong with him.

My body killed him for no reason.

We were set up for the full barrage of tests, and I knew they would find something wrong with me. Edward tried to assure me that it could easily be him, but I didn't think it was. He got me pregnant, and I lost the baby.

Maybe my uterus was inhospitable.

Maybe I was destined not to be a mother, to not have the ability to give Edward the baby I knew he wanted. So desperately.

I called my mother when we got home from the appointment. I wanted her comfort, for her to tell me how she got over her miscarriages. I wanted her to tell me it would all go away, that she had the magic cure. And why she'd had so much trouble.

She told me she never knew why she'd had problems getting pregnant and carrying to term; only time would make me feel better, and that the only true remedy for her was giving birth to me.

I knew she meant to help, but this made me feel worse.

Edward wanted to discuss other options. Surrogacy and adoption were terms I wasn't ready to hear.

Getting pregnant consumed my thoughts until I felt like a useless human. I was back to avoiding Rose and Emmett, Alice and Jasper. I couldn't seem to do anything but wander around the library, staring at the young mothers at story hour. Carmen insisted I take some time. She joked that I would be saving her money.

I didn't see Mike the two times I tried to go in, and I was extremely grateful for that small favor.

As far as Mike went, Edward told me that the college had emailed him the security footage from the parking garage. It clearly showed Mike harassing me, lurking near my truck until I showed up and trying more than once to touch me. After extensive interviews with other personnel, the conclusion was that Jessica Stanley and Mike had acted in collusion; in fact, at this very moment they were engaged to be married. Mike had apparently had several classes with me in college, and had always wanted to date me. He hated that I had never been interested in him; I didn't even remember him. Jessica's motivations were still blurry.

The pair of them were fired from the university, and the vice president offered me my job back.

I declined.

I couldn't even work for free at the library without acting like a zombie. There was no way I could go back to the University of Washington and help with admissions again.

I didn't know what to do with myself.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

Christmas was coming up, and I heard Alice telling Rose that they had to put away the baby things they'd bought me for the holidays. They were all visiting; Edward was trying to dig me out of my funk.

I was heading to the kitchen for a drink when I heard them. I stood very still and very quiet, then turned and walked back to the sunroom without my drink. I did not want to dwell on the sadness that consumed me, not anymore. There was snow on the ground outside the window, which was framed with white fairy lights. I admitted to myself that it was lovely, and my eyes went to Edward sitting in an armchair by one of the windows. He was lovely as well, so I went to him and sat in his lap. He smiled sweetly at me, kissing my forehead and tangling our fingers together as we listened to Jasper strum on his guitar.

In an effort to bond with Edward- since I had been inside my own mind and absent from our marriage- I laid my head on his shoulder, kissing his neck. He tightened his grip on me, and I felt that he meant to show appreciation for my effort.

I suddenly couldn't wait for our guests to leave.

It had been two months since my miscarriage, and I had not been intimate with my husband in that time. I realized with a surge of lust that I desired him and that connection that we created when we were together alone. I traced the sharp edge of his jaw with my tongue, then moved to give attention to the shell of his ear.

"I want you to make love to me," I breathed in his ear, silent as the wind.

He squirmed in the chair, trying to adjust his pants, which only brought his hand to my ass. Which he cupped in one hand, kneading and fondling before grasping the blanket tossed over the back of the chair, settling it over the both of us. I couldn't see his face, only his jawline and up to one eye, but I saw the muscles working in that portion of his face. He slipped his hands free, one holding my hip to keep me in place on his lap, the other moving to the juncture of my pants. He stroked, and I held my breath to keep from whimpering.

Jasper transitioned into another song as Alice and Rose came in from the kitchen. I closed my eyes and inhaled the warm scent of Edward, something I'd missed without even realizing it. Now I craved it the same as I craved his flesh sliding against mine.

Emmett belted out the words to the carol Jasper played, and I listened to the ladies chime in. Rose held little Truvy and bounced her on her lap as she giggled.

Edward continued to stroke insistently between my legs. It was not going to get me off, but it certainly riled me up. I breathed deeply, allowing the pure scent of Edward to fill my lungs and cleanse my soul.

As soon as the door closed behind our beloved guests, Edward turned to me in the foyer. "Are you sure, love?" There was enough tender emotion in his face and his eyes that I swear my heart fell out of my chest and at his feet.

I nodded. "Remind me."

"Remind you?" he asked, his thumbs grazing my cheeks.

"Of how to live, how to breathe fully and be loved by you."

He picked me up, sweeping his arms under my legs and cradling me to his chest. I nestled my head over his heart, listening to its accelerated beating as he climbed the stairs and went into our bedroom. He set me on my feet, watching me as if unsure of where to begin. I was equally unsure, and simply started by pulling my sweatshirt off over my head, dragging down my yoga pants and yanking off my socks at the same time.

When I stood before him in a black sports bra and boy shorts, he stepped closer to me, his hands on my jaw as he leaned in for a kiss. He was tentative and slow, and that was good for me. I gripped his shirt in my hands, fisting them over his back. He broke away from our kiss, grasping a handful of his shirt from over his head, pulling it off and tossing it aside. He met me again for another kiss, and his bare chest felt wonderful under my palms. The smattering of wiry hair tickled, the strong, smooth planes enticed. I moaned as he deepened the kiss, using his hands to angle my head and plunging his tongue deeply into my mouth.

My legs rubbed together, trying to find the friction that was sure to give me release. I pushed at Edward's pants until they pooled at his knees, and he reached down and drug them off over his feet. My hands went to his boxers, stroking his hardness through the soft material. He was the one to moan as I touched and explored, and reacquainted myself with the feel of him.

His arms went around me, and he held me close for a brief second before stepping over to the bed and pulling me with him. I sat, looking up at him as he loomed over me. His gaze burned into mine, and I reached for him. He crawled up the bed on his knees, causing me to lean back and lay underneath him. His tongue explored my neck and collarbone, sucking and swirling and causing a warm flush to rise on my skin.

Shifting us, moving to line up side by side, we watched each other as hands roamed. I worked my bra over my head, sighing and gasping as his hands covered my breasts, kneading, tugging my nipples. Arching, breathing heavily, I worked on lowering his underwear. Pushing him onto his back, I lowered myself over his waist, using my mouth and tongue to make him writhe. When he grabbed my shoulders, I moved up the bed again, and he made quick work of my panties.

"Please, Edward. I just want you inside me," I stated breathlessly.

He smiled, hovering over my body, and I curled around him. Arms around his neck, legs around his waist. I urged him toward me, my head tilted back as I felt his cock at my entrance after such a long time.

"No begging, Bella." He inched his way in carefully, pressing his thumb to my clit and circling. "Don't ever beg."

"Ohhhh. . ." I moaned deeply as he slipped fully inside. My body readjusted slowly, discomfort moving into pleasure.

"Balls deep, Bella," he said in my ear as he pulled out and pushed all the way back in. "Do you feel that?"

I whimpered in response, too far gone to form words. I missed him, missed this. I needed the connection to him, for my soul to meet his in the most carnal way.

His gentle thrusts continued, his pace slow and measured. His thumb continued to circle slowly, and I felt my orgasm building deep in my pelvis. I arched again, and he kissed my nipple, sucking the bud into his hot mouth. His wet tongue swirled at the same pace as his thumb, and I felt myself come undone.

Moaning, calling his name and using the Lord's in vain, I fell apart beneath Edward. Deeply and thoroughly satisfied, I grasped his firm ass as he sped his movements, and when he exploded within me, he groaned and cursed, clenching his muscles and stilling his body.

We lay silently for several minutes, the only sound in the room our breathing as it slowed to normal. I enjoyed his weight covering me, and soaked up as much of the feeling as I could.

He finally turned his head from where it was buried in my neck, kissing my cheek before pushing up and looking down at me.

"I love you. I always will."

Tears came to my eyes. "I missed you," I whispered, admitting and apologizing simultaneously.

"I missed you, too. This was perfect," he said.

I didn't want to move, but needed to clean up. As if he heard my thoughts, Edward shifted and rolled off me, standing and offering his hand.

We spent the evening curled in front of the fireplace, eating a light dinner quietly together, just enjoying each other's company.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

Looking back, I could see that I was obsessed with the timing of our sex life, now that we were trying again.

When my parents wanted to visit in January, I checked my ovulation calendar before agreeing on a time frame. I didn't want to sneak around with Edward during the most fertile time of my cycle.

Of course, he wanted to have sex whenever he was in the mood, and I wanted him to wait so as not to waste anything.

I felt a little unstable.

I set up the guest room for Mom and Dad, as we planned to spend one on one time together. I'd visited with my mom in September, but nothing more than holiday visits since then. It was becoming a tradition for them to visit in January, for Dad to take time off work and to settle in for a few weeks.

We had a dinner party with our friends, invited Carlisle and Esme, and explored our island community. Mom and I went to the library and chatted with Carmen; I had resumed volunteering after Christmas. Eleazar even stopped in when Carmen told him my mom was coming by. He was quite charming, and Renee loved a flirty man.

Charlie and Edward went fishing again, spent time with Carlisle hiking in the National Forest, and puttered around the house fixing things. They painted one of the bathrooms, installed new shelves in a closet, and put together a new bookcase for the sunroom as a surprise.

Mom and I made dinner together after the men labored over filling the bookcase, and we sat down in the dining room, watching the snowfall outside the windows. I didn't have everything, but in that moment it felt as though I did.

"Just wait until later, Charlie," my mom said suggestively.

"Later? For what?" I asked obliviously.

Charlie shook his head vehemently, his already ruddy complexion pinkening around his ears. "Don't ask, Bella, have you learned _nothing_ in 25 years about your mother?" he said in a pained voice.

"I'm going to repay him for all that he's done around here to help you and Edward," Renee stated, very matter of fact. "You should do the same with your husband."

"Oh! Stop talking, Mom, geez," I muttered, embarrassed not to have caught on sooner.

Edward chuckled, but Dad was coughing. Renee smiled pleasantly at us. It never bothered her to talk openly about sex.

I sighed. Yeah, it felt pretty close to everything.

* * *

 **I love Renee. This is Bella's last chapter for awhile, so I'll see you Sunday with EPOV, lovelies.**

 **One question a few asked last chapter: Why didn't Bella call the police when Mike showed up? She called them twice; once when he almost touched her and they filed a restraining order, and then again when he appeared across the street and she yelled at him. He's not violating the restraining order, and there would be nothing the police could do.**

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	25. Chapter 24

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **sueIZide said, Bella's performing, not living. I found this to be a perfect description.**

 ****Grab the whole box of Kleenex****

* * *

 _There'll be days your heart don't wanna beat  
You pray more than you breathe  
And you just wanna fall to pieces  
And you just need a break  
Break on me_

 _Shatter like glass_  
 _Come apart in my hands_  
 _Take as long as it takes_  
 _Break on me_  
 _Put your head on my chest_  
 _Let me help you forget_  
 _When your heart needs to break_  
 _Just break on me_

 _~Keith Urban, Break On Me_

* * *

 **February 2011**

 **EPOV**

There were plenty of aspects of our lives that were better. Bella was able to resume her volunteering at the library, and was happier for it. She'd let up on scheduling sex, which my cock and I were grateful for. To be more specific, she jumped me on a regular basis, like we used to do when we were first married. My career was on an upswing; I'd successfully predicted a surge in stock prices, and the many clients that were on board with me were thrilled at the extra money. I was flexible in my work hours, and enjoyed coming home early occasionally to find my wife willing to get crazy.

That didn't mean I missed the disappointment in her eyes when she still got her period every month. I knew it disturbed her, the way the words 'unexplained infertility' confused and frustrated her. There was no specific cause, nothing she could tackle with science and determination. But it didn't depress her the way it did before.

At least that was what I thought. It turned out that I was wrong, that she was trying so hard to be happy, to be normal for me, that she suppressed her feelings at the cost of her mental health.

That's hindsight.

In the moment, she and I were carefree, enjoying our newly contented life. I came home early on a rainy, ugly Thursday afternoon with the expectation that I would find my lovely Bella and then thoroughly fuck her. Seemed like an excellent plan to me.

I found her in the sunroom, curled up in the armchair reading. She smiled when she saw me come in the room.

"Gross out there, isn't it?" she observed, stretching up to accept my kiss.

"Mmm. You weren't caught in it, were you?"

"No, the library was deserted, so I came home about lunch time."

I tugged on her hand until she stood with me. I brushed her hair away from her face, my hands lingering on her jaw as I leaned in for a deeper kiss. Her arms circled my waist, her small hands gripping my shirt. I loved the way she did that, as though she couldn't get close enough.

I broke away, sighing in contentment and resting my forehead on hers. My thumbs smoothed over her cheeks.

"I missed you while I was sitting here all alone," she said, and I wondered how she made those simple words sound so sexy.

"I missed you, too, that's why I came home early." The more we had sex, the more horny I was for her. It flamed my appetite instead of satisfying it.

She kneaded her hands over my back, running them up to the back of my neck, straining on her toes to reach. I helped her out by leaning down, and found the side of her neck with my tongue. I put my hands in her hair, pulling out the elastic and running my fingers through her chestnut waves.

I licked behind her ear where she was sensitive, and she gripped my neck, making little mewling sounds. I moved my hands to her breasts, caressing, rolling her nipples through her shirt and causing her to squirm.

I heard the phone ringing in the kitchen, but I ignored it. Most people called our cell phones, so I assumed it was a solicitor.

I kissed Bella again, running my tongue across her lower lip, then slipping it into her mouth to stroke against hers.

The phone started ringing again. "Ugh, maybe I should get that," I said half-heartedly.

She giggled. "No way, it's a wrong number. Go back to kissing me."

I laughed, and the ringing stopped. Bella's hands went to my waistband, slipping inside and working over my ass.

The phone started ringing again. I shifted away from her, now feeling concerned. "Let me see who it is in case it's important," I said.

"What could be more important than this?" she asked, making a grab for my ass as I walked into the kitchen. "Tell Alice she has horrible timing."

I was laughing as I snatched up the phone. "Hello?"

I sobered immediately as I listened to the male voice on the other end of the line, not believing what I was hearing. I looked to Bella, and wondered what she saw on my face. She was watching me carefully, all trace of humor gone.

"Ed-Edward?" she whispered. She crossed her arms over her chest defensively, her body folding inward.

"I'll pass on the news, Deputy." I saw her flinch, watched as her face crumpled and the tears started falling.

"Yes, okay. We'll see you there." She was already shaking her head as I hung up the phone and faced her fully.

"No." Her head shook violently, and I felt tears tracking down my own face as I reached for her. She stepped back. "Whatever it is, don't you dare say it. I can't take _anything else_ , Edward!"

"Baby-"

"NO!" she screamed brokenly. She backed up until she stumbled, and I rushed forward and caught her. She clutched desperately to my shirt, her tears staining the front of it. I laid my cheek on her hair, and I cried with her.

"It's bad, isn't it?" she said so quietly I almost didn't hear it.

"It's bad, yes."

"Your family, or mine? They're all my family, what does it matter?" she moaned.

I took a very deep breath, bracing myself for the blow I was about to deliver and squeezing her trembling body closer to mine. "We should sit."

"Just fucking say it!" she yelled, leaning away from my embrace. I silently let her scream at me, took the brunt of her feelings onto myself. I could stand the weight of the anguish better than she. "It's fucking _awful_ either way, so just fucking spit it _out_!"

"It's your parents," I blurted out. I felt miserable as she gasped, her head shaking fiercely again. Her whole body was shaking, as though the negative response could reverse the horror I was about to deliver. "They were in a car accident."

"Oh, God," she cried out, crushing herself to me again. I held on until the weight of the sorrow was finally too much, until my legs gave out, then I cradled her body to me, rocking as we sat there on the floor, and her tears turned to sobs. She didn't speak again, and I gave her time to absorb what I'd said. I wasn't finished, but I thought she knew anyway.

"We need to go to Forks, love." She sobbed and nodded her head, but didn't move to get up. "Sweetheart. . ." I didn't want to say the rest. The words were stuck, and I felt as if they were burning my throat.

"P-please j-just d-don't s-say it," she whispered brokenly, air gasping out of her mouth with the words. "L-let me p-p-pretend it's not-not true, at l-least until we get there."

I was quiet, waiting for her to be ready to move. She sniffled, wiping her nose with her hand. I reached for the tissues on the counter, leaning up with her in my lap. I handed her the box, and she clutched it like a lifeline.

The drive to Forks was unbearable. The heavy rain, the clogged roads, and the weight of the unspoken truth hung over our heads like a guillotine. I was on edge as we pulled into the parking lot of the police station. It was dark, and the lights blurred and shined in hideous patterns as we made our way inside. I tried to protect Bella with the umbrella, but she didn't seem to notice the rain.

The deputy I'd spoken to, Mark, stepped up when he saw us approach. "Bella, I'm-"

"Don't," she choked out. She put her hands up, warding him off. "I know what you're supposed to do and say, but please just don't. I am barely holding it together right now, and I. . ." She shook her head hard, her breathing coming in short gasps. I hugged her to me.

The deputy sighed a little, scrubbed his hand over his jaw, and looked at Bella carefully. "I've done everything. . . I just need your signature." He motioned to his desk and the papers and pen already set out.

Bella disentangled herself from my arms, walking over to the desk on unsteady legs. I followed, watching her. She picked up the pen, pausing to take an unsteady breath. She signed where the sticky arrow was, then flipped the page and signed again. There were about five pages, and she signed them all without ever reading them.

"Do you need anything else?" she asked him tonelessly. "Right now, I mean."

"No, everything can wait. I took the liberty of booking you a room at the bed and breakfast." Mark shifted his weight, looking closely at Bella. She was gnawing on her lip, and her hands were trembling. She brushed a tear away with her shaking fingers, then clasped my hand in hers so tightly that my hand shook with the force.

"Thank you," she whispered, then looked to me. The depth of emotion in her eyes nearly broke me.

I went through the motions of driving us to the Forks Inn, checking in and leading her to our room. She undressed mechanically, washing her face and falling into the bed in her underwear and one of my t-shirts. I crawled in next to her, pulling her trembling body close to mine in the only way I knew how to give comfort.

As time passed, I thought she'd fallen asleep, until she startled me with a loud, sorrowful wail.

My heart shattered as the dam opened, letting out the despair she had been trying so hard to hold in.

* * *

 **Breathe deep, and feel free to tell me what you think.**

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	26. Chapter 25

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading. You ladies helped me a bunch on writing the first half.**

 **You know how a roller coaster reaches its pinnacle, then goes plummeting?** **I'm issuing another tissue warning.**

* * *

 _Lay beside me, tell me what they've done  
Speak the words I wanna hear, to make my demons run  
The door is locked now, but it's opened if you're true  
If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you_

 _Lay beside me, under wicked sky_  
 _Through black of day, dark of night, we share this paralyze_  
 _The door cracks open but there's no sun shining through_  
 _Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through_  
 _No, there's no sun shining through_  
 _No, there's no sun shining..._

 _Come lay beside me, this won't hurt, I swear_  
 _She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again_  
 _She lay beside me but she'll be there when I'm gone_  
 _Black heart scarring darker still, yes, she'll be there when I'm gone_  
 _Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone_  
 _Dead sure she'll be there..._

 _Lay beside me, tell me what I've done_  
 _The door is closed, so are your eyes_  
 _But now I see the sun, now I see the sun_  
 _Yes, now I see it_

 _What I've felt, what I've known_  
 _Turn the pages, turn the stone_  
 _Behind the door, should I open it for you?_

 _What I've felt, what I've known_  
 _So sick and tired, I stand alone_  
 _Could you be there? 'Cause I'm the one who waits,_  
 _The one who waits for you..._

 _~ Metallica, The Unforgiven II_

* * *

 **March 2011**

The memorial service was absolutely brutal. It was her parents' wish to be cremated, so at least Bella was spared seeing their bodies. Mark had identified them for the coroner and done all of the paperwork, but we still had to work with the station on the final planning.

Bella was not present, not in any real way. It seemed she had retreated inside her head, shutting down her emotions. I called the funeral home, the florist, a caterer for afterwards. I'd called their estate planner, made arrangements to have their house closed up once we were done. Anything I had asked Bella's opinion on, she'd answered that I could do whatever I wanted.

She sat in the chair in the hotel room, not getting up, not eating, and barely responding when I spoke to her. I cajoled her into eating, but she only nibbled.

I expected it to be bad, for this sort of thing to be hard on her. I didn't expect her to be so absent.

Carlisle came to help me, and Esme tried to talk to Bella, but wound up sitting quietly next to her, holding her hand. I was grateful to have them there; the idea that your parents won't live forever is too much to dwell on, but I hugged them more tightly, incredibly reluctant to let go.

Alice and Jasper arrived next, checking in to the Inn and finding our room. Bella wouldn't speak to them either, merely accepting their hugs and resuming staring out the window. Jasper tried to fill the silence with chatter, but it grated on my ears after so much quiet.

When Emmett and Rose showed up with little Vera, I finally saw some animation in my wife. It was impossible not to smile at an adorable, precocious nine month old, blonde curls bouncing as she tried to walk around holding on to the furniture. Her blue eyes were huge in her doll-like face, and she babbled away, offering toys and her sippy cup to Bella. I watched as Bella spoke softly to her, a gentle smile on her face.

It didn't last.

I helped her dress for the service, brushing her hair and offering her tissues when she teared up again. She cried endlessly that day, no matter what I said or did. The small town crowded the cemetery for their police chief and his wife, sobbing at the idea that a drunk driver caused such devastation. People offered condolences, which Bella robotically accepted. I tried to be gracious in her stead, but after awhile I was equally as robotic.

Bella flinched with each shot of the 21 gun salute and when Taps was playing tears continued to stream down her face. The interim Chief pulled his radio from his shoulder.

"5-4…5-4…Calling number 5-4…This is the last call for radio number 5-4. No response from Chief Charlie Swan. Radio number 5-4 is out of service after 34 years and 4 months of police service. Although you are gone, you will never be forgotten. Rest in peace, our friend. 10-42, end of watch."

There was nothing stopping the flow of tears that streamed down my face.

I spotted Mike Newton standing in the parking lot as we left, speaking to guests as they left as though he belonged with the family. I caught my father's eye, and he spoke quickly to Esme, who came and put her arms around a still-crying Bella.

My father and I walked calmly up to Mike, waiting silently as he finished talking to someone. When he was through, I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to me, first with curiosity in his eyes, then recognition, and finally a kind of evil I've never seen before spread over his face. He looked to Bella over my shoulder, then sneered at me.

"How ya doin', Bella?" he asked. She turned and buried her face in Esme's shoulder. "Your mom's sweater was real pretty. Shame it had to end up with all that blood on it."

She gasped and snapped her eyes to his.

I'd had enough of the fear he put on her face. I held on to that look as I pulled my arm back, letting my fist fly with all of my pent-up anger at the way he'd treated my wife.

It was immensely satisfying to hear and feel the crunch under my fist as I broke his nose.

Carlisle rested his hand on my shoulder as I stepped back, watching as Mike doubled over, the blood pouring from his nose and dripping onto his shirt as he struggled to breathe. I think I heard him laughing.

"Don't _ever_ come near Bella or my family _again_ ," I growled fiercely. When I turned, I realized that Emmett and Jasper were standing behind my father with two Forks deputies. I flexed my hand, enjoying the pain that meant I'd finally gotten the chance to lay that fucker out. I watched the deputies move toward Mike and speak to him before one pulled out his cuffs, then turned my back on them.

The rest of the day blurred by as we invited everyone to the Swan house. I could tell how hard it was on my wife, and I kept an arm around her as much as I could. We spent one more day in Forks before going back home.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

 **April 2011**

Bella was always either in bed or in a chair, staring at the wall or out the window. I couldn't get her to talk to me anymore. She skipped any form of hygiene and almost never ate. Her face was sallow, her eyes dull and sunken. I was very worried about her as March came and went.

I pleaded with her to speak to a counselor, a psychiatrist, even just our friends. She would just shake her head no. I found myself yelling at her, hoping for any kind of reaction.

I started working from home at the beginning of April, just to keep an eye on her. Emmett kept me in touch with what was happening in the office and if a client needed a face-to-face, he took the meeting for me.

As the days ticked by, I suddenly realized it was our second anniversary and Bella hadn't really spoken to me in about two months. I couldn't take it anymore, and searched until I found her upstairs in the bed. Frustrated, angry, and fed up, I walked to her side of the bed and yanked the covers off.

Bella looked up at me, blinking rapidly. She looked ill, and my fury stuttered. "Bella," I pleaded, much more gently than I first intended. She merely stared at me. "I know you're hurting, and Lord knows I'm aware how bad it's been for you." I knelt by the bed, running my hands through my hair and pulling on the ends. "The thing is. . .have you thought about me _at all?_ I know you refuse to think of your own health, but has it occurred to you how hard this is on _me_?"

I felt like such a dick as her eyes welled up with tears. I'd hoped to gain a reaction, but not to make her feel worse. I sighed, scrubbing my face and trying to clear my head.

"At least have a shower and something to eat. It's been so long since you've done either. You're so thin, I'm worried about your health." When she still just looked at me, I went with the low blow. "It's our anniversary, Bella. This is not how I pictured the next year starting off." Something flickered in her eyes, hopefully a recognition for what I was saying. "Come on, please? I can't stand to be without you anymore. I miss my wife."

I held my hands out to her, shocked when she took them in hers. I helped her sit up, giving her time to adjust. I was so relieved that she was cooperating that I didn't think past my own agenda. After a few minutes, I picked her up, carrying her into the bathroom and setting her on the closed toilet as I started the shower.

I adjusted the water; even though she loves it hot, I was worried about burning her because she was so frail. I turned back to her, helping her stand and stripping her shirt and sweatpants. She was lifeless, a human shell just letting me go through the motions.

Squashing my own feelings, I urged her into the shower, soaping her hair and eventually stepping in with her to wash her off.

When she was clean, I handed her the toothbrush she kept in the shower, and was pleased when she took it and used it. There was more life in her eyes as we finished and turned off the water. I dried her off and wrapped her up in a towel, dragging off my own wet clothes.

I was stunned when I felt her arms around me, her small form pressed to my back. She was damp against my skin and her breath was hot on my shoulder blade. I turned in her arms, crushing her to me. I breathed in her clean hair, holding her tightly. I wasn't surprised when tears pricked my eyes and dripped onto her head.

She cleared her throat. "I'm so empty, Edward." Her voice was whispery, almost nonexistent. "Fill me up. _Please_ , Edward."

Unsure, I stood frozen in my spot. It seemed like a bad idea. It was wrong.

" _Please_!" Her voice rose in a wheedling tone. "I _need_ you, _please_ , Edward."

I could never deny her anything, but hearing her beg almost killed me. "Are you sure?" I breathed.

She nodded against my skin. I lifted her gently, carrying her back to the bed. I frowned, thinking of how dirty the sheets must be. Setting her on her feet, I used one hand to pull the comforter up to the top, keeping the other hand on Bella in case she wasn't strong enough to stand alone.

She climbed onto the bed, smiling serenely up at me. I was still conflicted, but she opened the towel, tossing it away and beckoning to me. I wasn't sure what I was most ashamed of; the fact that I was agreeing to this, or that for once I was not aroused by my wife.

I settled on the bed next to her, running my hands soothingly up and down her body. Her arms, her legs, her belly. She quivered, shifting her legs, as I finally touched her breasts. Hesitantly, I stroked around each breast, then back to her throat, her arms. She rolled to face me, and I rubbed over her back. I was trying to relax, soothe, and reconnect, more than I was trying to entice.

She started to reach for me, then pulled back. She started again, this time connecting her fingertips to the skin of my abdomen. My body reacted, the muscles contracting and tensing, my dick now eager to play. It seemed I would always be attracted to Bella, and it took no more than her presence and her light touch to turn me on. I hissed as her hands roamed lower, seeking the hardening flesh between my legs. Tentative, hesitant touches and strokes flowed between us, like water over river rocks. Panting, kissing, low moans and loud sighs filled the air until I loomed over her, and she looked as gorgeous to me as the day we met. I gently slipped into her warmth, feeling her walls contract. She moaned quietly, and I felt like a new man after I'd starved so long for her affection.

Bella spurred me on with her delicate hands, clutching at my body as she trembled beneath me. I moved slowly, carefully, still afraid to hurt her. I braced one hand by her head, the other stroking her skin, tweaking a nipple, sliding down until I worked over her clit, feeling the corresponding flutters of her pussy. She was close, I could always tell, so I leaned down and captured her nipple in my mouth, gently biting down as my fingers circled and hips moved in and out.

High pitched, keening and sexy, Bella came undone in my arms. I followed her orgasm with my own, then rolled to her side and held her closely for several minutes until I heard her breathing even out as she fell asleep. I lay there awake, wondering what the fuck I had just done.

* * *

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	27. Chapter 26

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **We're joining Edward inside his head. This song was on repeat when I was writing this chapter, and many others.**

* * *

 _From walking home and talking loads_  
 _To seeing shows in evening clothes with you_  
 _From nervous touch and getting drunk_  
 _To staying up and waking up with you_

 _But now we're slipping at the edge_  
 _Holding something we don't need_  
 _All this delusion in our heads_  
 _Is gonna bring us to our knees_

 _From throwing clothes across the floor_  
 _To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you_  
 _If this is all we're living for_  
 _Why are we doing it anymore?_

 _I used to recognize myself_  
 _It's funny how reflections change_  
 _When we're becoming something else_  
 _I think it's time to walk away_

 _Trying to fit your hand inside of mine_  
 _When we know it just don't belong_  
 _There's no force on earth_  
 _Could make it feel right, no_

 _Trying to push this problem up the hill_  
 _When it's just too heavy to hold_  
 _Think now's the time to let it slide_

 _So come on, let it go_  
 _Just let it be_  
 _Why don't you be you_  
 _And I'll be me_  
 _Everything that's broke_  
 _Leave it to the breeze_

 _Let the ashes fall_

 _Forget about me_

 _~James Bay, Let It Go_

* * *

 **May 2011**

I had failed.

I thought pushing and prodding, if done with love, was the answer. I invited our friends over, and Bella flew into a rage, shouting that nobody understood. She threw things, broke things.

Shattered my heart.

Rose was the only one to stick, to speak to her quietly. Bella had a conversation with her, but quickly resumed hiding in her shell. Rosalie told me to give Bella some time, said she was going through the grief process. Told me to be more understanding.

How the fuck more understanding was I expected to be?

My anger and resentment was turned in on myself. I couldn't fix her, love her enough, wake her up from her nightmare. I was no good for her. She was unhappy with me, couldn't stand the sight of me. She would avert her eyes when I came into the room. She got up more often, changed the sheets, showered. Ate. But refused to look me in the eyes.

I did this to her, by pushing her into having sex with me on our anniversary. It was just that I was so lonely. I missed the comfort of my wife's arms; I yearned to feel her skin against mine, to join together in the way that we used to when it meant we were showing our love for one another.

Now, she hated the sight of me. I avoided my own eyes in the mirror, so I couldn't really blame her. All along, I'd thought we were overcoming everything thrown our way; I'd thought that we were stronger together.

Turns out I was the problem, just like in my previous relationship. What did I expect when I was such an idiot, knowing it was just the same as when Tanya cheated on me. I was to blame for all of it. I was inadequate, like she'd always said. I'd thought I could be better, try harder for Bella. I thought we were doing just that, but life kept getting in the way. Her parents' deaths were really the catalyst to show her where I was going wrong. I screwed everything up, until she couldn't take it anymore, and retreated inside her own mind to avoid me.

I was making her miserable. I was making myself miserable. What the hell were we doing? What was I thinking?

I spent a lot of time talking to Emmett. Rose insisted I was being an idiot, that the problem wasn't me. I disagreed. Emmett didn't think I was the problem, just that Bella and I weren't happy, and I was spending all of my energy trying to fix something that was too broken to be fixed.

So what was the answer?

How could I make it right? How could I make Bella happy again, when she was miserable to be around me? I went back to the office, or sometimes just sat on a park bench and thought of my life. My marriage. I went to the library and talked to Carmen, who told me to wish Bella the best, and that she'd love to see her healthy and back to volunteering. I spoke to Alice and Jasper, and my parents. Everybody told me it wasn't my fault. But no one could tell me whose fault it actually was, or where to go from here. Did I stick with the decision I'd made two years ago, just because my vows said to, or did I leave Bella the room she needed to be happy?

I knew the answer, but I couldn't find it in myself to admit it out loud. I was afraid of hurting Bella more, of making things worse, of ruining my life more than I already had.

I spoke to my dad, who told me I was more than welcome to stay with them for a bit. I thought that was a good idea, though I'd need to be closer to the city if I was thinking long term.

 _Oh my God_ , was I thinking long term?

Was I actually thinking to myself that I was going to leave my wife, dissolve our marriage, after only two years?

Was I admitting to failure so quickly?

But I was a failure. I'd failed to follow up on my end of the vows. Bella wasn't happy, or well taken care of, and I was only making her life worse by sticking around.

But was there another solution? Rose told me to get my head out of my ass, and stick it out. Was that just in reaction to her having hated Tanya so much? She didn't realize that I really was that horrible, that I had taken advantage of my wife in a depressed state. She was being a loyal friend, but that didn't make her right.

I was failing at my marriage, therefore failing at my life. I needed to disentangle Bella from my mistakes and give her the chance to start over, as if I'd never come along and propositioned her that day on the pier. I needed to move on so Bella could move on.

As I made my decision, I felt a terrible pain gripping my chest. It was so strong, my knees buckled and I went down. I clutched at my shirt over my heart, gasping in air and trying to see past the blurriness. I found my cell phone in my pocket and dialed 911.

The paramedics found me doubled over in the foyer of my office building, the receptionist and several employees hovering, offering me water and to help me lie down. The people and sounds were confusing, the constriction overtaking all else. I knew when they loaded me up, could feel the blood pressure cuff and needles in my arm. I heard someone speaking to me, telling me what they were doing. I couldn't seem to quite make out their words; it was as if their speech was slurred.

When I'd been at the hospital for a few minutes, or hell, maybe hours, I heard my father's voice.

"Edward!" There was so much terror in the frantic way he said my name.

"Dad? Why are you here?" I couldn't really see him, could only turn my head in the direction of his voice.

"I'm consulting on a case. Imagine my shock when I heard a nurse say your name. Are you alright? What happened?" His hands touched me, roaming, looking for answers.

"I really don't know. . .Everything is cloudy, muffled. There's a pain. . ." I pressed my hand to my chest again.

"Jesus, you're not having a heart attack, are you?" I heard rustling noises. "Hmm, no, your readout doesn't suggest that." While Carlisle hummed and muttered under his breath, the nurse came back in and told me to take some pills.

"What are those?" I heard Carlisle bark.

"Uh-um, they-they're, ah, nitroglycerin tabs?" I tried to focus on her form, and she came more clearly into view.

"That's not necessary, look at his ECG. There's no evidence of myocardial infarction, so nitro would not be indicated." I heard paper rattling, and Carlisle came into sharper focus.

"I'm following the doctor's orders, Mr. . ." She was intimidated, but trying not to show it.

" _Dr._ Cullen." I could hear the impatience in his voice.

"Oh. If you want to speak to Dr. Gerandy, you can take this up with him."

"I would be glad to. I'll track him down myself." Now he sounded dismissive. I heard the door snick closed, and then it was silent except for the beeping of the machine.

"Dad?"

"Yes, Edward."

"If it's not a heart attack, why am I in so much pain?" To my own ears, I sounded like a little boy.

He sighed, then I heard a scraping sound. He touched my forehead with his hand. "I think you had a panic attack. You've been under so much stress. . ."

I suddenly understood. I made a monumental decision, and then had a panic attack. It felt so much like my heart was imploding in my chest.

"You need to take it easy. I'll look for the doctor so you don't wind up with meds you don't need." The scraping noise again, then, surprisingly, his lips on my head.

I swallowed. "Thanks, Dad," I whispered, tears leaking out from the corners of my eyes and down into my ears.

The nurse came in after a while, and I found that my vision was improved. She handed me some papers and I looked at them as she went about pulling the IV needle out of my arm.

 _10 Ways To Reduce Stress._ I laughed to myself, thinking that I would not find _don't leave your wife after failing miserably in your marriage_ anywhere on that sheet. Once I was cleared to leave, I found my father, who told me to go home and take it easy. He also told me to call him when I needed him.

I knew I would be calling him very soon.

* * *

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	28. Chapter 27

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **This is the prologue, from Edward's POV.**

* * *

 _Another day in this carnival of souls_  
 _Another night settles in as quickly as it goes_  
 _The memories of shadows, ink on the page_  
 _And I can't seem to find my way home_

 _And it's almost like_  
 _Your heaven's trying everything_  
 _To keep me out_

 _All the places I've been and things I've seen_  
 _A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams_  
 _The faces of people I'll never see again_  
 _And I can't seem to find my way home_

 _Cause it's almost like_  
 _Your heaven's trying everything to break me down_  
 _Cause it's almost like_  
 _Your heaven's trying everything to keep me out_

 _Your heaven's trying everything_  
 _Your heaven's trying everything to break me down_

 _~ Five Finger Death Punch, Far From Home_

* * *

 **June 2011**

I agonized over my decision. I didn't tell a soul, couldn't admit what I was so ashamed of. I avoided my family and friends, afraid that my thoughts would be written on my face. I secluded myself for a week, not unaware that I was emulating Bella.

In that time, I begged Bella to talk to me, to call Alice, to leave the house for a walk. I made her food, putting it in front of her and pleading with her to eat. I called a mental health counselor, handed her the phone, and thought for sure she'd make the appointment out of courtesy. She merely stared balefully at the phone in my hand.

I resorted to yelling again, accusing her of being selfish. I asked if it occurred to her that I lost a baby, too. If she even realized that I never spent the time to think about it, because I was too worried for her. She resumed staring at the wall.

I cried.

I begged.

I screamed.

I gave up.

And I hardened my resolve.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

I found myself yelling at her again, hoping she'd show some sign of emotion. She didn't; I was afraid she'd forgotten how. In the time where everything bad that could happen to her did, and she hid under her mask of indifference. I'd begged her to get help, I'd pleaded with her to talk to me about her pain. I'd squashed my own pain over the miscarriage to be brave for my wife; I had not given myself the room to grieve, for fear of making things worse for her. And now I'd become someone I didn't recognize, someone who changed himself for the benefit of another. Something I swore I'd never do again. So, I gave up yelling.

"I can't do this anymore." I was suddenly whispering. After the storm of shouting and accusations, this got her attention. Her eyes were dark, sad depths of mocha pools. How had I not noticed the pain consuming her features before?

"Do what?" she asked, her hoarse voice sounding confused. She frowned. I knew she hadn't heard a thing I'd been yelling at her.

"I can't live like this. I have to get away from here." I turned to the window, my hands pulling at my hair before scrubbing down my face. "I'm leaving." Sharp pain stabbed through my chest again as I finally said the words out loud.

"Okay," she said in a small voice.

I spun back to her, incredulous. " _Okay?_ Did you not hear what I said, Bella? I'm leaving." I knelt in front of her, grasping her chin in an effort to get her attention, forcing her to meet my eyes. "I'm leaving _you_."

There was nothing but silence as I waited for her to respond. Finally, her eyes widened, and she stood abruptly. The chair fell over with a clatter, but I barely registered the noise. She dragged in uneven breaths, and her hands clutched my shirt frantically.

"You can't leave me, Edward!" Tears stung behind my eyes as her ragged breathing turned to gasps. The words were like glass shards pricking my skin, causing small painful cuts that would never heal.

I circled her wrists with my hands, prying them from my shirt. I held her hands briefly, then dropped them where they hung limply to her sides. I stared into her eyes, knowing there was no easy way to do this. She blinked rapidly. "I've tried everything, Bella. I don't know what to do for you anymore. I can't keep doing this one-sided."

I had to shut off the overwhelming emotions, the way I'd tried to do for months now. She was a stranger to me; that was the only way I'd make it out of the house.

"But you-you always swore you'd never leave me. It's in the vows, and-and I love you! I don't know what to do without you!" She sounded so pathetic, but I couldn't let it get to me. She had pushed me to this point without even being present enough to see what she was doing.

"I remember every time that I vowed not to leave you, Bella. The thing is, it's for your own good. You aren't happy anymore, and if I give you space, maybe you can find what does make you happy." I turned, dropping my head before I could relent and sweep her back into my arms. _Neither of us was happy. This was the only way_.

"I love you, Bella. I always will. It's clear now that I'm not enough." My voice broke over those words. Not since my ex had I felt so inadequate. I picked up the suitcase I'd packed in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. "I'll be at my parents' until I figure out what to do. If you need anything." I spoke very quietly with my back to her before heading for the door.

"I need _you_!" she shouted. Bella crashed into my back, catching me by surprise. I dropped the suitcase and spun around. She had already slid uselessly to the floor. "I can't live without you!" she screamed, tears pouring down her face. Seeing her there on the ground groveling felt like a thousand tiny arrows piercing my heart. I almost caved again.

Taking a deep breath and letting it whoosh out, I leaned down and helped her to stand. I kissed her gently on the forehead. That only brought on more tears, streaking down her face and neck. "I can't live _with_ you. Not anymore." Hastily grabbing the suitcase again, I wrenched open the front door and strode out quickly, before I changed my mind.

I heard an excruciating, guttural sound of anguish, and it terrified me with its intensity. When I realized it was coming from Bella, I stopped on the sidewalk, fighting nausea and steeling myself to truly leave my wife.

* * *

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	29. Chapter 28

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **There's a tissue warning for this chapter.**

* * *

 _And ever has it been known that  
Love knows not its own depth  
Until the hour of separation _

_Out of suffering have emerged the strongest  
souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars._

 _~Khalil Gibran_

* * *

 **Present Day**

 **July 2011**

I've spent the past week at my parents' house, and successfully dodged a one-on-one conversation with my mother. I love my mother and value her opinion, which is exactly why I can't have that conversation with her. The guilt is eating at me; if I don't have an ulcer, I will soon.

I'm trying to nap on the bed in their guest room when I hear the soft knock. Sighing, I open my eyes, preparing to get up and open the door, but my mother just comes in without waiting.

"Edward," she begins, and I cringe. She huffs. "Now, none of that. If you think I don't know you're avoiding me, you're naïve."

I chuckle ruefully. "I should have known."

She sits in the armchair and takes my nearest hand into hers. "I know that this was a hard decision for you," she says softly, and I raise an eyebrow. "And I know that's an understatement." She runs her hand through my hair. I have to look away from the sympathy shining out from her eyes.

"Ma," I start, but she holds up her free hand.

"Hear me out. You are my son. Even while I was pregnant with you, you were no less my child. I loved you as soon as I found out about you."

"Did a rabbit have to die?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood.

She swats me on the arm. "Of course not. The point is, I would have grieved for the child that could have been. That's what Bella did. She missed out on giving birth, on hearing her son's first cry, on all of the firsts. He didn't get the chance to grow into a proud young man." She strokes my cheek as I fight back tears. " _You_ need to grieve, Edward. You need to mourn the loss of your son. Hell, you need to mourn the loss of your marriage."

I'm trying so hard not to cry that my eyes ache, and I say the first thing that comes to mind. "I'm scared, Ma. I'm scared that if I start crying, I'll never stop." I bite back a sob, then lean forward and hug my mother's warm body to mine, grabbing ahold of the back of her shirt.

"Let it out, son." She rocks with me, the way we used to do when I was little, and my walls crumble like grains of sand.

The sob rushes out, and before I know it, tears are pouring down my face, scalding my cheeks. Animalistic sounds choke their way up my throat, and I clutch my mother close to me, the emotions swirling in my gut and spewing from my mouth. My pain wells up, exploding in a long wail that I try to bury in her shirt. I can't catch my breath, and I start to hyperventilate, the vise squeezing my chest in fury.

"Deep breaths, baby, don't forget to breathe," Mom soothes.

"My son _died_ , Mama! I never got to me-meet him!" I sob uncontrollably. Esme pats my back, alternating with rubbing circles.

"I know, sweetie, I'm so sorry." Rocking, still rocking.

"Wha-what ha-have I-I d-done?" I stutter, burying my head in her shoulder and shaking with my grief. I squeeze my mother until I'm afraid I'll hurt her, but God, I've missed affection. I miss my wife; I don't even know what's become of her.

"I-I've d-done th-the wr-wr-wrong th-thing, have-haven't I?" I choke out.

"Shh, you just need to give Bella space now. She needs to figure out what she wants."

"Wh-what if-if sh-she ne-never wan-wants me b-back? Oh, God!" The reality of what I did sinks in, and I'm terrified that I've lost everything. I'm crying so hard my chest hurts with the sobs racking through me. I sit clutching my mother, trying to gain comfort like I did as a child. A long time passes as I try to reign in control of myself, my breath coming out in hiccuping sighs..

"You'll have to wait it out. What's done is done. You made your decision, now you have to live with the consequences."

"Don't sound so logical." I'm annoyed now; she's gotten what she wanted, and I'm a crying mess. "I need to be alone, Ma," I mumble. I feel her nod, and she hugs me tightly before getting up, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

I fall back on the bed, exhausted and overwhelmed. One day, I was going to have a son, and the next, he was gone. No tiny blue outfits with ducks on them, no teaching him how to ride a bike. No throwing a ball in the big backyard that was meant for a horde of children.

No watching Bella as she grew rounded in the belly with our child inside. No chance to feel him kick, to watch her nurture our son and protect him.

I roll over in the bed and scream my rage into the pillow, squeezing the concave chasm where my heart used to be.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

I spend the rest of the day in bed, trying to sleep. Nightmares plague me, Bella starring in all of them. Either she's dead, or she's holding a baby that disappears. The nursery in our house changes from complete, with a baby in the crib, to empty and unpainted. Restless, overheated, and pissed at myself, I get up and leave the room, making my way down to the kitchen. There's no one around, but my mother left a note on the counter that there's food in the fridge.

Ignoring that, I get a drink instead, trying to cool down. I strip my shirt off, tossing it on the counter and leaning against it. I rub my head with my hands, scrubbing my eyes roughly. I feel the stubble I've let grow as I run my hands over my face. I feel at a loss. I'm not ready to go back to work, but I can't stay here.

I call Alice, insisting that she check with Jasper before agreeing to let me stay there for awhile. After all, he was Bella's friend first; maybe he thinks I'm an asshole. He'd be right.

I pack the few things I brought with me and scribble a note to my parents. I love them, but they're not who I need right now.

The drive helps to clear my head, especially since I leave the windows down and turn my music up loud, drowning out the voices competing in my brain. It's dark when I pull into their complex. Alice comes to the door, Jasper standing tall and protective behind her.

"Hey," I say, feeling shy.

"Come on, big brother. Come in." Alice moves aside, but Jasper just stands there, arms crossed over his chest.

"Say it, Jazz. Just get it out." I brace myself for whatever he's about to throw my way.

"Bella finally responded to me. She texted to say she's fine, but wouldn't elaborate." His foot is tapping in agitation.

"That's a relief. She won't answer anybody else." I rub my hand over the back of my neck, a nervous tell.

"I'm mad at you both, Edward. It took both of you to ruin what it took both of you to build. I don't blame you and not hold her responsible. I can't do that. I don't think you should have left, but she wasn't makin' any effort either." His easy drawl is more clipped than usual.

"I understand if you hate me. If you're really not comfortable with me here, I'll find something else." A hotel would be boring, but I can do that if it's what he wants.

"I don't hate you. Like I said, it was mutual." He steps back finally and I head inside. Alice shows me to the guest room, which she has set up beautifully.

"Edward," she says quietly. "You can't place all the blame on your shoulders. Like Jazz said, you're both adults. Just don't shut down like you did after Tanya. You are a wonderful person. You tried your best to be a great husband, and you were. You took on so much so that Bella didn't have to, and you never accepted credit. You also never let out your emotions."

"You and Mom have the same idea," I tell her. "Don't worry, I cried my heart out today."

"Okay," she says, then hugs me tightly. I bend down a little, since she's so short. "I saw Bella," she whispers in my ear. I straighten abruptly.

"What?" I say, a tad too loud, but I'm shocked.

"Shh," she admonishes. "I didn't even tell Jasper. He and I have different opinions about her. I just thought you should know that she looks really good. She's not as skinny, and her skin has some color again."

Reeling, I try to focus on Alice's face. "Wait, she looks better?" I try to consider this information rationally, but all I can think is that she really is better off without me.

"Like she's been eating, yeah. And she was outside, which is a plus. It was just a glimpse." She studies my face. "I thought the news would make you happy."

I fake a smile, but it feels wrong on my face. "Yeah, it's great news, Ali. Thanks."

She frowns, not fooled by me. "Well, get some sleep."

I sit on the bed as she leaves the room, feeling the tears like brands as they plop onto my folded hands. Shaking, shaken at the news, I fall back on the bed. And cry myself to sleep.

* * *

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	30. Chapter 29

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **Um, say hi to a new character!**

* * *

 _I used to be so happy_  
 _But without you here I feel so low_  
 _I watched you as you left but I can never seem to let you go_  
 _'Cause once upon a time you were my everything_  
 _It's clear to see that time hasn't changed a thing_

 _I will never forget you_  
 _You'll always be by my side_  
 _From the day that I met you_  
 _I knew that I would love you 'til the day I die_  
 _And I will never want much more_  
 _And in my heart I will always be sure_  
 _I will never forget you_  
 _And you will always be by my side 'til the day I die_

 _I wonder what would happen_  
 _If we went back and put up a fight_  
 _'Cause once upon a time you were my everything_  
 _It's clear to see that time hasn't changed a thing_

 _So what in this world do you think could ever take you off my mind_

 _And all along, I knew I had something special with you_  
 _But I'm still tired and I can't hide my connection with you_

 _I will never forget you..._

 _'Til the day I die._

 _~Zara Larsson ft MNEK, Never Forget You_

* * *

 **July 2011**

 **BPOV**

 **(15 weeks)**

It feels as though I've been obliterated from the inside out. I don't know what to do with myself. Half the time I can't breathe, like I can't catch my breath. It feels like there's a hole in my chest where my lungs and heart should be.

Edward actually left.

It hurts to admit it, but it's the truth. He's gone; for how long, I don't know. I ran him off, chased him out the door. He tried to bring me out of my depression, and I dismissed him.

I've gotten more than a wake up call, I've gotten a slap to the face. My husband left, and I'm pregnant. Several months pregnant, which shows how deep under the water I was floating. I didn't even notice that I'd skipped my cycle, more than once.

It's obvious I have to make changes. But are they worth it if I do?

When I think about it, I realize the answer is yes. I have to take care of myself; no one else is going to do it for me. I blew that chance. But more than that, I have a life inside me to think about.

And I think about it all the time.

Realizing I needed groceries, I chickened out and had a food service deliver to the house, because I look exactly like someone who's spent the better part of six months in a cave. I need to eat better, to take care of myself better, if I have any chance of this baby staying put. Since there was no magic reason for my first baby's issues, the only thing I can do now is eat, start exercising, and stop stressing out so much.

Turns out, I can't force myself to not grieve over my parents' accident. I'm still furious with the drunk driver. I'm still an orphan, and that still cuts deeply. I can't 'namaste' my way out of my feelings. It's like there's static in my brain; I can hear everything going on around me, but it's muddled by the white noise.

I search all over Edward's desk until I find the number for the therapist he called for me. I pause when I see a list, with my name at the top. I sink into his chair as I read it, and tears come to my eyes.

 _ **1.** Get Bella to eat. Try eggs._

 _ **2.** Talk to Bella, even if she doesn't respond._

 _ **3.** Be patient. Remember she's going through so much._

 _ **4.** Store baby items so she doesn't see them._

He was always looking out for me, and how did I repay him? I ignored him when the static was too loud. He was background noise, hard to focus on, so I didn't even try. I pushed him away without even giving any effort. How pathetic.

Wiping my eyes, I make the phone call I know is most important. When I have an appointment set with the therapist, I call my OB and make an appointment with them. Now I'm actually excited, with something to look forward to.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

Making my way to the obstetrician is a bit surreal. It's an office I know well, but it was not for happy reasons that I was here last. I sign in and sit, too anxious to read an outdated magazine. My knees are bouncing up and down, but I don't mind the outlet for my nervous energy.

"Bella Swan?" I hear from behind me. I turn my head in confusion.

"Um, that's me, but it's Cullen now."

"I thought I recognized you. It's Jacob Black." The guy is tall, maybe as tall as Emmett, and his skin is the color of espresso with cream. He has hair the color of wet ink, and it's sort of styled in a fauxhawk. If he knows me, and looks Native American. . .

"Do I know you from La Push?" I guess hesitantly. I'm not looking to offend anybody; I don't have it in me today.

But he grins, his mouth full of white teeth as his smile stretches wide and genuine. "Yeah, I'm a friend of Paul's."

The sound of my ex-boyfriend's name causes my stomach to drop into my shoes. I look down, then back up at him. I have to crane my neck a little, and I bite my lip. "I guess I would know a Quileute anywhere. If nothing else, you guys are tall."

I think I see a blush, and he comes around to stand in front of me, then squats until we're eye level. "Better?" He grins again, and I can tell that it's sincere, as it reaches all the way to his eyes. They're dark brown, expressive and open. "I remember you and Paul ended up on bad terms. He's not really so much my friend as a member of the same tribe, like a brother you don't like but you're stuck with."

I follow along pretty well, even if his words take a left at effusive. "Okay. What did you say your name was?"

"Jacob. Or just Jake. I'm a few years younger than Paul, so I guess I'm younger than you, too. Don't you remember, we used to play on the beach as kids?" He looks expectantly at me.

I feel as though I can dredge up a dim remembrance. A handful of kids from the reservation, my dad and mom, and me. I press my hand to my stomach. "Um, yeah," I say quietly, thinking of my parents.

"I'm interning here. Are you seeing one of the doctors?"

"Yes, Dr. Greene. How long have you been an intern?"

"I'm going into my second year. I've not seen you here before, have you always come here?"

"Yes, to this practice, but today I'm seeing the high risk doctor."

"Would you want to catch up over lunch? After your appointment, I mean, I can take a lunch break. I'd love to talk some more." He looks so hopeful, his eyebrows raised up in earnest.

"I think that would be nice," I find myself replying. Well, we knew each other as kids, so it's okay. I'll lay it out for him when we talk. I realize how much I'm starving for human interaction. We can be friends.

"That's fantastic. I'll keep an eye out for you to be finished." He looks thrilled that I agreed.

"Okay."

"Isabella Cullen?" I hear the nurse call.

"That's me. I've got to. . ." I gesture towards the nurse, since it's obvious what I mean.

"Sure, sure. I'll see you soon."

I wonder if I've just made things more difficult for myself.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

When I emerge from the office into the sunshine, I blink a few times to adjust to the bright light. I look down at the black and white sonogram, staggered by the image in front of me. _It's real._

I remove the sweater I had on in the air conditioning, scanning the parking lot for my next move. Do I wait, or go to the truck?

"Bella, hey," I hear next to me, and I glance over, then up as Jake walks to me. He kind of swaggers, and I bite my lip to keep from laughing and rolling my eyes.

Instead, I smile warmly. "Hey."

"You wanna, you know, walk down the street and pick a place?" He suddenly seems shy, and I try not to groan. I really have to explain my situation over lunch.

"Okay."

We start off, and I find I have to take a step away from him, as his broad figure covers so much of the sidewalk. Not to mention he seems all too content to brush against my side.

I pick the first place we come to, a simple coffee and sandwich place. We order at the counter and sit down at a small table inside. I sip my tea, waiting for him to say something.

"So. . .you said your last name isn't Swan anymore, but you're not wearing a ring. And you were in Dr. Greene's office. I don't want to make assumptions, so maybe you can help me out?" He looks up as our order is brought to us, then down at the table and his massive burger.

I take a bite of salad, in no hurry to explain myself. We chew in silence for a few minutes before I decide what to tell him.

Finally, I pull my necklace out from under my shirt, letting my wedding set rest between my collarbones with my locket. "I'm married." I take a deep breath. "My husband left me, just recently."

He frowns, and I frown in response. "Is it too nosy to ask why?"

"I gave him plenty of reasons. I believe he said he thought I'd be happier without him. There've been some. . .things. . .that have happened. I didn't handle them well." I swallow past the lump in my throat, realizing that the ache is back in my chest. I fold my arms around myself, hoping Jake doesn't notice the gaping hole.

"That doesn't sound fair," he states, then takes a huge bite of food. I have to wonder if steroids are on the menu.

"Well, you can't glean that much information from a snapshot. Also. . .my parents were killed in February. Car accident." Great, now I'm crying. I dab my eyes with my napkin, and he reaches a hand towards me. I ignore him.

"I'm sorry, Bells." The nickname startles me, but I remember Dad always called me that when I was little. "If you want an ear, or a shoulder to lean on, I'll be there. We've known each other for twenty years."

I don't know if I can expend the energy keeping him as a friend, and fending off any other overtures. But I don't have any unbiased friends right now, either. "Maybe I'll take you up on that." I see the way he lights up at that, from his smile to his eyes. "As long as you realize one thing." I sit back, rubbing my stomach over my clothes. There's a small bump, but I'm still underweight.

"What's that?"

"I fully intend to get myself together and earn my husband's love and trust back. I'm going to show him that I'm not better off without him, but I have to fix my issues first."

I watch the emotions flicker over Jake's face. "Of course," he finally says. "Just friends."

I'm not sure if I believe him, but I'll give him a chance.

* * *

 **Don't shoot the messenger, but tell me what you think of the addition of Jake!**

 **The 15 weeks is how far along she is by the end of the month.**

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	31. Chapter 30

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **Here you go, ladies.**

* * *

 _What's your all time high, your good as it gets_  
 _Your hands down best ever make up sex_  
 _What's your guilty pleasure, your old go-to_  
 _If you asked me, mine would be you_

 _What's your worst hangover, your best night yet_  
 _Your 90 proof, your Marlboro Red_  
 _The best damn thing you lucked into_  
 _Well that's easy, girl_  
 _Mine would be you_

 _Mine would be you_  
 _Sun keeps shining_  
 _Back roads flying_  
 _Singing like crazy fools_  
 _Making up our own words_  
 _Laughing til it hurts_  
 _Baby if I had to choose_  
 _My best day ever, my finest hour_  
 _My wildest dream come true_  
 _Mine would be you_

 _What's your double dare, your go-all-in_  
 _The craziest thing you ever did_  
 _Plain as your name in this tattoo_  
 _Look on my arm_  
 _Mine would be you_

 _What's the greatest chapter in your book_  
 _Are there pages where it hurts to look_  
 _What's the one regret you can't work through_  
 _You got it baby_  
 _Mine would be you_

 _Girl can you tell me the one thing you'd rather die than lose_  
 _Cause mine would be you_

 _~Blake Shelton, Mine Would Be You_

* * *

 **August 2011**

 **EPOV**

It has been two months since I left Bella. I've learned to live like someone half alive, walking around like a ghost in limbo between the real world and the afterlife. I'm happy at times; I enjoy my sister and Jasper, work is still good. Then something reminds me of what I've done, and I wind up curled in the fetal position in bed.

When I was dating Tanya, I was young and cocky, a self-confident asshole. I knew that she and I were compatible because she was after someone who made a decent living and could spoil her. I thought that was what I wanted, to show off my early success with a trophy girlfriend.

In the beginning, we went out all the time. She was gorgeous on my arm, and guys were jealous of me. We made a point of being part of the party scene, hitting up clubs and expensive dinners. I saw nothing wrong with giving Tanya one of my credit cards and letting her have a spa day and buy a dress and jewelry, if the end result was showing her off and then having dirty sex in the back of the limo on the way home.

I was shallow, so I didn't care that she was too.

After a few months of this, I had to put some actual effort into my job. I had to work to earn the money to pay for her shopping sprees. Tanya was livid that I put her second, regardless of the reason why. To me, it was logical to work late a few times to earn better clients and more money. To her, it was a snub.

She started off making subtle remarks about how I was working all the time. Then she moved into suggesting how I should dress, making it sound like I wasn't attractive unless I changed it up. When I let her dress me, she told me I was lucky to have her, because nobody else would put up with me. Then she would tell me I was slacking in the bedroom, complaining that she wasn't satisfied.

When she screamed at me for visiting my sister, choosing Alice over her, I felt guilty for failing my girlfriend. I thought she was right. And I believed every venomous thing she spewed from then on.

I was a robot, working to avoid my shrew of a girlfriend, believing I was a loser who didn't deserve her anyway. Until the day I came home from work and caught her cheating on me.

She was not quiet during sex, ever. So to open my apartment door and hear those sounds, I knew what was going on. I wasn't confused, it didn't take me any time to figure out what was happening. I knew immediately that she was having sex with someone else.

Still, to see her naked body pushed over the kitchen table, her ample boobs squashed to the wood and some guy pulling her hair as he slammed into her, was a shock.

And then I got over that shock, and the next thing I knew, I had the guy in a headlock and was dragging him to the door, roughly shoving him out and slamming it behind him. When I turned around, naked Tanya was shrieking at me, calling me names and flailing her arms. I suddenly couldn't remember why I ever found her attractive as I looked at her, while she continued blaming me for her cheating.

I told her to gather the clothing on the floor and to get the hell out. I told her I never wanted to see her face again, and she continued to shriek as I closed my bedroom door and locked it, stripping and heading into the shower.

I never saw her again, and that was a relief.

It took months to get back to myself, and I was never quite the same person. I was over acting like a rich, spoiled snob. I was over dating shallow girls and letting them tell me how awful I was.

In the end, I was better off to be rid of her. I don't feel the same now, without my wife.

She brought so much happiness to my life. A strange coincidence, having the nerve to say hello to a stranger and have her interested in me in return. Our relationship moved so fast, and I always thought it was fate. I thought we were meant to be together, and that we were a perfect match. I planned on working on our marriage for the rest of our lives, and I certainly never saw myself giving up.

But Alice said Bella was happy, and that brought up old insecurities about myself. I'm trying to remember the Edward I was when I first met Bella. I was happy, generous, loving.

But I wasn't confident. I realize now that I still have not found that piece of myself. The last time I thought I was confident, I was actually cocky and self-important. Then I was afraid of letting Bella down, so I was eager to please, which can be okay, just not to the level I was at.

Scared of her leaving if I wasn't good enough, and instead running because I was afraid I wasn't good enough.

And to hear how much better she is, how healthy she looks without me in the picture?

I have to cut the strings that tie us together, to set her free instead of binding her to me. Ugh, how terrified I am of what that will do to me. The strings are interwoven; cut one and they all unravel, leaving me wounded and alone. The thought has another panic attack threatening, and I take deep, ragged breaths. The pain crushes me, and I squeeze my legs to my chest, my arms wrapped tightly around my knees.

I've made my decision. If I file for separation, not divorce, I can give Bella the chance to make her own decision.

It doesn't hurt any less.

* * *

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	32. Chapter 31

**No copyright infringement intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **Now we see what Bella has been up to.**

* * *

 _I still remember the look on your face_

 _The words that you whispered_

 _For just us to know_

 _You told me you loved me_

 _So why did you go away_

 _._

 _I do recall now the smell of the rain_

 _The beat of your heart_

 _As it jumps through your shirt_

 _And I can still feel your arms_

 _._

 _Because I love your handshake, meeting my father_

 _I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets_

 _How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something_

 _There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions_

 _._

 _So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep_

 _And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe_

 _And I hope the sun shines_

 _And it's a beautiful day_

 _And something reminds you_

 _You wish you had stayed_

 _._

 _You can plan for a change in weather and time_

 _But I never planned on you changing your mind_

 _But now I'll go sit on the floor_

 _Wearing your clothes_

 _._

 _All that I know is_

 _I don't know how to be something you miss_

 _I never thought we'd have a last kiss_

 _Never imagined we'd end up like this_

 _Your name, forever the name on my lips_

.

 _~Taylor Swift, Last Kiss_

* * *

 **September 2011**

 **BPOV**

 **(24 weeks)**

I make a last minute decision to stop by the library and visit with Carmen on the way home from therapy. She was a friend to me, and even though I can't see myself coming back yet, I want to see her kind face. Besides, it's my twenty-sixth birthday, and I need a distraction from the reminder of when Edward and I met.

Her eyes widen as she sees me coming towards the circulation desk, and I chuckle. "Hey, Carmen."

"Bella! You look amazing, my dear!" I accept her hug, and she steps back to study my face, still clutching my shoulders. "I've missed some things, huh?"

I smile. "Yeah, I guess so. Can we sit?"

"Absolutely." She leads me to two armchairs, and we sit together. She reaches over and takes my hand, holding it in hers on my knee. "What is this?" She gestures to my abdomen. "I saw Edward in June, I think it was, and he said nothing."

"He doesn't know, Carmen," I say quietly.

She gasps, and I can't blame her. "What do you mean?"

"He left. Um, at the end of June, actually." I twist my fingers around hers nervously.

"Left? Like on a business trip?" _Yeah, lady, it's impossible to wrap your brain around, huh?_

"He left me, moved out." Her eyes widen again, this time in horror.

"He mentioned you were having a hard time of it, and wanted to know if I had any suggestions. I told him to just give you time. What the hell is leaving going to do for you, and this _bebe_?"

"I didn't find out I was pregnant until he'd already left. I was in a bad place for months, Carmen. You know how hard it was for me when my parents died." I take a deep breath. "I don't want to guilt him into coming back."

"Then what? Because you know you have to tell him." She stares at me pointedly.

"Yeah." I nod and push my hair behind my ear. "I've been going to a therapist, you know, a counselor. I don't want meds, so I've been using other techniques to help me cope with stress. I started taking better care of myself. Originally, because of my miscarriage and the unexplained infertility, I met with a high risk obstetrician. Thankfully, they saw no reason I couldn't treat this as a normal pregnancy. Still, I'm being incredibly careful." I pause, trying to arrange my words carefully. "I could have handled things better. I know that I'm self-critical, and I should have shared my problems and my feelings with Edward. We could have worked through them together. I was so afraid of failing, and then I didn't know what the hell to do when Mom and Dad died." Talking about them still brings tears to the surface.

"I hope you aren't blaming only yourself for this mess. I'm sure there were things Edward could have handled differently," Carmen says, always my champion.

"I'm not blaming myself for all of it, just trying to take responsibility. There were two of us." I look down. "Soon three, when this baby girl comes. I'm scared he'll turn me away when I show him how far I've come."

"I don't think he will. That man loves you, Bella. Very much, I believe. Eleazar remarked on it as well." Carmen soothes her fingers over mine, and I instantly feel better.

"I sincerely hope you're right."

 **~~~oOo~~~**

Back at the house, I wander through the rooms, my hand trailing along Edward's piano, and I wonder if he misses playing. I wonder if he misses me, or if he's moved on. I shake my head at myself, feeling confident that he wouldn't move on that quickly. Then, what? What does he do every day?

Heading upstairs, I open the door to the soft green nursery. I remember the day Renee and Esme painted it for me, such a long time ago. That was yet another day that broke me. I was cobbling myself together after each blow, instead of talking about what was wrong and taking the steps to fix it. I hid my problems from Edward, afraid he would think less of me. That wasn't fair to him or to me. It's like saying I don't trust him to stick it out unless I'm a perfect human being.

Instead, I pushed and pushed until he had no choice but to run. I just pray now that we can fix our mistakes before it's too late.

Exhausted, I lay down on our bed and try to nap. Instead, memories of us flood my mind.

All the times we climbed back in bed in the mornings to sip coffee and read.

All the nights we slept here curled around each other.

And the multitude of times we met here to taste, touch, and reconnect.

That's what I miss the most. Just being together, no matter the circumstances.

I get up, heading into the closet. I don't flip on the light, just feel for what I want. I know my way around, so I easily come to Edward's section of pullovers folded on a shelf. I pull them all to me, inhaling until I find what I want; one of his shirts still has his scent, lingering in the fibers and clinging, as I cling to the shirt now. Crying, trying not to sob, I pull the shirt over my head, stretching it over the baby we created together on our anniversary.

The sobs overtake me, and I slide to the floor in the darkened closet, resting my head on the side of the shelves. My shoulders shake as I release my grief, and the tears flow unchecked. I try to remind myself that it's cathartic to cry, and I attempt to practice my deep breathing as I sit there.

Eventually, the uncomfortable position causes my feet to fall asleep, and I roll over to my hands and knees, cautiously sitting up from there. I test myself, holding on to the shelf and putting my weight on my feet. They tingle, but they're okay. Sighing deeply, I make my way back to the bed, pulling Edward's pillow to my face and snuggling in. The baby moves, and it feels like she's doing somersaults.

"It's going to be fine, baby girl," I say as I rub the place where she's curled up. "I'll fix it, I promise. I'll convince Daddy to come home."

I fall asleep curled up the way I am.

* * *

 **I posted this early because 30 and 31 are both short.**

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	33. Chapter 32

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **A huge thank you to flyrbrd for being my 500th review! Thank you to all of those that review!**

 **I love this poem for many different reasons.**

* * *

 _"There is so much history in the way he looks at her._

 _In the way he says her name._

 _When they are together, there is a current that runs between them;_

 _like an electric charge on the verge of erupting into a perfect storm._

I don't love her anymore _, he says._

 _And it's the way he says_ , her- _That tells me otherwise."_

 _~Lang Leav, Her_

* * *

 **October**

 **EPOV**

I decide to take a run, since I'm feeling so restless cooped up with Alice and Jasper. I love them, but there's only so much wedding prep and lovey-dovey a man getting a divorce can handle. _Separation_ , I correct myself. I'm not even fully on board with that, but it seems the only way to force Bella into making a decision. She's avoiding speaking to anybody, except a text to Jasper now and then to say she's ok. I feel disgust at the idea of no longer being married to Bella, but I am simply at a loss.

I pause at the corner for a light, jogging a bit in place and people watching. There is a cafe across the way that I've never been to, and I watch an older man give his table up for a young lady, which is very chivalrous of him. A truck passes by on the street, belching out fumes that I wave away, and when it moves on down the street, I realize that it's _her_.

Bella is the woman who's taken the table, not by the railing, but further in. I'd know that gorgeous chestnut hair anywhere. I stand motionless as the light cycles, watching the way the wind plays in her hair the way I used to do. I war with myself. Do I say something? Move on and pretend I don't see her? She looks up and around, but I don't get the impression she can see me. Then I see her look toward the entrance, and a tall, dark man comes toward her as she stands.

She stands, and I stop breathing altogether. My hand shoots out to catch my balance, and I grip the nearest light pole for support.

She's pregnant.

My wife is pregnant, and another man is touching her.

He hugs her, and she laughs.

He moves back, rubbing her stomach in a way that looks possessive to me.

My vision washes red, and I have to choke on the bile that rises up. Turning quickly, I run to the other end of the street, losing whatever was in my stomach into the patch of grass. Shaking, I lean my hands on my knees, bending at the waist and gasping for air.

"Hey, you alright there?" I hear someone ask. I can only wave vaguely and hope they leave me alone. When I finally catch my breath, I look up and realize I'm at one of the downtown parks. I know a shortcut back to Alice's through the park, so I head that way.

I don't speak to either of them when I get back, opting to shut myself in the guest room and strip, showering in scalding hot water before climbing into the bed and hiding under the covers, like a little boy.

When I wake the next morning, the first thing I realize is that I'm starving, having skipped dinner the previous night. I get dressed quickly, grabbing my keys and leaving a note for Alice and Jasper, telling them where I'll be in case they miss me. I hit up the nearest coffee shop for breakfast, texting Emmett while eating.

When I'm done I head to his place, wanting some time with my best friend. I don't know what to think, what to feel. What to fucking do.

He answers my knock and pulls me in for a hug, which is awkward because he's taller than me and I don't like being made to feel like a bitch. My nerves are already on edge.

"Ok, Em. Let go," I say, slapping him on the back.

"To what the hell do I owe the pleasure, man?" He steps back to let me into their house.

I run my hand through my hair, scrubbing it down over my eyes. "Can we sit?"

"Yeah, of course. What's up?"

We move to the island, each taking a bar stool. "I saw Bella yesterday," I blurt out.

He studies my face. "How'd she act?"

"I didn't speak to her. I saw her at an outdoor table at a cafe while I was running."

"Oh. Well, why didn't you go over and say hello or something?"

"Edward, you saw Bella?" I hear from Rose as she comes into the kitchen. She stands next to Emmett, and the two of them study me like I'm a science experiment.

"Yeah, and she wasn't alone." I need to say the most important part, but the words don't want to come out of my mouth.

Rose gasps quietly. "Oh, wow. How are you holding up?" Her brow goes up as she asks.

"That's not even the worst part." I take a deep breath. Gotta spit it out, but it's stuck in my throat. "She stood to greet the guy." I cough to clear the obstruction. "And she's. . .she's pregnant." There. It's out. Into the resounding silence.

"What the _fuck_!" Emmett finally explodes. "You've only been separated for four fucking months, Edward! Now she's got a dude and a damn baby?" He shakes his head. "What. _The_. Fuck."

"He was tall, and sort of dark, like dark hair and skin. Maybe Native American. It was from a distance, but you can't miss a tall mother fucker like that. He hugged her, rubbed her belly. They were having dinner together." It all comes out in a rush, like air I've been holding in for too long.

"We'll find him, Ed. Find him and crush his stupid skull." Emmett pounds his fist into his palm. "Where were they? We need to figure out how to find him," he seethes. I'm sure the anger makes him feel more useful than my sorrow.

"I mean, she's moved on, you know? That's fine, I'm the one that filed for separation. I'm moving on, too. I don't care." _Lies_. I knew they were lies, bravado covering misery.

"I can't possibly roll my eyes any harder without hurting my brain." Rose's voice is sharp. Emmett and I both stop talking and look at her.

"Why, Rosie?" Emmett asks. "She's obviously shacking up with some dude, while Edward is still a fresh wound. Not even healed."

She ignores her husband. "What did you see, Edward?" I open my mouth, but she interrupts me with her hand up. "Specifically," she clarifies.

"I was across the street and down maybe half a block, waiting on a green light." I focus on breathing, in and out. "A guy, maybe in his eighties, offers a lady his table. I couldn't see the woman for a truck passing on the street." _In. Out. In. Out._ "I caught sight of her hair, and I knew it was her. I was thinking about going over, saying something. I was torn." _In. Out. In. Out_. "She was so beautiful," I whisper. My eyes squeeze shut as a tear escapes. "Her hair was blowing in the breeze, and she was wearing dark blue. Her cheeks had color in them, something she lost for a while at the end." My eyes snap open. "Then she stood up, waving at somebody. She had a pregnant belly." I hold my hand out to show Rose. "The tall guy walked to her, hugged her."

"Ok, wait. He hugged her?" I nod. "Did her arms go around him?"

I have to think about it. "Uh, no. She laughed a bit." I frown. "Come to think of it, she looked annoyed."

Rose nods. "Then what?"

"She said something, and he let go, but he ran his hand over her stomach." My hand shakes as I demonstrate. The nausea roils in my gut. "Rose," I say desperately.

She moves to the sink, grabbing a glass from the drain and filling it with water. She brings it back to me, and I gulp it.

"Sip it," she orders. "Edward, how did Bella react to his touch?"

I try to think around the whooshing noise in my brain. "I don't know, I had to grab a lamp post. And then, I um, I threw up." I feel embarrassed, but Rosalie just rubs my shoulder.

"You love her, Edward." A statement.

"No," I shake my head in futile denial.

"Yes. And think about it. I know you aren't so familiar with pregnancy, but if she's showing as much as you say, it isn't that guy's baby." Her eyebrow goes up again. She watches me, waiting.

I breath, in and out. _In. Out. In. Out. In out in out in out inoutinoutinout, oh my God_. My gaze shoots up to Rosalie's, and my eyes are wide as I hyperventilate. She rummages in the cupboard until she finds a paper bag, and hands it to me. I breathe into it, trying to concentrate on not passing out.

"Jesus, Edward! You're gonna be a dad!" Emmett has clued in. Clearly.

"I. . .just. . .need. . .to. . .catch. . .up," I pant.

Rose smiles. "You love her, Edward." She wraps her arms around me, and something about her slender arms and fragrant hair makes me think of Bella. She's right, of course, no matter how much I try to deny it.

"I don't know what to do," I say. I've been so focused on the anger, the agony of seeing her finally carrying a baby that wasn't mine. I haven't processed the idea that I am going to be a father, something Bella and I dreamed about for years now. "I left her, and she's pregnant and alone." I drop my head, shame washing over me.

"You didn't know she was pregnant, Edward. And I told you it was a stupid idea to leave her." My head snaps up, and I know my eyes are blazing.

"That's very helpful now, Rosalie!" I snap.

"Hey, hey, hey, man. Don't talk to my wife like that. We're trying to help you." Emmett angles his shoulders so that Rose is behind him. She huffs and steps around him, leaning a hip against the counter and grabbing my face in her hands.

"Edward, you did what you thought was right. You were conditioned years ago to think you weren't good enough, but that wasn't the case this time. She just needed more help than any of us could give."

"Damn it, the separation papers!" I gasp as I realize she must have received them by now.

"You can cancel them, Edward. You need to decide what you want, and work for it. Don't give up this time, don't walk away. You _are_ good enough." Rose rubs my shoulder. "You're going to be a _dad_ , Edward. That's what's important, that and winning Bella back. I think you should send her a letter apologizing for leaving her, and that you really don't want to be separated. You can explain that you thought that you couldn't make her happy anymore, and that as hard as it was for you to leave, you did it for her. You can tell her that you still love her and want to be with her, but not at the expense of her happiness. You can tell her that you will give her as much time and space as she needs, but you're still here waiting for her. It wouldn't hurt to send her flowers every week, either. Not only will she know that you're thinking of her, but she'll be forced to think of you, too."

"Do you really think flowers will fix this?"

"Of course flowers alone won't fix it, but she's not ready to talk yet. It's just to remind her of what you have together, and that you'll be patient."

"I don't have the time to be patient, I'm going to be a father and I want our baby to have _both_ of its parents." _  
_  
I hear a squeal as little Vera comes running around the corner. She runs to Emmett first, and he bends and scoops her up. Emmett points to me. "Uncle E, see, Truvy?"

"Unca E!" she cries, leaning towards me. I take her from Emmett and snuggle her little body to mine. It is a remarkable feeling, when a young child loves you. They have unconditional feelings, and don't judge anyone as long as you're nice to them. It really sinks in as she rests her soft curls under my neck, playing with the top edge of my shirt; I'm going to have a child of my own soon.

Hope blooms like ink dripped in water, and I pray that I do the right thing.

* * *

 **Um...just breathe with me.**

 **facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/ if you want to say hi, or you want to rant over this chapter.**


	34. Chapter 33

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **This song was the first inspiration for this story. When I heard Angry All The Time, I realized they needed to go together.**

 ****There's NO time jump this chapter.****

* * *

 _I had a dream about a burning house_  
 _You were stuck inside_  
 _I couldn't get you out_  
 _I laid beside you and pulled you close_  
 _And the two of us went up in smoke_

 _Love isn't all that it seems I did you wrong_  
 _I'll stay here with you until this dream is gone_

 _I've been sleepwalking_  
 _Been wandering all night_  
 _Trying to take what's lost and broken_  
 _Make it right_  
 _I've been sleepwalking_  
 _Too close to the fire_  
 _But it's the only place that I can hold you tight_  
 _In this burning house_

 _The flames are getting bigger now_  
 _In this burning house_  
 _I can hold on to you somehow_  
 _In this burning house_  
 _Oh and I don't want to wake up_  
 _In this burning house_

 _~Cam, Burning House_

* * *

 **October**

 **(28 weeks)**

 _I wandered through the rooms of a house, aware that something was wrong, but not able to put my finger on what it was. As I headed up the staircase, I ran my hand up the smooth railing, trailing my fingers behind me. I stopped on the landing, listening. I heard something; crying? It seemed like crying, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I stepped through the door on my right, circling the empty room. No one. I went back to the hall, crossing and entering the room on the left. Again, the room was empty but there was still the echoing sound of a cry._

 _When I moved back out to the hallway, I became aware that the stairway was on fire. Flames licked the walls, leaping higher to reach the ceiling. The acrid smell of smoke permeated my nostrils, but I felt no heat. As I backed down the hall, the flames moved forward, consuming the rooms I had just searched. The crying became louder, more frantic. I heard the faint sounds of a man's voice, and I hurried further down the hall, glancing in rooms as I passed. There were too many doors, too many missed opportunities. My heart was pounding heavily in my throat, and I swallowed to relieve the feeling, but it wouldn't settle back into my chest._

 _The sounds were louder in my ears now; the roar of the flames, the crackling of the paint and wood as the walls succumbed to the heat from the flames that I still didn't feel. It was as if the fire was chasing me through the house now, and I found myself at another set of stairs, heading back down. Thinking of finding the exit, I took the stairs as quickly as I dared. When I reached the bottom floor, I saw an open door with sunlight pouring through. It beckoned me, the safety of the outdoors, away from the burning house. Just as I reached the only means to my escape, I heard the man loud and clear._

 _"Bella! Bella!"_

 _Edward! My mind answered, but the words would not move past my heart as it pounded in my throat. I spun, spotting a room with no fire damage a few feet away. I sprinted towards it, knowing instinctively that I had to save Edward. I was moving so quickly that I stumbled when I reached the door frame, clutching it for support. There he was. My Edward, looking beautiful and perfect. He was sitting on our bed in our undamaged house, holding something._

 _So grateful he wasn't hurt, I rushed forward and took his face in my hands. "Edward!" I managed to spit out. I swallowed and took a deep breath, working to dislodge the object still stuck in my throat. "Edward, we have to move. The house is on fire! Come on!" I pulled on his arm, but it was no use. He was holding tightly to something, and as I looked more closely, my eyes focused on a baby. I knew immediately that it was our baby, our daughter._

 _"We can't leave the baby, Bella." Edward said the word 'baby' with such devotion that tears sprang to my eyes. He glanced up to me, then back to the infant sleeping in his arms._

 _"I know, love. Bring the baby. We have to go!" I spoke urgently, but he never made an effort to get up. "I swear she can come Edward, please get up and bring the baby!" I wrapped my arms around the two of them, desperate to shield them._

 _"No, we can't be together. I'll stay with her. You go." His words made no sense to me._

 _The fire that had not yet touched this perfect example of how our life should be suddenly claimed the doorway to the room. Crackling, roaring, the wooden frame buckled and collapsed._

 _"EDWARD! WE HAVE TO GO!" I screamed desperately, but the scene shifted in front of me. I was seeing Edward and the baby on the other side of a window, and he was standing by a crib, rocking the smiling baby girl in his arms. His mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear anything for the roaring in my ears. The ceiling collapsed between us as I screamed in horror, and I could no longer see anything for the flames._

I sit up suddenly, drenched in sweat and shaking violently. My hands go to my stomach to reassure myself, and the baby kicks my hand in response. I clench my eyes shut, breathing deeply and holding it in like the therapist recommended, letting it out after five seconds. I repeat the exercise several times until my heart rate returns to normal. I flop back down, stretching my toes, then my feet, careful not to stretch my calves and wind up with a cramp. I flex my fingers, hands, elbows and shoulders. I sit up again carefully, shifting until my feet hang off the bed. Touching my toes to the rug, I take a few more deep breaths, ensuring I won't be dizzy when I get up.

I get out of bed, heading into the bathroom. I strip off my soaked nightshirt, and wash my face with cold water before padding back to the bedroom, digging a fresh gown from the dresser. I rub my eyes wearily, noting the time. 4:36. Not exactly how I wanted to start my day, but I would rather get up than continue that dream.

I head into the kitchen, only turning on the light above the stove. I pull the juice from the fridge, then freeze as I set it on the counter next to yesterday's mail. The certified letter was the only thing I opened and it's still sitting there on top.

The words 'petition', 'separation', and 'respondent' jump out at me again. Gripping the counter for support, I try my best not to let the nausea overtake me. I practice my deep breathing some more, calming down incrementally.

It will be okay. Everything will work out in the end. I'm getting better. I'll show him that I'm healed, and that we can be happy again. The baby kicks, reassuring me that I'm right.

I have an appointment with my doctor later in the day, but nothing else planned. I pour some juice and put the carton back, hoping the routine will soothe my frayed nerves. I will not allow Edward to move any farther towards a divorce. I will not sign the petition for separation. I don't care how stubborn that makes me, either. It is the only communication I've had with him in four months, I'm not about to let it be all that is left of our marriage.

I make some toast and carry it to the table by the window in the breakfast nook. It's too dark to see outside, so I pull my notebook closer instead, and set about writing down my dream. It's meant to be cathartic, but the symbolism petrifies me. Dream Edward said we couldn't be together, but he kept our sweet baby girl. A tear plops down on the page, followed by two more. I sit back, dropping the pen. _Deep breaths, Bella. We'll work it out. Relax, don't stress the baby._ I just want to curl up on the couch and nap instead of work on my inner demons _._

 _ **~~~oOo~~~**_

I run into Jacob again at the OB's office. For someone who only interns a few days a week, he seems to always be there when I am. I'm heading back into the waiting room after seeing the doctor, and I see Jake as he waves from the reception desk. I pause by the door as he hurries over, glancing over his shoulder before taking my elbow and leading me out the double glass doors.

"Hey, Bella." He rubs the back of his neck like he's nervous. "I get off in 15. Can I take you for some coffee? Or tea, or whatever you drink." He smiles warmly. That was the best way to describe Jake. He was always warm, like a sun.

"I don't know, Jake. I don't want to give you the wrong idea." We'd spent some time together, but I always left with the impression that he was not listening to my warnings about staying platonic.

He doesn't even blink as I say the words. "I know how you feel. I just want to be your friend, I promise." He gives me his bright smile again. "I thought we could talk, and maybe I can make sure you get something to eat."

"Now it's dinner, too?" I shake my head. "You don't give up, do you?"

"Nope." He's completely unashamed.

I sigh. "Well, I do have some news. It would be nice to have a friend to talk to before my next therapy session."

He nods his head, clearly happy with my answer. "You want to come back inside and wait for me?"

"I'll wait at the cafe down the street. They have outdoor seating, I think that would be nice." It was public, and we'd been there before.

"Ok, cool." He gives another little wave and heads back indoors.

I hitch my purse up on my shoulder, smoothing my dress down over my belly, lingering a bit on my basketball. That's what it looks like to me; that I swallowed a basketball. Baby girl kicks my hand, and I can't help but smile. I soothe the area, feeling more movement. I start off down the sidewalk, turning in the direction of my new favorite place to eat. It's close to the OB and my counselor, so I often stop in for a drink or something sweet. They make their desserts by hand, as well as some sandwiches and soups.

They're busy, and I glance down at my watch to see that it's almost 5:30. I stand near the outdoor tables, hoping something will open up soon. I shift on my feet, feeling the ache in the arches. More than once I've wished I had someone at home to rub them for me, but I quickly squash that thought. I don't need to go down that unhappy road in my head.

An older gentleman is getting up from a table, and he stands by his chair and waves me over. I hurry to him, smiling in gratitude. "Thank you so much, sir."

"You shouldn't have to wait for a table. In my book, a pregnant woman gets a seat before others." He smiles kindly, and I lean in and kiss him on the cheek impulsively.

"You're so sweet, thank you. I do need to sit, my feet are killing me," I admit. He pats my cheek and moves on, and I gratefully sit in one of the chairs, resting my purse on the ground at my feet. Jacob should be along soon.

The waiter comes and takes my drink order, offering me a menu. When he goes to another table, I glance down at the menu, already having an idea of what I want. I have the strange feeling suddenly that someone is watching me. The back of my neck tingles, and I feel warmth all over. I look around, but the other patrons and the planters are blocking my view of the street. I do notice Jake at the opening to the patio, so I push my chair back and stand, waving him over. When he reaches my side, he wraps his long arms around me for a hug, squeezing a little too tightly.

"Geez, Jake, stop with the steroids. I can't breathe," I joke. He releases me, and it does not go unnoticed that he trails his hand over my pregnant stomach before linking his hand with mine. The feeling of being watched is back, and I turn my head again. Even a better view of the street doesn't reveal anyone being creepy or nosy, and I sit back down, removing my hand from Jake's. He sits across from me, unapologetic.

"I'm not comfortable with you touching my stomach," I say quietly. I don't want to hurt his feelings; he's been a good friend to me, and he lets me unload frequently. But him touching Edward's baby in that possessive way just feels wrong.

"Sorry," he replies. "It fascinates me."

"Well, you have plenty of them to touch all day long," I say pointedly.

"Okay," he answers, unfazed. The waiter returns, and we place our orders. After I take a sip of the iced tea he brings me, I look at Jake across from me.

"I received separation papers from Edward yesterday," I say very quietly. I glance up as he smoothes out a face that looks too close to pleased.

"I'm sorry for you, that must've been upsetting," he says, sounding sincere. Or maybe that's just the sound of gloating.

"It was, and is. I'm working too hard to get back to where I can be a functional human for him to give up on me so soon." I sigh, rubbing my temple. "I had a terrible nightmare, and then couldn't go back to sleep. I'm exhausted."

"What can I do, Bells? Name anything."

It's tempting. It's very tempting to let Jacob do what he wants so desperately to do for me. It's obvious that he wants to be more than friends, and it's hard not to let him take care of me. Friends take care of each other all the time.

Ugh. I know he can't keep it platonic, though.

"Nothing, Jake. Just lend an ear." He looks disappointed. I sigh, thinking this is how it's always going to be between us. "Do you remember promising not to push me? To just be my friend, and not stress me out by pressing for more?"

He has the decency to look contrite. "I remember. I can take care of you as a friend, Bells."

"I don't think that's how it would turn out."

"Let's change the subject. Have you picked a pediatrician?"

"Yes, someone on Mercer Island."

"Are they highly recommended?" He sounds awfully critical to me.

I sit back as our food is delivered to the table. When the waiter steps away, I snap, "No, Jake, I picked the guy who operates out of a cardboard box with a kitchen scale."

He puts his hands up. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I could get you a list from the office if you needed it, that's all."

"I've already done so, that's where I found the one I chose. He's close to the house."

"Are you staying in that big house alone? Don't you want to sell and come back to Seattle, someplace smaller?"

"Do you _want_ me to get up and leave? I'd really like to finish eating, but you're heading down the wrong conversational path." I raise a bitch brow, which I've perfected thanks to Rose.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll shut up." He resumes eating, and so do I.

A few minutes pass before he says, "Do you have any names picked out?"

I throw down my napkin. "Do you not realize that these are really personal questions?"

"Can a friend not ask personal questions?" he counters.

"Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but names are something I'm not thinking about until I can discuss them with Edward."

"The same guy who filed for separation? How do you know he'll want any part in that?"

"Wow, low blow, Jacob. You know that's what I'm hoping for, and working towards. So yes, I want to talk to him at Alice and Jasper's wedding; about baby names, the house, the pediatrician, and every other damn thing I haven't talked to him about since February when I fell down the rabbit hole."

I flag down the waiter, completely fed up. I get a box and load up the last of my food before looking at Jake. He's red in the face, but he looks angry instead of embarrassed.

"So you know what, Jake?" I push back my chair and struggle to stand, my balance thrown off by my belly. He gets up and takes my arm, helping me to stand. As soon as I'm on my feet, I lean close to his face.

" _Fuck you._ "

I walk away, back to the truck in the parking lot of the doctor's office. It's empty now, so I'm a little annoyed that I walked off alone. I realize I'm crying as I wonder if I overreacted, or if Jacob was really being too pushy.

I don't care. I get in the truck and drive home, pushing thoughts of my supposed friend to the back of my mind.

* * *

 **Thoughts on Jacob? Love him or hate him? I originally wrote this chapter, then 32, before I realized how evil it would be if I switched them.**

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	35. Chapter 34

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for rocking her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **We're getting closer to their reunion!**

* * *

 _Here I sit all alone like an airplane_

 _On the edge of a sky full of solid grey_

 _Staring at the ceiling, tell me that I'm dreaming_

 _Oh, I wish you were here today_

 _._

 _All these days that I know I'll never get back_

 _All the words that I always wish you would've said_

 _All these dreams that we had now fade to black_

 _Try to wash it away_

 _._

 _Here I float through the air like a waterfall_

 _Then I sink to the bottom like a cannonball_

 _Having trouble breathing, suddenly I'm screaming_

 _Why wasn't I good enough?_

 _Even though I know you're not coming back_

 _I can't wash it away_

 _._

 _I'm torn to pieces, I'm broken down_

 _I still see your face when you're not around_

 _I sit here in misery wondering if I'll ever be_

 _Half the man you wanted me to be_

 _It's tearing me to pieces_

 _Tearing me to pieces_

 _._

 _~Pop Evil, Torn To Pieces_

* * *

 **November 2011**

 **EPOV**

Thanksgiving is a tough day for me, with Emmett, Rosalie, and Vera joining us in Forks at Mom and Dad's as usual. Jasper and Alice talk endlessly about their upcoming wedding, and I find it harder and harder to be excited for them. They talk about the seating chart, the guest list, and the DJ. I already know that Bella sent her RSVP, that she is coming alone. Alice and Jasper both wanted her to actually be in the wedding, but understood when she declined. I imagine being so pregnant had something to do with it, and being separated from the bride's brother would probably sway her decision as well. Esme agreed to stand in for her, and that seemed to be fine with Alice. The wedding was almost exactly two months away, so I just had to hold on to my sanity until then, when I could see Bella again.

I made a mistake filing for separation, but I still don't know for sure whether Bella really has moved on with this guy that I saw her with. She hasn't signed the papers, thank God. What the fuck do I do if she's moved on, and she's pregnant with my child? I watch Vera run around with Emmett, and I feel some comfort knowing that I made the effort with the letter I sent and the flowers I've had delivered every week. I made a point of searching for flowers with meaning so she would hopefully know what I was thinking when she received them. She sent a reply earlier in the month thanking me for the flowers, among other things. She asked for time, until the wedding to be exact, and appreciates me admitting that I saw her and that I know she's pregnant. She wants, needs, time to heal and to figure things out. I didn't mention the guy, and neither did she, but at least she included a sonogram picture.

Mom went all out with lunch, as she usually does. I came over early this year and helped, since there wasn't another family to visit. I miss the Swans, which causes my thoughts to constantly veer to Bella, and what she's doing. Is she having Thanksgiving with her new boyfriend? Are they with his family, or are they having their meal at my house, in my kitchen? Have they made it upstairs to the bedroom, to my bed? Is he touching her? Are they-

"Edward," Esme whispers. I turn and find her standing next to me, watching me. "It's okay to talk about it, you know. No one is tired of listening, no one will knock you for your feelings."

"I think that's true about you, Ma, not everyone." My mother, the patron saint of patience.

"Maybe. _Do_ you want to talk?" She rubs her hand over my shoulder and down my back, soothing like she did when I was young.

"I don't know. I don't think I can articulate what I'm feeling anymore." I scrub my hand through my hair, frustrated as hell. "I mean, what could that guy have that I don't? Christ's sake, we're still married, can she really be moving on with someone else while I'm standing here like an ass?"

"Edward, I don't think she's moved on. Maybe she needed a friend after everything that happened." I know she's trying to empathize, but I just can't deal with it.

"I drove her to this, Mom. I left, and I filed for separation, and now she's happier than ever without me." I know I sound like a whiny little boy.

"No, Edward," Esme insists. "You are still her husband, and that means something to a soul like Bella's. She's waiting for you to come back to her, I guarantee it."

"Well, her letter didn't say she was through with me, so maybe you're right. Ugh, I'm sorry I'm terrible company." I scrub my face so hard it hurts.

I leave the kitchen, wandering to where Vera is standing at the french doors and babbling at her reflection. She draws people in with her sunny disposition, and it's hard to be unhappy around her. I want to soak up her sunshine as long as possible, like I can bank it and use it on another day.

I'm going to be a father soon. I'm working on how to win Bella back; hopefully my letters are enough to remind her that I'm waiting for her to heal and come back to me when she's ready. She really wants Alice's wedding to be our opportunity to talk in person. I'm afraid of what she'll say, honestly. If she tells me she's moved on, can I stand back and let her be happy? That would be the right thing to do, but I don't know if I can be that magnanimous.

I'm afraid I'd be more likely to cry and beg, to drop to my knees and crawl if I have to, to convince her to take me back.

I can't let another man raise my child, bottom line.

Vera turns to me, smiling widely and tottering over to me. I bend down and she tilts her face to mine, puckering her tiny mouth and planting it on my face. She misses my lips, kind of catching the corner of my mouth and mostly my cheek.

"Thank you, V. You're a sweet girl," I tell her as I smile at her.

"Unca E! Up, up!" She raises her hands up, and I stand and pick her up. She smacks at my cheeks with her hands, then uses them to turn my head to the room. "Mama." She waves her hands.

Rose sees us and comes over. "V, baby, what are you doing?" She smiles at her daughter.

Vera smiles back and bounces in my arms.

"You know she adores you." Rose runs her hand down Vera's curls. "You're going to be a great dad, Edward."

She doesn't look directly at me, looking instead at Vera. I understand why, and where she's coming from with her statement. She wants me to bash down the door to my house and ravish my wife, convince her to let me come back. She's mentioned groveling once or two hundred times.

"Thanks, Rose." I'm just trying not to blubber like a baby.

Emmett comes over, pecking Rose on the cheek, then leaning into Vera and blowing a raspberry kiss on her cheek. She squeals and bounces in my arms some more. "Rosie, do you want me to put Truvy down in the guest room for her nap?" he asks.

"Yeah, thanks, babe," she answers with a smile.

I hand over the little cherub-like toddler, and Emmett claps his hand on my shoulder as he walks away with her.

"You proved me wrong in the beginning, Edward. I was so scared you'd fall into another trap, the way you did with Tanya. She was poison, detrimental to your mental health, so I didn't trust you to know your heart and mind with Bella." She puts her hands on my face, looking me right in the eyes.

"I was wrong."

I knew she felt that way, but to hear her say it out loud meant more than she even knew. I blink back tears.

"I've told Bella I was wrong, and apologized. I mean, besides the Christmas before you were married. It was during her depression, when I refused to leave regardless of her fit. I think I got through to her a little, but I don't know if she remembers. I just want you to know that I'm rooting for the two of you. "

"You've always done so much for me Rose; I've always thought of you as a second sister."

"And that's part of my point. You've surrounded yourself with your family and friends-"

"Who are also family," I interrupt.

"And Bella doesn't have any family left. If she made a friend, I don't begrudge her that. It takes help to work through tough times. It's okay that she finally remembered that."

"I know you're right, I just wish she'd made friends with a woman. Or an ugly dude." I grimace, picturing the tall American Indian I saw her with. Maybe she's spending time with Carmen, too. A guy can hope.

"Are you _really_ waiting until the wedding to talk to her?" Rose asks.

I nod. "It'll be neutral territory, and it's what she asked for. Her RSVP didn't mention a plus one." I run my hand through my hair, pulling. "I couldn't take it if I went to the house and that guy was there, I don't care if they are friends or whatever. She hasn't responded to any of my calls, just the letter."

"Okay. It's about two more months away, you gonna make it?" she asks with concern in her voice.

"I don't have a choice, do I?" I say, letting Rosalie wrap me in a tight hug.

I spend the rest of the day with my family, trying to remember who I am as just Edward. I have to be strong enough to not lose myself again if something goes wrong in my life. I have to know that I can't run from Bella, even if she falls back into depression. She says she's seeking professional help, and that's definitely what's best. I don't know if this was only caused by the horrible series of events, or her need to stay strong. She was stronger than she knew, taking everything on without letting me share the load. Aside from that, I need to work on my confidence, so that I know that we can overcome anything.

We each have to be strong individually, to work properly as a team. I'm almost to that point on my own, and hope that she has done the same. I need to have a long conversation with her at the wedding. Two more months, including the Christmas holiday, before I see my wife, my Bella, again.

And then I hope to rush home with her and spend the rest of our lives together, the way I always intended.

* * *

 **Thoughts? I've been crazy busy with moving, so if I skip a review, it isn't on purpose. I try to always respond.**

 **facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/**


	36. Chapter 35

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **Feel free to skim if you're a Jacob hater. Just remember that I have the same hard limits that most of you do. And please read at least the last 4 lines.**

* * *

 _There is one who you belong to,_ _whose love- there is no song for._

 _._

 _And though you know it's wrongful,_ _there is someone else you long for._

 _._

 _Your heart was once a vessel,_ _it was filled up to the brim;_

 _._

 _Until the day he left you,_ _now everything sings of him._

 _._

 _Of the two who came to love you,_ _to one, your heart you gave._

 _._

 _He lives in stars above you-_ _in the love who came and stayed._

.

 _~Lang Leav, Lost Love_

* * *

 **December 2011**

 **BPOV**

 **(36 weeks)**

I feel as big as the house itself. I intended to get dressed for the library Christmas party, but I'm so bloated and fat that nothing wants to fit. Struggling to pull on fleece-lined leggings, I find myself panting and exhausted on the bed. I may just have to stay home until I deliver.

After catching my breath, I manage to pull on my maternity sweater and shove my swollen feet into soft boots. Baby girl must be sleeping, because she's been very still and peaceful. I rub circles over the distended part of my fuzzy sweater, and I find comfort in that. The thought of the baby reminds me that I've spent so much time writing letters back and forth with Edward lately, and I feel like we're ready to see each other in a few weeks. Things are looking bright for our future. If I can just get off the bed.

Heaving myself up, I grab my coat and scarf, adding the gloves and hat before dashing out the door. It's so damn cold out, my nose is icy by the time I get in the truck. I turn the heat up all the way, letting the truck idle until it's comfortable. The drive to the library is fairly short, almost making waiting on the heater pointless.

I scan the faces as I step in the front doors, and they close behind me with a quiet whoosh. I see Carmen and Eleazar, the assistant librarian Charlotte and her husband Peter, and the other volunteer, Kate. I think she told me her boyfriend's name is Garrett. Though I may live to regret it, I invited Jacob, and I crane my neck to see if he's there; why, I'm not at all sure, since he'd tower over the stacks. Not seeing him, I decide to make my way to Carmen's side as I peel off my winter wear. Things like this make me feel incredibly uncomfortable, which is in part why I invited Jake in the first place. I need someone to hide behind.

"Hello, Carmen, Eleazar," I say as I approach.

" _Chabela_ , how are you and the _tesoro_? Feeling well?" Eleazar asks.

"Ah, Bella," Carmen says as she hugs me. "I'm so glad you made it. . .Um, are you alone?" Before I can answer either of them, I turn to look in the direction of Carmen's raised eyebrows and see that Jake has just come in the doors. I watch as he looks around the room the way I did, and then he heads towards our little group.

"He's a friend, that works in my obstetrician's office. He had nowhere to spend the holidays." I feel defensive, then shake off that ridiculous emotion. He _is_ a friend. And then he reaches us, and I see the possessive gleam in his eyes as he looks me over, see his hand twitch towards my belly, and I hold out a hand to stop him. In an effort to make it _not_ look like a rebuff, I take his hand to draw him to us, then let go.

"Hey, Bella," he says comfortably. Nothing ever fazes Jacob.

"Jake. This is Carmen, the head librarian, and her husband Eleazar. This is Jacob; he and I played together as kids in La Push, where he's from." I ignore the look on Eleazar's face as he and Jake greet each other. He looks less than happy that I brought someone along.

Jake and I got past our argument when he apologized for overstepping and invited me to the reservation for Thanksgiving. I admitted that I'd probably overreacted. It was nearly impossible to stay mad at Jake, since literally nothing bothered him. We spent the day in his dad's tiny red house, the rooms almost too small with Jacob's large frame taking up so much space. Billy, who I remembered was at the funeral for my parents, refrained from commenting on my situation, instead treating me exactly like the daughter of one of his oldest friends. He and Jake had an easy relationship, ribbing each other constantly. It was comfortable, and Jacob behaved. We didn't have a traditional Thanksgiving, which was fine since it was just the three of us. Jacob's sisters rarely came home for holidays anymore, according to Jake. I guess the small reservation was too bumpkin for them, now that they were city girls.

Jake was my driver that day, so I napped on the way back home. It was the first time I'd allowed him to come to the house, and it was only a little awkward. It was strange to see him occupying the same space that used to contain Edward. He'd only been there a few minutes, sticking to the kitchen area, and leaving on his own suggestion. I was grateful for the way he treated the day, like we were friends and nothing more. Those were the times I felt closest to him, as though we could remain friends long after Edward and I reconciled.

"Jake, it's nice to meet you," Carmen says politely. El is not as pleasant.

"Have you heard from _tu marido_ , _Chabela_?" he asks pointedly, staring Jake down much the way he looked at Mike that long ago day.

This only causes a pain to settle in my chest. I've spent so much time worrying about Edward and what he's doing for the holidays; at least I know he has his family.

"Not since his last letter a week ago. Ali texted me to ask how I was doing. I told her everything is fine, and I look forward to seeing them all at the wedding." I know that I will finally feel ready to talk to him, to all of them, by then.

"That's coming up soon, no?" Eleazar asks, and I start to feel like it's an inquisition.

Clearly I'm not the only one that thinks he's not being very subtle, because I catch the nonverbal exchange between him and Carmen.

"I'm sure Bella wishes to mingle, El. Let's let her be." She pulls him along as she heads to a different group.

I look up to Jake. "Have you grown taller since Thanksgiving?"

He laughs warmly. "I promise I haven't. Maybe if you weren't short as well as pale-faced, you wouldn't find me so tall." He grins, and it's an easy thing that passes between us, like brother and sister. We spend most of the party laughing and joking, and I get several looks from the other employees that make me wonder what they're thinking. We talk with Kate and Garrett, but they're a little young, and I find I have more in common with Charlotte. She and her husband are Seattle natives, and know everything there is to know about the city. We talk about the sidewalk cafes, and Jake and I tell them about our favorite. When Charlotte asks how long he and I have been together, I can only laugh. She's met Edward, so it seems like she's jumping to conclusions. Jake looks amused as he tells her we're just friends.

When it gets to be late, Jake asks if he can follow me home, and I readily agree. When we get to the house we run through the frosty air and I slam the front door behind us, leaning on it and laughing like a fool. When I push away from the door, I make my way into the kitchen and glance at the lovely poinsettias from Edward on the counter before setting up a tray and mugs for hot chocolate. Jake follows and sits on a stool at the counter, as I heat milk in a pan, stirring to make sure it doesn't boil too hard.

As I add the sugar and cocoa powder, I hear the stool scrape as Jake gets up. I feel his height behind me like a wall, the heat pumping off him in waves. I'm thinking he's standing too close, and as I turn off the burner, I suddenly feel very nervous.

Then his hand is on my shoulder, burning through my sweater, and he turns me around. I find myself tilting my head back to meet his gaze, my eyes traveling up his broad chest and strong shoulders, and I realize with a jolt that he's actually very attractive. I see as my eyes meet his that he's staring at me in a way that makes me think he wants to devour me. His hands run over my stomach as he reverently caresses the swell of my belly.

"It would be so perfect, Bella," he breathes huskily. "We're just right together, do you realize that? A perfect fit." His hands touch my face, and I realize how much I've missed such simple contact. His fingertips graze my jaw, and he dips his head closer to me. "You feel it too, don't you?" His warm breath fans across my face, and his mouth is mere centimeters from mine.

It would take nothing at all, I realize suddenly. An agreement between friends, my head nodding in consent, a tiny word, insignificant and monumental at the same time. I could take his hand, lead him up the stairs, and no more words would need to be spoken tonight. Could I betray my absent heart for one night of much needed comfort?

But I remember all the sweet letters, and this baby that is Edward's. That's Edward's bed, and I can't be anything other than Edward's wife.

I squeeze my eyes tightly closed. "You need to leave," I say softly on an exhale. I feel chilled as he moves away from me, taking his body heat with him.

I don't open my eyes until I hear the front door slam, and that resonating sound seems angry and final, but I can't find it in me to care.

I'm alone again, only this time I'm strong enough to endure.

* * *

 _The meaning behind the Poinsettia:_ _December birth flower, symbolizes good cheer and success and is said to bring wishes of mirth and celebration._

Spanish translations:

 _Chabela_ \- nickname for Isabella

 _Tesoro_ \- treasure

 _Tu marido_ \- your husband

 **Did you at least read those last 4 lines?**

 **I originally ended this before she decided to kick him out. Alas, I don't have a bomb shelter to hide in.**

 **If you join the fb group, I'll tell you the meaning of the poem at the top. facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/**


	37. Chapter 36

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **It's time!**

* * *

 _From the moment the lights went off_

 _Everything had changed_

 _Lie awake in an empty room_

 _In my head it all feels the same_

 _._

 _Like the taste of the day I left_

 _That still lingers on my breath_

 _And the dampness of tears that left_

 _A stain where you had wept_

 _._

 _No need to cry about it_

 _I cannot live without it_

 _Why do you do this to me?_

 _You penetrate right through me_

 _._

 _If I took you for granted_

 _I apologize for acting tough_

 _You're my reason for living_

 _And there's no way I'm giving up_

 _._

 _No need to cry about it_

 _But I may just die without it_

 _._

 _~Maroon 5, Back At Your Door_

* * *

 **January 2012**

 **EPOV**

I'm more nervous today than I was on my own wedding day. It's been a little over six months since I left Bella, and I just want everything to go smoothly when I see her again.

I'm pacing by the front doors of the venue, watching the handful of guests trickle in. It's still early, so I don't know when she'll show. I look at each face, each person that means so little to me right now.

I feel like a teenage virgin about to finally get laid.

My tie is strangling me. There's something crushing my chest. I can't breathe.

Jesus Christ, I have to get out of here before the panic attack overwhelms me.

As I stumble out into the sunshine and brisk air, my hands pressed to my chest where my heart is supposed to be, I hear it.

The most beautiful, melodic sound in the universe.

"Edward?"

The constriction eases immediately, and I can breathe again. I straighten up. She's standing there, a vision in a long green dress, pulling off a coat as she prepares to step inside. Her hair is longer, thick and shiny, waving and curling down over her breasts. I try not to notice that those are different as well, larger and fuller like her abdomen. There's a flush on her face, and her eyes are bright, focused on my face as she bites her red lip.

"Bella," her name rushes out of me like a benediction.

"Are you. . ." She looks over her shoulder.

"No! No, I was, uh, looking for you. Um." I swallow, back to being the nervous teenager about to jizz in his pants.

"Okay. Can we go inside?" She sounds so serene, and I falter again.

Does she still want to reconcile? Has she moved on? These things are running through my mind as I gesture for her to precede me back inside. There are more people arriving, milling around in the foyer, and people keep coming up to me, congratulating me on my sister's behalf. I'm getting exasperated.

I just want to make out with my wife in the janitor's closet, for God's sake.

She stands near me, about an arm's length away, as more guests come up to me. I surreptitiously study her dress, dark green and floor length, long sleeved with a scooped neck. I take her coat from her and our fingers brush, her gasp quiet as sparks seem to jolt between our hands. The flush has spread from her face down her chest, and she's breathing a bit faster.

I need to adjust my pants, but it's too crowded in here for that. I guess my dick missed her as much as I did, because I can't stop staring at how gorgeous she is.

Emmett and Rose come around the corner just then, and their daughter comes as fast as she can ahead of them. She's in a little white, fluffy dress, ready to be the flower girl.

Vera sees Bella and me first, and she stops short.

Emmett looks up from his wife's cleavage as she stops, too. We all sort of stare at each other for a second.

"Bella?" says Rose.

"Annie Bewwa!" Vera screams, running toward Bella. I watch in fascination as Bella holds a hand out to steady herself on the wall and uses the other hand to pull up the hem of her dress. She kneels, and both my hands shoot out towards her, but I don't touch her.

Vera launches herself into Bella's arms, her legs tangling in the bottom of her dress. Bella helps her extricate her Mary Jane's, and Vera just laughs and starts babbling, then she presses kisses to Bella's lips.

The magical sound of Bella laughing completely heals the fractures in my heart. She's happy, and that's what matters most.

Emmett and Rosalie unfreeze and come over to us, and Bella looks up. She sets Vera on her feet, and I gently grasp her upper arm to help her stand. Tears swim in my eyes as I realize that it's such an insignificant touch, but she meets my eyes and smiles kindly.

"Thanks for the help." Bella turns to the McCartys.

"Hey, guys."

Emmett, the bastard, steps right up to her and engulfs her in a bear hug. She wraps her arms around his middle, and it looks like she's squeezing him tightly.

"I missed you, little sister," I hear from Emmett, muffled as he buries his head in the top of her hair.

He releases her, and Rose comes for a turn. The two ladies seem to hug more fiercely, their slender arms wrapped tightly around each other's shoulders.

When they pull apart, they both laugh lightly and wipe the corners of their eyes.

I still haven't touched more than her arm.

The doors in front of us open, and Jasper comes out, looking excited and not at all nervous. He spots us, coming over to stand next to Bella.

"Sunshine," he nods. "I'm glad you came."

Bella nods back, and I notice they don't look interested in hugging. I can't figure that one out.

"It's time for the wedding party to get situated, and the guests to be seated," he says.

"Okay," I respond, turning to Bella. I'm suddenly absolutely terrified she'll vanish when I step away. "I'll find you after the ceremony, yes?"

She bites her lush red lip and nods.

I'm swept away with the others, Jasper, Emmett and I going to the the altar while Rosalie disappears through a door to the back. The guests come in and take seats, and I watch Bella make her way to a chair near the front, on the groom's side. She's glowing, and I feel this warmth spread through me as I look down at her from my place next to Jasper.

Then the music changes, and Mom appears at the other end of the aisle, looking younger than ever. She slowly walks up to the front, and stands at the far end opposite Emmett. Rosalie comes next, walking with Miss Truvy as she grasps handfuls of white rose petals from the basket Rose is carrying, and tossing them in the air. She laughs as they float down around her feet, then does it again. Everyone chuckles at her, and then Rose hands her off to her parents before joining Esme, standing in the Matron of Honor's place.

When the music changes again, Ali makes her way down the aisle, holding on to our father's arm as they make their way to the slow march of the song. I find myself tuning out the ceremony once she reaches us, instead staring at Bella as she watches her best friend marry my sister. I'm tuned in enough to hand Jasper my sister's wedding band, and Rose does the same for Alice. It seems to be over so quickly, and then the guests are standing as Alice and Jasper clasp hands and head back down the aisle. There're to be pictures before we go anywhere, and the reception is on the same floor, just a few rooms down.

I panic when I can't find Bella where I last saw her. She's not near her seat, not anywhere on that row or the next, and I start to push people aside as I head to the front rooms, sweat popping out on my forehead. She couldn't have left. She said she'd see me after the ceremony.

 _Damn it._

Frantically, I make it back to the foyer, and finally see her as she emerges from the ladies room. I rush to her, feeling like a lunatic. She has a startled look on her face as I come up to her quickly.

"I-I couldn't find you, and I. . .uh, I'm glad I did." I sound like an idiot.

"I just needed to run to the restroom." She strokes her belly, and I feel a sharp pang of jealousy. "It's an hourly event, sometimes more."

I'm struck again at how serene she seems. Confident, relaxed. "Oh, yeah. I see." And I still sound like a bumbling idiot.

"Edward! Pictures!" Emmett calls from down the corridor, and I cringe. When am I going to catch a break?

"Will you come?" I ask. If I can talk her into it, I want pictures of her looking so spectacular. She nods, and follows me to the spot previously picked out for pictures. There's a lovely mosaic on the wall in jewel tones, and Alice and Jasper are standing in the middle, the rest of the family spread out as they wait for the photographer to arrange them. I point to a spot against the wall.

"Stay," I order. She rolls her eyes and leans against the wall.

When we've taken a million pictures, I ask everyone if Bella can join us, and Alice agrees. We take several group shots with her in them, then everyone melts away as if on some silent cue, and it's just me and Bella and the photographer.

He suggests a pose, and I realize that I finally get the chance to touch her, to feel like her husband again for a few glorious moments. I stand behind her, and her body fits perfectly against mine as she lines up in front of me. I lean into her, breathing deeply and closing my eyes as I place my hands on her stomach, finally feeling our baby. There's a bumping as the baby kicks, and I gasp a little in wonder, grinning like a fool. Bella turns to look at me, moving my hand so I can feel another kick. I'm vaguely aware of the click-click of the camera, and I'm grateful that he's capturing all of it.

And then we're alone, finally. I've stepped away from her, and she's facing me, and I'm mute. There's a lump where the words are supposed to be. I don't know where to start, and I don't know what to say.

"Edward? Do you want to talk now, or later?" she says gently.

Now, of course. But is that what she wants? _How about I kiss you with all of my pent up desire, and we skip the reception so I can get to know your body again, the way it's changed since I last touched it?_

Instead, I say, "Now, if that's okay with you."

"Of course." She pushes her hair out of her face. "I don't know where to start."

"Are you happy?" I blurt out.

"Yes, Edward, I'm happy. Are you?" she returns.

This is not the answer I wanted. Of course I want her to be happy, just not without me. "I'm not exactly happy, no." She frowns at my response. "I think I've come a long way since June, and I've resolved some issues, but I'm not happy overall. I pushed you away, thinking you would find happiness without me. If that's the case, if you really are happier without me, then I can't stand in your way. If you've moved on with someone else, then I only have myself to blame."

"Someone else?" she questions, and I feel like an ass.

"I admit, when I saw you a couple of months ago, outdoors somewhere, that's why I started sending flowers and the letters. You were with a man, a guy, and I saw that you were pregnant. I don't even know-"

"Just like this baby is yours, so am I. I've never _not_ been yours."

* * *

 **To be continued next chapter, from Bella's POV.**

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	38. Chapter 37

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **Now it's Bella's version of the wedding.**

* * *

 _I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say  
That I just want you to know_

 _I've found a reason for me_  
 _To change who I used to be_  
 _A reason to start over new_  
 _and the reason is you_

 _I'm sorry that I hurt you_  
 _It's something I must live with everyday_  
 _And all the pain I put you through_  
 _I wish that I could take it all away_  
 _And be the one who catches all your tears_  
 _That's why I need you to hear_

 _I've found a reason for me_  
 _To change who I used to be_  
 _A reason to start over new_  
 _and the reason is you_

 _I've found a reason to show_  
 _A side of me you didn't know_  
 _A reason for all that I do_  
 _And the reason is you_

 _~Hoobastank, The Reason_

* * *

 **January 1, 2012**

 **BPOV**

 **Almost Due**

I don't feel as nervous as I thought I would, getting ready for Alice's wedding. I asked Carmen to come over and help me out, and she encourages me to go more glamorous than I would have on my own. My emerald dress is long, with a low scoop neck and lacy bodice. The empire waist makes it incredibly comfortable, the way it flows down loosely to give baby girl plenty of room.

I look myself over in the mirror, my hair curly and arranged over the front of my shoulders. It's grown like crazy since I became pregnant, and I'm pleased with the way it looks now. My eye makeup is a bit heavier, my lips bright red.

I'm excited as I get in the car Carmen is loaning me, since it's more comfortable to sit in than the truck. She leans in and kisses my cheek, wishing me luck and telling me not to take no for an answer.

When I park and head towards the large double doors at the entrance of the hotel, I stop when I see Edward emerging. I'm in the middle of taking my coat off, wanting to give the best impression as I head in.

He looks stricken, and I stop walking to watch him. His face is ashen, his hands clenched over his shirt like he's about to rip it off. I feel so bad for him, I decide to let him know I'm here.

"Edward?"

His head snaps up, and his face relaxes completely. His eyes roam over me, and I do the same with him; drinking in the sight of him like someone who's dehydrated. He's so handsome in his tuxedo, and it reminds me of the day we were married. His clean shaven face shows off his strong, sharp jaw, and I linger on his full lips and expressive mouth. I would love nothing more than to rush forward and kiss him stupid.

His eyes are dark, more evergreen than emerald, as he stares at me in disbelief.

"Bella," my name rushes out of him in a whoosh, like it feels strange in his mouth and he's spitting it out.

"Are you. . ." I'm not sure where he was heading, so I gesture over my shoulder.

"No! No, I was, uh, looking for you. Um." It's so sweet how flustered he sounds.

"Okay. Can we go inside?" I ask. It's pretty cold.

I don't think it's appropriate to touch him this early on, but I'm glad he can finally see me pregnant. His letters have mentioned wanting to wait for me to be ready to come back to him; now at least we can spend a few weeks together before our baby is born. We stand together in the hallway, and people coming in stop to tell him they're happy for his sister, to give him congratulations to pass on. He's obviously getting frustrated, but he offers to take my coat to hang on the rack. His fingers brush mine, and I gasp as I feel the heat and familiar lightning from his fingertips, a feeling that spreads throughout my body. It's been so long.

Emmett and Rose come around the corner with Vera, and true to her nature, she launches herself at me. I carefully lower myself to her height and catch her in my arms. I close my eyes as I hug her tightly, then smile at her as she talks rapidly, and kisses me. There's no resisting her charm, and I laugh at her huge smile. When I stand again Edward helps me, and I feel branded where he touched me.

Emmett hugs me, followed by Rose. I tear up at the thought of how I missed the two of them very much.

When Jasper comes up to us, I can see he's still mad at me, though he greets me in his usual manner. He's the only one I had contact with early on, and I know from our conversations that he's hurt I haven't seen him. Still, it's a relationship that'll repair more easily than the one I tentatively have with Edward.

The ceremony seems to fly by; I'm aware of Edward watching me, but by the time they're announced husband and wife, I have no choice but to rush to the bathroom.

I'm startled to see him running at me when I come back out, but then I read the expression on his face. He's terrified, likely thinking I've left without talking to him.

I'm more than happy to join them in the pictures; in a perfect world, I was meant to be a bridesmaid instead of Esme. It feels comfortable, exactly like we've never been apart.

When everyone leaves, and it's just the two of us and the photographer, I know what I want. I want Edward's hands on me, and I know how to get what I want. The standard maternity pose with the man behind the woman, cradling her pregnant belly. It's amazing when she kicks his hand, and he looks down in awe. She does it again, and I move his hand to feel it. This was all I ever wanted, and I know that I'm completely healed in this moment. Edward had the chance to feel the baby kick, and I feel certain that even if he can't forgive me, he'll at least stay friends with me and we can raise our daughter together.

And then it's just the two of us. He seems to be at a loss for words, so I decide to take pity on him, because I can see all over his face how he's feeling.

"Edward, do you want to talk now, or later?" I ask gently.

He fidgets, looking nervous, annoyed, and frustrated. "Now, if that's okay with you."

"Of course," I reply, pushing my heavy hair out of my face. "I don't know where to start."

"Are you happy?" he blurts out. That's not exactly what I thought he'd say.

"Yes, Edward, I'm happy. Are you?" I don't have to think about it; I've spent months working to ensure I can be happy on my own, no matter what comes my way. With or without Edward.

"I'm not exactly happy, no." I frown at his response. It's all I want for him. "I think I've come a long way since June, and I've resolved my issues, but I'm not happy overall. I know I pushed you away, thinking you would find happiness without me. If that's the case, if you really are happier without me, then I can't stand in your way. If you've moved on with someone else, then I only have myself to blame."

Oh, God. He saw me, he knew that I'm pregnant, and now he thinks I've moved on with someone else?

"Someone else?" I question, to be positive we're on the same page.

"I admit, when I saw you a couple of months ago, outdoors somewhere, that's why I started sending flowers and the apology letter. You were with a man, a guy, and I saw that you were pregnant. I don't even know-"

"Just like this baby is yours, so am I. I've never _not_ been yours." I interrupt him to ease his suffering, because I'm tired of all of this. "Look, I love you." His entire face lights up with those words. "It felt like it was the end of the world when I lost our first baby, followed by my parents. I was angry about all of it, thinking everyone had left me. It was stupid of me to forget that you were always there for me, in all of the ways you knew how."

He runs his hands through his hair, stepping closer to me. I can feel the emotions vibrating off of his body, and they mirror my own.

"I kept feeling like I wasn't supposed to love you anymore. But I do, Bella. I love you more than ever, and I'll never forgive myself for leaving," he says, almost desperately.

"There's nothing to forgive," I say honestly. "We have plenty of time to talk about all of it, but can you just. . .God, just _kiss me."_

He immediately takes my face in his hands, and presses his lips to mine. It feels just like he's branding me with his touch. I wind my hands in his hair, tilting my face up and rising on my tiptoes. It's everything I've longed for, for too many months. His body curls around my belly, and we somehow fit together like we were never apart.

His mouth moves urgently against mine, nipping my lips, stroking his tongue against mine. I can hardly breathe for the excitement racing through my veins, and I break away to drag in a long breath, then press against him again.

When I feel wetness between my legs, at first it doesn't surprise me. Edward has always had that effect on me. Then a feel a sharp pain in my abdomen, and I stand very still. Edward realizes I'm frozen, and stops kissing me, looking at my face.

"I-I think. . .I think my water just broke," I say, feeling stunned.

He looks at me funny, then understanding dawns on his face.

"We're having a baby!" he shouts.

* * *

 **Just for the record, she hasn't reached her due date, but she is considered full term.**

 **facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/**


	39. Chapter 38

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **Finally some happiness for these two; maybe a tiny tissue warning.**

* * *

 _Well I started out down a dirty road_

 _Started out all alone_

 _And the sun went down as I crossed the hill_

 _And the town lit up, the world got still_

 _._

 _I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings_

 _Coming down is the hardest thing_

 _Well, the good ol' days may not return_

 _And the rocks might melt and the sea may burn_

 _I'm learning to fly but I ain't got wings_

 _Coming down is the hardest thing_

 _._

 _Well, some say life will beat you down_

 _Break your heart, steal your crown_

 _So I've started out for God-knows-where_

 _I guess I'll know when I get there_

 _._

 _I'm learning to fly, around the clouds_

 _But what goes up must come down_

 _I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings_

 _Coming down is the hardest thing_

 _I'm learning to fly around the clouds_

 _._

 _~Tom Petty, Learning To Fly_

* * *

 **BPOV**

As I lay exhausted in the hospital bed, I'm surrounded by all the people I love. And it feels like a perfect ending to a perfect day. I've got my little girl, and I've got my husband. Jasper and Alice have changed their clothes and are cooing at the baby in the bassinet. Rose and Emmett have just arrived, after seeing V off with Rose's parents. Esme is impatiently waiting to hold her granddaughter, bickering with Alice about letting a sleeping baby sleep. She is still in her formal gown, as is Rosalie. Emmett, Carlisle, and Edward are still in tuxedos.

Edward in a tuxedo with an unbuttoned shirt and no tie is completely unfair to womankind, especially the one that just pushed a basketball out of her lady bits and can't get near her husband's dick for ages.

Completely unfair.

For now, he is sitting on the edge of my bed, stroking his fingers up and down my forearm. His touch is light, but warm, a trail blazing where he strokes. My eyelids droop, and I content myself to listen to my family around me.

"We'll always have a memorable anniversary," Jasper points out.

"So true," Alice replies.

"I want to hold her _so much_ ," Esme says petulantly, again. "What did you say her eyes look like?"

"They're such a dark blue, almost grey," Edward's voice rumbles from beside me, and the sound makes me smile.

"I love her name," Alice says. "It's a nice tribute."

"She and Vera will be best friends," Rose says, and the other ladies agree.

"I'll be back," that deep bass that can only belong to one person.

"Gift shop," Alice and Rose say simultaneously.

Carlisle chuckles. "Esme, sweetie, back off. She's not going anywhere," he says indulgently.

Esme sighs. "I know, I just want to hold her, _so much_."

I speak up, my eyes still closed. "Go ahead, Esme. I know you're dying to, and even if she wakes, it'll be fine."

"You say that now, because you've never woken a baby and watched them turn into a screaming nightmare," Rose laughs.

I smile, but I'm mostly asleep, so I don't respond. I just want to know that everyone is here, with me.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

Arriving home from the hospital with Edward, Esme, and Alice is surreal. Alice dashes up the stairs to check on the nursery, and Edward sets the car seat down carefully on the floor of the living room. Esme drops next to me on the couch, dipping her head to rest it on my shoulder.

"All she does is sleep," Esme complains.

I snort, and Edward laughs. "That's because you go home at night, when she's most awake," I tell her.

"She eats a lot," Edward observes.

"You can usually set a clock by a newborn, that's true," she says.

Alice bounds back down the stairs. "Diapers are set up in the changing table, and I took the package out of the crib."

"Package?" Edward asks.

 _Shit._

"Thanks, Ali. I'll get to it later," I say, hoping Edward doesn't ask again.

"You'll want to set up as much down here as you can," Esme remarks, and I think she's intuitively helping to cover for me. "So that you don't have to run up and down the stairs when you need something."

"That's what Edward's for," Alice says.

There's a stirring, soft as a mouse, and a tiny squeak. Esme and Alice fly into action, pulling off blankets, unbuckling and removing straps, and then, finally, Esme lifts Charlie out of the car seat. Edward collapses onto the couch next to me, taking my hand and kissing the back of it.

"Do you think we'll ever hold her in the daylight hours again?" he asks.

I laugh. "Probably not." I look at his face as he watches his mother soothing his daughter, his sister touching her perfect pink cheek.

"It's everything, isn't it?" he asks quietly, and I lean into him, resting my cheek on the side of his arm. His hold tightens on my hand.

"I know exactly what you mean."

 **~~~oOo~~~**

With everything going on, I'd forgotten about the Christmas present I'd dropped in the crib when it arrived. I wasn't sure I wanted to open it, because I knew it was ordered before I'd sent him out of my house.

I haven't, nor do I expect to, heard from Jake since the night he was here on Christmas Eve. Charlie arriving cancelled out my next appointment, and I don't have to see the OB until my six week checkup. I'm not sure if I want to see him then, with Edward and Charlie by my side, or if I want to pretend he doesn't exist.

He was a good friend to me, but always with an ulterior motive just under the surface. I don't think we can be friends anymore, because I don't think he can handle being friends with a married, committed woman.

Though we haven't done any serious talking in the past few days in the hospital, I know that Edward and I are in a far better place. I know that we will get to where we need to be, because I believe we've done that separately with success. Yes, we missed each other desperately while we were apart, but we each worked to make ourselves whole as a single person, before coming back together as a unit. I know that our previous issues were due to a lack of communication. My therapist and I talked about how it started with me, but by the end, Edward wasn't communicating either. It's possible my need to be perfect in order to feel good about myself started the avalanche, but neither of us dodged the debris. It just accumulated until we could no longer stand under the weight.

I rip off the pink snowflake paper, looking down at the large gift basket filled with pink items for Charlie. Onesies, blankets, toys, the works. I feel a small pang of guilt, for Jake and for Edward. I need to talk to Edward about Jake, and vice versa. Sighing, I shove the gift into the back of the closet and ball up the paper, carrying it downstairs and straight out to the recycle bins in the garage. I'm not exactly hiding, just procrastinating.

I hear Edward before I see him; my lullaby lilts and echoes from the piano in the family room. I go in there, smiling at the sight of him there, exactly where he belongs. As the song comes to an end, he looks up at me, rising immediately and coming to me.

"What's wrong?" he asks worriedly, solicitously.

"Wrong?" I repeat, feeling dumbfounded. There is nothing wrong anymore.

"You're crying." He sounds offended.

I reach up and swipe a fingertip under my eye, feeling the wetness. "I didn't realize I was. It's just because you were there, playing your piano again." I sniffle. "I missed that," I whisper.

He looks questioningly at me, and I nod. His arms go around me, and he holds me tightly in his strong arms. I wind mine around his waist, holding on for dear life. The tears are streaming down my face now.

"I think I'm ready for bed. I'm so exhausted," I admit. "Where's Charlie?"

Edward laughs. "Mom has her, of course. Alice left a little while ago, but not before she made sure the guest room was set up for Mom. She told us to go ahead to bed when we were ready, by the way."

I nod. "That's nice of her." I reach for a tissue and wipe my face. "Hormones aren't done with me just yet," I sigh.

Edward and I head upstairs, and I realize what Esme was saying about the stairs as I wince with each step. Edward stoops, swooping me into his arms and carrying me up the stairs. I laugh lightly as he sets me on my feet at the top floor landing, and it's a freeing feeling. We walk down the hall hand in hand, and then start getting ready for bed. I don't feel shy like I thought I might, but my movements are slow and careful as I change clothes.

And then I stand in our master bedroom, looking at the bed we once shared, and those damn hormones take over as I realize we're finally going to share it again. I feel him come and stand behind me.

"I thought constantly of having the chance to be in your arms in this bed again," I admit.

He walks past me, turning down the duvet and then the sheets. He holds his hand out to me, and I can't help the tears that flow freely. I step to him, accepting his outstretched hand. He brings our joined hands to his lips and kisses my fingers, then gestures towards the bed. I sit carefully, and he helps me swing my legs up, tucking me in. He climbs in on his side of the bed, and I immediately roll to face him.

His face is inches from mine, and instead of speaking, I crush my mouth to his, kissing him with love and longing. His tears mingle with mine, and I feel whole again. I slip easily into a dreamless sleep with Edward's arms wrapped snugly around me.

* * *

 **Not done quite yet, the big talk is coming.**

 **I have a picture of Charlie on the group page! facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/**


	40. Chapter 39

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **There is a huge tissue warning for this chapter.**

* * *

 _I sit alone and watch the clock_

 _Trying to collect my thoughts_

 _All I think about is you_

 _And so I cry myself to sleep_

 _And hope the devil I don't meet_

 _In the dreams that I live through_

 _._

 _All the smiles you had to fake_

 _And all the shit you had to take_

 _Just to lead us here again_

 _I never have the things to say_

 _To make it all just go away_

 _To make it all just disappear_

 _._

 _Believe in me_

 _I know you've waited for so long_

 _Believe in me_

 _Sometimes the weak become the strong_

 _Believe in me_

 _Life's not always what it seems_

 _Believe in me_

 _Cause I was made for chasing dreams_

 _._

 _It's my life_

 _It's my choice_

 _Hear my words_

 _Hear my voice_

 _And just believe_

 _._

 _~Staind, Believe_

* * *

 **EPOV**

 **February 2012**

It's been about a month since Bella gave birth to our daughter. It feels like we've been avoiding the _big talk_ that I know we need to have. I'm eager to show Bella how far I've come, and how much I know deep down that I can't live without her. Not without being miserable, at least.

Days and nights are consumed with Charlie, rightfully so. She is such a pretty, happy baby, with dark hair and grey-blue eyes. She's long and slender, and I can't get over her pink cheeks and perfect pink mouth. Bella says her eyes are so dark that they will probably darken to brown within a year.

That's fine with me; it means she'll be the spitting image of Bella.

My mom has spent a lot of time at our house, helping us at night especially. Then one day I realize she tends to orbit around Bella.

"Ma, do you follow Bella around because you think she can't handle the baby?" I finally ask her when we're both in the kitchen. She stops washing the bottle in her hand, turning to stare at me.

"I should smack you for that." She shakes her head disapprovingly. "It's because I've missed her so much, you dolt."

I look at her in surprise, feeling stupid. "Oh."

"And she knows it, too, so don't think _I'm_ making her feel inadequate." She leaves me standing there, muttering under her breath.

So I guess I pissed her off.

I'm impressed with the woman Bella has become in the months we were apart. She's confident, calm, and seems to know exactly what to do with Charlie. Where I fumble to figure out why she's crying, Bella just picks her up and fixes the problem, often only needing to sway back and forth with her a little. It's as though she was simply made to be a mother.

I decide one night when Charlie is down for the next few hours that I want to approach Bella to talk. I find her sitting in one of the armchairs in our bedroom, folding the tiny clothes that invade the laundry these days. She looks up at me and smiles as I come in.

"Can I help?" I ask, grabbing something out of the basket and sitting in the other chair. I hold it up, looking at the snaps and the flap, and I have no clue what to do with it.

"If you can," she responds, with a laugh in her voice.

I simply fold it in half and grab another. It may not look as pretty as hers, but I can figure it out enough to be helpful.

"I want to talk," I state, somewhat like an announcement. I don't know how else to start what we've been putting off. Still, I feel like an ass with the way I blurted it out.

Her hands drop to her lap and she leans back. "Okay."

I guess this means I have to go first. I don't know why I feel like apologizing before we've even started. "I just want to make sure we really are in the same place." I tug on my hair in frustration.

" _I_ think we are." I can see she is really not going to make this easy on me.

"We need to discuss what went on while we were apart," I try to hint.

"And by _we_ , you mean _me._ " She raises her brow like Rosalie. I'm not fooling her at all.

"Fine, I'll start." I clench and unclench my hands, knowing how much this is going to suck. "I stayed at Mom and Dad's for a week. Mom convinced me that I needed to grieve for our son, and made it clear I was an idiot for leaving. I cried, a lot." She frowns. "I let out the feelings that were always hovering, how guilty I felt for leaving, your parents, the baby." I draw in a deep breath and let it out. "I realized I couldn't stay with Mom and Dad, so I left and went to Alice and Jasper. _He_ made it clear he held us both responsible." She nods. "Alice said she'd seen you out running errands, and that you looked healthier and happier. That was hard for me, I admit."

"Why was hearing that I was better, hard for you?" she asks with an edge to her voice.

"Because I only left to give you a chance at happiness. I thought I was dragging you down, that I wasn't good enough for you. And at the time, it appeared that I was right, and that me leaving fixed you, made you happy again. That was leftover from Tanya" -she flinches- "and I've realized that. I've worked on regaining my confidence, and realizing that we were made for each other. My only worry is that you don't agree. But you're here, so you must," I finish lamely.

"I do agree, let me get that out of the way." She reaches over and brushes her hand through my hair. "Don't think for one second that I was happier without you. I was able to find a way to be happy on my own, and discovered that I could live without you. But that doesn't mean that I was _happier_ without you."

Hearing her say she could be happy without me hurts, more than I would have thought possible. My hand goes to my chest, pressing against my heart as the familiar ache threatens. I feel the tears pricking at my eyes, threatening to fall.

"Don't do that," she chides. "I choose to live with you, to love you, because _that_ makes me the happiest. _You_ make me happier than I have ever been." She strokes my leg. "You and Charlie," she murmurs. "I didn't realize at first that I was pregnant, and only then did I decide to get up and _do_ something. So I spent our time apart seeing a therapist several times a week. I took walks, I ate healthy. I knew that I needed to get myself together before asking you to come back, even though I was petrified that you didn't _want_ to come back. I was afraid that if I were to tell you I was pregnant, you would have run back for the baby before I could get back on my feet, and everything would still be broken. I'm sorry that I kept you away. I don't know if you can forgive me, but I needed to follow your advice and ask for help. Your constant reminders were part of that help." She smiles tentatively.

"I'm proud of you, Bella," I say quietly. "You went through so much alone. I warred with myself, but I realized in the end that your health was more important than my wants. I realized that we would be back together before the baby came, although the stinker was a little earlier than I expected her to be, and that I could live with that."

"I wasn't entirely alone. I spent time with Carmen and Eleazar. And, of course, I know you want to know about Jake."

My vision blurs at his name. I want to track him down and pummel him for thinking he could ever touch what's mine.

"He's an intern at the obstetrician's, and I've known him since I was little. We played together on First Beach as kids." She's watching my face, and she smoothes her fingers over my brow. "Nothing. . .whatever you might be thinking, he was just a friend." She waves a hand dismissively. "He got too pushy in December, and I had to show him the door."

"Good," I growl. My head is buzzing with the thoughts flicking through it.

"In all honesty, he was a decent friend. I spent some time with him; Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. I was weak for a brief moment, but I couldn't. . .I don't know how much you want to hear. Nothing at all happened."

"I can't blame you for anything you did while I was gone. Fuck, I'm the idiot that filed separation papers. I was trying to force your hand because I didn't know what you wanted. But, honestly, it would kill me to know that anything had actually. . .happened," I finish quietly.

"I couldn't, Edward. I'm so in love with you, I couldn't imagine not being yours. My goal was always to get you back, no matter how hard I had to work for it. Your continuous letters helped me to remember what I was working towards." She sets aside the laundry basket and gets up, coming to stand in front of me. I lean my forehead against her stomach, and she runs her hands through my hair.

"I love you, Bella. It's a fierce thing, the way I feel for you. I could never make such a horrendous mistake again, I hope you believe me."

"I know, baby." I pull her into my lap, and just hold her. "I think we should see my counselor together for a little while. We both made mistakes, but we can fix them. We can fix us, and we'll be better than ever." I nod in response, knowing she's right.

It's not too long before we each find ourselves moving toward the other, faces inches apart. We're sharing the same breath when Bella looks directly into my eyes. I see the love she still has for me in those deep, expressive orbs. I see the truth there; she has always loved me, and always will. I have been given the gift of redemption, and I know I'll cherish it.

I close the remaining distance between us, kissing her softly, tracing my tongue along the seam between her lips. Her mouth opens, as if on instinct, and I can't help the low moan that rumbles in my chest. I want so much more with her. It's been so damn long since we were able to have sex, but I know she's still healing. I feel like it will never happen, and my dick wants to cry at the thought.

And yet, somehow, this time that we've been back together has been the most intimate time we have ever spent with each other. We've bared our souls, not taking anything for granted.

I still wish I could get inside her pants.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

It's the end of the month, and I realize suddenly what's coming up; the Swans died almost exactly a year ago. I'm nervous about bringing it up to Bella, but honestly, she's an amazing woman that has more strength inside herself than I do.

After a few phone calls, I pack up everything we could possibly need on a cold day for a baby, and ask Bella if she wants to take a drive to Forks.

The car ride is eerily silent. Even though I didn't tell her the plans, I know that she's figured it out. Charlie is asleep in the back seat, and Bella watches the scenery go by. I hold her hand the entire way, realizing what emotions must be swirling around inside.

When we reach the cemetery, I glance between the name I have written down and the names on the mausoleums. Finding the one marked 'Eternal Valor', I pull to the side, putting the car in park and looking over at Bella's profile. I squeeze her fingers in mine, and when she turns to face me, her cheeks are stained with streaks from her tears. When I look more closely, I can see that they've dried up.

"Let's get out," she says quietly, and I nod.

I let her get out and wander over, while I go to the backseat and take Charlie out of her car seat. I pick up the flowers that I laid back there, and carry the two bundles over to my wife. She smiles a watery smile, and takes Charlie from my arms.

"I want to introduce you to your grandparents, Char. I know they would have loved you so much." She heads into the mausoleum, and I wipe the tears from my face as I follow her. We look at the rows until we find the names we're looking for, and Bella stops, running one hand over the front of the niche and murmuring the names and dates.

"Are you okay?" I ask, tucking the flowers into the holders.

"Yeah, I think I am. Charlie, this your grandpa, that Mama named you after. And your grandma was named Renee, that's where your middle name came from." She takes a moment, cradling Charlie close to her, rocking a little from side to side. "They always wanted grandkids, especially Grandpa Charlie. He asked and asked until your daddy and I agreed. I just-" she breaks off, and I pull her to me, holding her close with Charlie tucked between our chests.

"I know, baby," I whisper. "I know."

"I just wish they were still around, you know? So I could laugh at Mom's inappropriate sex jokes, and watch my dad blush. I wish I could feel his mustache tickle my cheek when he gives me a hug. That's something she'll never know, Edward. The sound of their laughter, and their love for one another." She bites back a sob. "I only want it one more time."

Charlie stirs and squawks, and I realize I'm holding them too tightly. I ease up my grip and run my hands soothingly down Bella's head. "It's okay to cry, sweetie. You should let it out." She nods and buries her face in my shoulder, and my heart breaks for her as I hear her soft cries.

"Edward? Bella?" I hear from outside. I lift my head as Mom and Dad step inside the mausoleum with us, followed by Emmett and Rose.

"Hi, guys," I say. Bella lifts her head and looks in the direction of the entrance. Mom and Dad make it to her first.

"Edward was hoping we could offer you some comfort," Mom explains. Dad takes the baby and Mom and Bella hug. I turn to Rose as she and Emmett come closer.

"Alice is coming with V. She wanted to see the plastic flowers on one of the tombstones." Rose shivers delicately. "Not my cup of tea."

Emmett claps me on the shoulder. "I'm glad we could all come, give some small tribute to the Swans. How is she holding up?" he asks, nodding his head toward Bella.

"She's good. She's not bottling it up, she's talking about it and crying some. I hope it's more cathartic than painful."

I look up at Jasper, Alice, and Vera. Jasper is carrying her, and she's talking nonstop. Bella looks up from Esme's embrace, and she smiles. Not a timid, sad smile, but a full blown grin. She looks around at everybody, then hers eyes rest on me. I shrug, smiling back at her.

"You knew exactly what to do, didn't you?" she asks.

"I hoped that I was right. If I'd been wrong, there wouldn't have been much you could throw at me in here." She laughs at me, and Vera squirms down from Jasper's arms.

"Why cryin', Annie Bewwa?" she says in her softest voice.

Bella kneels in front of her, and Vera goes to her and wraps her little arms around Bella's neck. "I was sad just for a few minutes." She looks up and around her. "Now I have everyone here, and I'm not sad anymore."

Vera nods sagely. "Not sad," she repeats. Bella strokes the soft blonde curls on Vera's head before standing back up.

Dad goes to the wall and studies the names the way we did when we came in. I can hear him talking quietly to the baby he's still holding. "This was your other grandpa. He was named Charlie, just like you. I'm sorry that you won't get to know him, but I'll try really hard to be the best grandpa I can for you, baby girl."

And here come the tears. My mother engulfs me in a hug, and Bella wraps her arms around me from the other side. Rose comes over and hugs Bella, and then Alice comes and hugs our mom. I can't stop the flow anymore, and I think I'm crying into Mom's hair, or maybe it's Bella's. I can't see clearly for the flood.

When the girls break away from me, Alice and Bella hold each other tightly for a few more seconds. Being the goof that he is, Emmett comes and hugs me, squeezing until I can't breathe.

"Let go, motherfu-"

"Edward!" my mother says sharply, interrupting my poor choice in words.

"Sorry, sorry." I clap him on the back. "I can't breathe, dude. Let go." He steps away, and I swear I see him swipe at a tear before he turns his face.

"Um, we brought the stuff, if you want to go outside," Alice pipes up.

I nod. "Alice and Jasper brought some things that I asked for. Maybe we can go out and get them."

I can see the curiosity on everyone's faces as we troop together to their SUV. Jasper pops the back open, and I gesture for Bella to sit in the back. Everyone dives in to the vehicle, bringing out chairs, a cooler, and a picnic basket. They set the chairs up and pass around blankets before sitting down. Bella looks the most confused, so I hand her a blanket and sit next to her.

"I thought we could have a little picnic, and talk about our favorite things about your parents." I look up at Alice.

"I have something for you, Bella," she says as she holds out a framed 8x10 picture and a small 3x5. "The little one is to, um…"

"It's so you can leave it with your parents," I finish. I look down at the pictures that Bella accepts. The 8x10 is the one from the wedding that I loved so much, but the smaller one is a snapshot that Alice took in the hospital of Bella holding Charlie in the bed, and I'm sitting next to them.

"Oh, Alice," she breathes. "Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness."

Emmett hands over plastic cups and raises his in the air. "Sparkling cider," he explains as Bella sniffs at hers, and everyone raises their cups. "To Charlie and Renee Swan," he says in his loud bass, and everyone repeats him.

We spend the better part of an hour reminiscing about the times we all spent together. Easter, dinner parties, and getting together in January each year. We're somber, but there's laughter, too, as someone mentions Renee's sense of humor, or Charlie's pride at the biggest fish he'd ever caught. Little Charlie sleeps through most of it, and even Vera drops off in Bella's lap, a blanket tucked around them both.

She looks up at me as we're winding down, the memories coming less frequently now. "Thank you for this, Edward," she whispers. I lean over and kiss her gently, mindful of the toddler in her lap.

"We can do this every year if you want," I tell her.

"I love you," she responds.

I grin. "I know that you do. I love you, too."

* * *

 **I had a hard time writing this last part. It took several tries.**

 **We're almost done, lovelies. One more regular chapter and then the epi.**

 **facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/**


	41. Chapter 40

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Credit to SarcasticBimbo for her beta and pre-reader skills, and to 71star, starsmina and rebadams7 for pre-reading.**

 **I'll see you at the bottom.**

* * *

 _One look at you, my whole life falls in line_

 _I prayed for you, before I called you mine_

 _I can't believe it's true sometimes_

 _I can't believe it's true_

 _The way you love, it changes who I am_

 _I am undone and I thank God once again_

 _I can't believe it's true sometimes_

 _I can't believe it's true_

 _They say love is a journey, I promise that I'll never leave_

 _When it's too heavy to carry, remember this moment with me_

 _I get to love you_

 _I get to love you, it's the best thing that I'll ever do_

 _I get to love you, it's a promise I'm making to you_

 _Whatever may come, your heart I will choose_

 _Forever I'm yours, forever I do_

 _I get to love you_

 _~Ruelle, I Get To Love You_

* * *

 **March**

 **BPOV**

Edward and I head to the obstetrician's office with Charlie to have my six week checkup. It's actually been a bit more than eight weeks, but that was the way the scheduling worked out. I know that most new parents are hoping for the green light to be intimate again, because they've been abstinent since their baby was born.

We've been sexless for _almost a year_. I feel so high and dry right now, that the highlight of my day is going to be dropping Charlie off with Alice later.

Edward stays in the waiting room while I see the doctor, and when I'm through, I head back out to find him and our daughter. He stands as I approach, and as he bends to pick up the car seat I feel a hand on my shoulder. Startled, I spin around.

"Jake!" There he stands, tall as ever, wearing a blazer of all things.

"How are you? I see you had the baby. Where is she? Where've you been?" he demands like he deserves answers.

"With her husband," Edward responds as he walks up.

I can see the emotions on Jake's face are ranging from disbelief to anger. "Jake, this is Edward. Edward, Jake." It's a lame introduction, since neither one of them gives a fuck.

They stare each other down, and it's really what I expected would happen if we ever ran into Jacob. Edward's hands are fisted over the handle of the car seat, his forearms flexed, and he's standing as nose-to-nose as he can with a baby between them.

"We named her Charlie. After my dad, of course." I'm filling the uncomfortable silence with even more uncomfortable chatter. Neither man is going to speak, apparently. I turn to Edward. "Alice is expecting us," I say quietly to diffuse his anger. I need them both to know my family is my priority.

Edward glares at Jake for several more tense seconds, then he looks to me with a smooth, serene face. "You're right. Let's go see my sister. The doctor gave you the all-clear?"

Knowing what he's doing, and feeling that I owe his ego this, I lean up on my toes and whisper- loudly- into his ear.

"Absolutely, and I can't _wait_ for tonight."

It's nothing if not the truth. We turn away from Jacob, and I feel like I'm turning the page on that chapter of my life. He was a friend when I needed one, but he was always hoping that I would fail in getting back together with my husband. I don't have room in my life for that type of relationship anymore.

I can't resist throwing a wave over my shoulder, my "Bye, Jake!" loud and cheerful _._

Edward and I spend the rest of the afternoon with Alice and Jasper; the two of them share pictures from their somewhat delayed honeymoon. We make dinner together like we used to, and I love watching Jasper bounce my little girl, cooing and singing to her. He told me while I was in the hospital that he's moved on from his feelings of resentment over me never telling him I was pregnant, or seeing him while Edward and I were separated. It seemed to me that a clean break, however temporary, was what I needed at the time. He was the only friend I kept in touch with at first, and that counted for something. Even if he loved to tell me I was wrong.

Everything is falling back into place, even if those places are new. Our family is growing, and stronger than ever. I can't stop the gigantic, silly smile on my face as we finish up after dinner. Alice and Edward are smooching on Charlie's cheeks, determined to get a smile out of her. Jasper is telling them that she's too young for a real smile, and that maybe she'll throw up on one of them instead.

As we say goodbye, I have a thousand butterflies going to war in my belly. Anticipation has been building for almost a year, and getting stronger for the past couple of weeks. Two months worth of fooling around, making out, and feeling like freaking teenagers sneaking around because they know they aren't supposed to have sex.

I need the sex.

I know Edward is about to explode, literally, because we've kept everything above the waist since he moved back in.

"Auntie Alice has this, guys. Go on, get your freak on." The imp grins hugely at us.

"Jesus, Alice," Edward groans.

Jasper just laughs. "Go, Edward. Bella has missed you, and your attributes."

"Ha, ha, ribbing the celibate couple. Assholes, both of you," I laugh.

Edward is ten shades of red, and I push him out the door. Jasper closes it, Alice standing behind him with Charlie in her arms. I find myself pushed up against the wall next to the door, hands in my hair, erection pressed against my stomach.

"I'll definitely show you my _attributes_ ," he whispers dangerously low in my ear. I shiver and clench my thighs as his mouth skims along my throat, then over to my lips.

"Less talking, more driving home," I gasp over the pounding of my heart in my throat.

Grinning, Edward grabs my hand and we dash to the Volvo. The whole drive home, an entire twenty minutes, his hand is in my lap, making me squirm as he works his fingers into the zipper placket of my jeans.

 _Why the fuck didn't I wear a skirt?_ Oh, yeah, it's freezing outside.

"God's sake, Edward, I need you inside me. _So badly_." I cover his hand with mine, trying to force his fingers inside my pants.

He moans, and I whip my head to see him watching me, his eyes hooded and smoldering. The light changes, and he races away from the intersection. My face is overheated, and I scoot my butt forward to try to open the space between my pants and my body. Edward manages to slip a finger down to my clit, and I bite my lip, then cry out as the orgasm rushes over me. I sit there panting, and watch as he slides his finger out and then puts it in his mouth, his tongue coming out and swirling around the tip of his finger. I whimper, and he stops the car.

I'm out of my seatbelt and leaning over the console the second the car is in park. I crush my mouth to his, pulling his lips alternatively into my mouth, biting and sucking on the tender flesh. His hands mold to my ass, kneading and trying to pull me closer. The steering wheel is in the way of any more activity than that, so I break away from him.

"We have to go inside," I gasp unevenly. He nods his head and opens his door as I fall back into my seat, ignoring my purse in the floor and instead wrenching open the door. Edward is there, pressing me into the closed door, kissing me frantically. I open my eyes briefly, trying to gain my bearings, then blink rapidly.

"There's a car in the driveway," I say in dismay and disbelief.

"There's no way," he responds, still pressing open mouthed kisses to my neck. I grab his head and lift it, pointing behind him.

"There."

"We aren't expecting anybody." Denial is strong when you're as frenzied as we are.

"It's Eleazar's car, I think."

"Did you invite them over?"

"Why does that sound like an accusation?"

He leans very close to my face. "Because _I am desperate to fuck you_ , Bella."

He's killing me. I squeeze my eyes and my legs closed. "Ungh," I groan.

We stand up straight and adjust our clothing, my hands smoothing down my hair. He turns, taking my hand in his and walking towards the top of the driveway and the other car. The doors open, and Carmen and Eleazar emerge, smiling.

We greet each other, heading for the front door because it's pretty cold. When we're seated in the living room, and everyone has a drink, Carmen speaks up.

"Where is the baby? We were hoping to see her." The pair of them visited in the hospital, but I'm sure they want more time with Charlie.

Edward drains his drink before answering. "We just left her at Alice's house after having dinner with them."

"Oh, that's too bad. Next time, then," Carmen says.

"Yes, we really wanted to congratulate the both of you again on the birth of your _bebe linda_ , and to offer a gift," Eleazar says.

"Oh, a gift isn't necessary. I'll be bringing her to the library soon," I assure them.

Ignoring me, Eleazar pulls an envelope out of his coat pocket. "Carmen and I, as you may know, we were not able to have children of our own. We set up a fund through the library that awards scholarships to underprivileged children in Seattle." He hands me the envelope. Opening it, I see the certificate and gasp, handing it off to Edward.

"We wanted to do something meaningful. A symbol for you and your family." Carmen smiles at our astonished faces.

The certificate explains that the two of them have given a generous donation to the fund in the names 'Charlie and Renee Swan, Edward and Bella Cullen, and their daughter Charlie Cullen'. It is a lovely gesture, and something that will give a teenager working towards college some amazing help.

"The scholarships are awarded at the end of the school year, and we would love for you to attend the ceremony." Carmen has tears in her eyes.

"Absolutely, Carmen," I answer and get up, hugging her. "Thank you for always being there for us, and lending me an ear on plenty of occasions."

"Of course, sweetie. That's what friends are for. The doors are always open, whenever you are ready to come back, and for any hours you're willing to volunteer." I nod, tearing up too.

Eleazar stands and hugs me, as well. "I'm happy you and _tu marido_ have worked things out, _Chabela_."

"So are we, El. Very happy." I smile over at Edward, and he comes to join me in walking the two of them to the door.

As it closes behind them, he locks it, studying me. "I'll race you up the stairs," he says, flashing a grin. I laugh, taking off.

He stays behind me as I thunder up the stairs, but when we hit the landing, he grabs me up at the waist, spinning me around and lifting me to meet his height. He kisses me repeatedly as he carries me down the hall, then drops one more kiss to my nose before dumping me on the bed. He drops down next to me, running his hands through my hair.

"I prayed that someone would come along that loved me and accepted me for who I am. I prayed for you, without knowing your name or your face. And fate placed me at your feet that day, the best day of my life."

His words and his touch overflow my healed heart, and I know that I could never ask for more than this man, who was made for me. "I'm so lucky to have the chance to love you for the rest of our lives," I reply.

The desire and lust is at a simmer, but flares higher as Edward yanks his shirt off and tosses it away. I sit up and remove my own shirt, then unclasp my bra and toss it too. His hands on my torso create a flash of heat, and his fingers splay up to cup my breasts, bringing them to his mouth. He licks and sucks, rolling my nipples in his long pianist's fingers as I drop my head back, reveling in the fire we create together.

When I'm a panting mess, Edward moves to my pants, unbuttoning and unzipping, each sound and movement echoing in my brain as I inch closer to my goal. I help him shimmy my jeans down my hips and legs, and he pauses to press his mouth to my damp panties.

"God!" I choke out, and writhe as he slips my panties down too, discarding all of my clothing until I'm naked. He pulls my legs until I'm at the edge of the bed, and he gets down on the floor on his knees, burying his face in between my legs. Gasping, crying out, I find my release quickly as he licks me like a cat with a bowl of cream.

When I hear his zipper, I open my eyes and sit up to see him standing by the bed, staring down at me hungrily. His cock, which I have missed greatly, stands tall and strong, and I reach out. Edward stops me with a hand on mine.

"Baby," he whispers, then clears his throat. "If I let you touch me now, it'll be over with before I make it inside you. And I _really_ _need_ to be inside you."

Smiling in understanding, I gesture for him to 'come here', and he covers my body with his. He takes a deep breath, kissing my lips tenderly, and I grasp his ass to encourage him. He presses his cock against my entrance, and I whimper, knowing that I'm finally about to have all that I've been waiting for.

Edward looks directly in my eyes as he slowly and gently thrusts inside me, and I feel tears prick my eyes as he and I are finally one again. "Right where you belong, love. You're right where you belong," I chant as he sets a rhythm meant to be slow, but he can't help but move faster as he comes closer to his release.

"Fuck, Bella, I love you _so_ much," he growls as he empties inside me, and it feels like redemption.

We lay together for several minutes, stroking arms and backs, lingering on certain spots. It doesn't take very long for Edward to be hard again, pressing against my side. He rolls his hips, and I move closer to him, lining my body up alongside his. He kisses me, starting at my throat and moving down my body as he talks.

"I have this desire for you. . .to consume every inch of your body. . .to have the feel of your breath against my lips. . .the taste of you everywhere. Your voice as you call out _my name_ , courses through all the veins in my body."

Whimpering, writhing, I find his dick with my hands, caressing and stroking, making him groan and breathe heavily. This indescribable need is pulsing through me again, and I feel strong knowing I can bring this grown man to his knees. Fires erupt at his kisses, until my body is an inferno of lust. I sit up, pushing him down onto his back.

I crawl up his body, letting my nipples brush against him as I go. My tongue finds and marks sensitive spots, and I smile when I reach the tip of his cock and his hips buck. I swirl my tongue over the head, teasing. My destination is further up, so I continue my slow movements until he is the one whimpering. Finally, I straddle his hips, leaning forward and trapping his cock between us.

"I dreamed of you, of being on top of you, _riding_ you. . ." I whisper in his ear, nipping at the skin of his neck, licking his collarbone. His hands are on my ass, and he's trying to encourage me to take him in, but I'm not quite done torturing him. My hair forms a curtain as I kiss all over his chest, lingering over his heart.

"I will always trust in you, in us. Always." I lift up, and he grips my hips, guiding me down until he is completely engulfed by my wet, hot core.

"I love you, Isabella," he says, looking directly into my eyes. I smile, and I keep my eyes on him as I undulate, arching my back and running my hands through my hair. My pace quickens with no coherent thought as I near my summit, and Edward doesn't hesitate to help me out with his long fingers. There's a brief second where the feeling is almost painful, waiting to break through the last sweet burst of heat before I'm falling over the edge, my body shuddering as I collapse over him.

Edward wastes no time rolling me onto my stomach, pulling my hips up and back, and slamming in balls deep. I love it when he isn't afraid he'll hurt me, and goes for what he wants. And I have to admit, it's been so long that I don't care what position we're in, as long as we're in one together.

His hand is racing up and down my back, and I know he's almost out of control. I push up on my arms and throw him a look over my shoulder. He grins, reaching around and grabbing my boob. He's moving like a piston, now, and he won't last much longer, if his sounds are any indication.

"I love you, Edward. Come inside me, I need to feel it."

He groans, then shouts my name as his body stills. He drapes over my back for several seconds before getting up, helping me to stand with him. He kisses me, slowly and lovingly.

 **~~~oOo~~~**

I find my mind going in a million directions as I drift off to sleep.

I had to crawl through hell to get Edward back, but I know without a flicker of doubt that we aren't going anywhere now. Everything has fallen into place, and I have the perfectly imperfect marriage and life I was striving for all along.

And that's perfectly fine with me.

* * *

Spanish translations:

 _Bebe linda_ \- beautiful baby

 _Tu marido_ \- your husband

 _Chabela_ \- nickname for Isabella

 **This is the end of the regular chapters, but not the end of their story. I have an epi to post on Sunday, and two outtakes.**

 **Thank you to everyone who read, rec'd, reviewed, and joined the group on facebook. You give me the fuel to keep writing!**

 **facebook (dot com) /groups/1533457420295204/**


	42. Epilogue

**I can't believe it's the end! This has been more than four month's worth of my life, not counting the writing process. I sincerely hope you enjoy this peek into their future.**

 *****I'm so excited to tell you that Angry All The Time has been nominated for the top ten completed fics for August! I would be thrilled if you would go and vote.**

 **twi fan fiction recs (dotcom)** **/2016/09/01/vote-for-your-top-ten-completed-fics-august-2016/**

* * *

 _I saw that you were perfect,_

 _and so I loved you._

 _Then I saw that you were not perfect,_

 _And I loved you even more._

 _~Angelita Lim_

* * *

I'm running errands while Edward takes Charlie to the playground when I see her coming toward me on the sidewalk. The former head of human resources for the University of Washington, Jessica Stanley.

I sincerely consider ignoring her, looking at the ground as she passes, and not making eye contact. Then I think about what she and Mike did to me.

Fuck that.

"Jessica?" I call in a saccharine voice. She looks up from her cell, catching my eye. Her cheeks darken and I assume she's going to bolt.

"Uh, hi."

"It's Bella Cullen, remember me?" It's perverse, the satisfaction I'm gaining from her squirming.

"Yeah, sure. I remember." Suddenly, she looks around us before meeting my gaze. I'm a little startled at the intensity in her large blue eyes. I watch her throat bob as she swallows. "Can we talk somewhere?"

I stare at her for a few long seconds, then nod and gesture to the nearest place. We step into the cool interior of a bakery and order drinks at the counter before sitting down.

I watch her twist her fingers together and notice the lack of a ring. I'm confused, because I thought she and Mike were getting married.

"Was there something you wanted to discuss?" I ask cooly.

She sighs, sounding defeated. "Yes." She fidgets again, then looks right at me. "I thought you'd want to know that Mike is in prison."

My eyebrows shoot up into my hairline. "What? Why? I mean, I'm sure he deserves it, but what did he do?"

She sighs again and rubs her temple. She takes a sip of her drink. "I guess you don't remember me from Forks, do you?"

I frown. "I always kept to myself. I only had one friend, so no."

"Well, I was jealous of you. Your parents were great, you had Angela for a friend, and the guy I had a crush on was into you," she says in a pained voice.

"What guy?" I laugh in disbelief.

"Jacob Black. He was always in love with you, but you were dating Paul."

"Well, that explains a lot," I mutter. "Last I heard, he's still single. He's going to school to be a Physician's Assistant, and interns with Dr. Greene. Since you're clearly not married to Mike, you should go for it with Jake."

She smiles, a little wistfully. "Maybe I will. Anyway, I hated you in high school. It seemed like you had everything. I was fat, my parents were divorcing, and I had glasses and braces and this frizzy hair I've always hated. So when Mike said you'd snubbed him in college, we basically bonded over our hatred of you. I let him do whatever he wanted at work, if he would agree to marry me." She looks down at the table. "I'm ashamed at how desperate I was for a guy's affection."

"I can kind of see how you would want to help him out. It's just… do you have any idea how much he scared me? He found me on Mercer Island and stalked me. He suggested that he was responsible for my parent's deaths."

She laughs, a sad, bitter sound. "Yeah, I have an idea. When you were fired, he started insisting I dress differently, straighten my hair more, dye it darker, and I thought it was creepy. Then he wanted me to wear brown contacts and called me Bella. More than once, while we were, uh, intimate."

I shiver, and it has nothing to do with the air conditioning. "Wow, that's… yeah, that's deranged. What happened after that?"

"I called an attorney. I wanted to get the hell out, but we were living together. He helped me invest some money, hide some away. We spoke to the police, and they hired an investigator. Turns out, Mike likes to stalk brunettes, and he keeps all sorts of momentos. I caught him following me around after I moved out, and had him arrested."

 _Holy shit._ "So, how are you doing after all of that?"

"I'm in therapy. I'm much better now that I testified against him. He's in a mental hospital, and he's not getting out." She's still being fidgety with her hands, but I have sympathy for her I never felt before.

"Well, that's a relief." I pause, thinking about my words. "I forgive you. You were caught up with a mental case, so I don't hold a grudge."

"How is Jasper?" she asks suddenly.

"Jasper? He's married to my sister-in-law. They're expecting any minute, a boy. Why do you ask?"

"Mike was always incredibly jealous of Jasper," she whispers.

"Why?" I ask incredulously.

"He says you were dating in college, and that he was your boyfriend while you worked for U-dub. Now I can see that's laughable."

"Oh, Lord. Jasper was my first friend at school, but we were never even sort of romantic." I roll my eyes at the thought.

"Yeah. Well, I just wanted to clear things up. There was enough evidence against him from my case, among others, that I asked them not to involve you, just so you know. I put you through enough. I'm sorry that I ever helped him, and more sorry that I lived with him." She stands, her chair scraping harshly against the linoleum floor. "I've gotta go. Thanks for listening."

Another chapter in my life I can consider done.

"Hey, Jess!" I call at the last minute.

She stops and turns.

"You should look up Jake. He still goes home to see his dad on holidays. Maybe you can start something."

She grins before disappearing.

I make my way to the park to meet Edward and Charlie. There's nothing she enjoys more than running with bigger kids. We have a playset at home, but sometimes she just wants to play with others.

When I get there I see that Emmett has joined them with Vera. Rose was going to be at Alice's, helping with dinner. Vera and Charlie are running around playing tag with a group of kids that are a few years older. The men are standing nearby, talking.

Emmett sees me first. " _Hey little sister, who's your superman_ ," he sings.

I roll my eyes. "You, Emmett. Always you."

He grins. " _Hey little sister, shotgun_!" he belts out. A few parents turn to look at him.

Edward punches him on the arm as I reach them, then puts his arm around me, kissing my cheek. "How are my little loves?"

"We're great. I ran into Jessica Stanley." I cover his mouth with my fingers when I can see what he's about to say. "Children, Edward. Watch your mouth."

"What happened?" Emmett asks sternly. "Did you punch her in the face?"

I scoff at his ridiculousness. "Of course not. She told me Mike is in prison, which is the part I thought you'd enjoy."

"That's awesome," Edward says, and Emmett bobs his head in agreement.

"Turns out he's a stalker from way back, and she turned him in when he called her Bella a few too many times." I shiver again.

Edward holds me closer. "Then I'm especially glad he's in prison."

"Is he in the nut hut? Cause he sounds _psycho_!" Emmett ends in a soprano.

"Yes," I laugh. "Apparently Jess had a thing for Jake, but he was crushing on me while I was dating Paul. So she hated me. I told her to find Jake and go for it."

Now Edward rolls his eyes. "Good Lord."

"So, Emmett, how are Rose and H?" I ask to change the subject.

Emmett launches into a story about baby Henry as Edward absently rubs my tiny baby bump. Charlie spots me and runs over, Vera on her heels. We spend the rest of the afternoon together at the playground, then head to Alice and Jasper's for Sunday dinner. It's a tradition that started up after Charlie was born.

I've discovered that this life full of friends and family is perfect for us.

* * *

 _Name the song Emmett was singing: Billy Idol, White Wedding_

 **Thank you so, so much to my beta, SarcasticBimbo, aka BeLynda. She whipped my story into shape and held my hand through worrying no one would read. Turns out, I have some awesome readers, and I appreciate each and every one of you.**

 **I have more in the works, I promise. The last outtake will post this week, so don't forget to follow/fav if you want the notice when it goes live. If you haven't started my other story, (Un)Requited, it's a funny one with a hilarious Edward. Go check it out!**

 **Thanks to my pre-readers for giving me their honest reactions each chapter: 71star, starsmina, and rebadams7. You three rock!**


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